Kneecapped in Boston; torturous's tortuous course; Bush's solar what? (Wood on Words).

The New England Baptist Hospital, a major-league specialist in orthopedics, recently placed an ad in a Boston newspaper underneath this headline: "After injuring my knee, the pain never left." Even presumed pro copywriters will occasionally mismanage a modifier. Rehab this one, which says that pain caused the injury, by recasting to "I was afflicted with unremitting pain."

* The Wall Street Journal used a full page on Oct. 9 in praise of advertising exec Gary Goldsmith, chairman and chief creative officer of Lowe/USA, New York City. Goldsmith led his paragraph headed On tough love with this set of declarations:

"Creating anything new is tortuous. The only way to end the torture is to have an idea." I suggest Mr. Goldsmith comes close to saying what he means, but that the truth eludes. A look at the Usage Note under tortuous on p. 1824 of The American Heritage Dictionary (4th ed.) seems to support the point:

"Usage Note -- Although tortuous and torturous both come from the Latin word torquere, 'to twist,' their primary meanings are distinct. Tortuous means 'twisting' (a tortuous road) or by extension 'complex' or 'devious.' Torturous refers primarily to torture and the pain associated with it. However, torturous also can be used in the sense of 'twisted' or 'strained,' and tortured is an even stronger synonym: tortured reasoning."

Goldsmith suggests that the pathway to creativity is twisty and complex; who in our business will dispute that? But his second sentence declares that only by birthing the idea will the torture be stayed. What torture? Perhaps torturous should have appeared in Mr. G.'s first sentence, thus creating a legit antecedent, but it did not.

* Step-daughter Pamela, who is into matters financial hereabouts, sent along the following paragraph, which a business associate received at a data center:

"Due to the sensitivity of components within this new unit, once it is delivered to (city), it is imperative that the preparation and replacement of all its components be installed to avoid deterioration that could result in the stability of the overall unit."

The subject of her memo was "Huh?" The close, "I'm speachless."

* Estimable IABC colleague Kathleen Much viewed "this lovely sentence" on p. 35 of Time (July 8, 2002): "All the President needs is a solar toupee and a cut-glass English accent." Opines KM, "No, Bush isn't going bald. The spellchecker simply didn't recognize to pee, I'll be bound." Sure enough, MerriamWebster's 10th Collegiate shows us "topee or topi (1835) a lightweight helmet-shaped hat made of pith or cork."

* "I am scratching my head over the cover article in today's issue of PR News, published by the people of PBI Media, who ought to know better," says corporate relations associate Teresa Dickinson, of BNA, Inc., Washington, DC.

"The story concerns the importance of understanding different Hispanic markets when pitching products and services to the burgeoning Latino population. It cites the experience of 'The U.S. Airforce,' then goes on four more times to call that branch of the military the 'Airforce.'

"I hadn't heard of this contraction and, checking the website, neither has the webmaster of the U.S. 4r Force. Admittedly, the URL is airforce.com, but we can hardly hold that against them since they're not allowed spaces in domain names. I guess we'll be referring to the 'Coastguard' next."

* Most musicians who play general-business gigs--yard parties, proms, club dates, and the like--know what a fake book is; it shows melodies, lyrics, and chord progressions that players can use as a substitute for standard sheet music. Now, on the 670+ pages of HoughtonMifflin's just-out The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, writers will find a marvelous resource of their own. Written by E.D. Hirsch, who wrote the first such compilation in 1988, the new volume has 23 sections covering the Bible, world and American history, politics, technology and many other topics. Lead author Hirsch says, "In the U.S., reading with understanding is based on the kind of background knowledge identified in this book." Hirsch et al. provide just under 7,000 entries that speak to America's cultural literacy as well as that of other countries. US$30.00.

Alden Wood, APR, lecturer on editorial procedures at Simmons College, Boston, writes and lectures on language usage. He is a retired insurance industry vice president of advertising and public relations. His e-dress is [e-mail].