Kids' "Open House": Creating a Child-Friendly Environment.

The Lehman's house was kid-friendly. In fact, these neighbors of mine always seemed to have a flow of children visiting their three kids, ages 8, 11, and 15. My youngest child spent hours at the Lehman's house, and I began to wonder what attracted the kids and kept them coming. My children reported that Mr. and Mrs. Lehman spent time talking with the kids. It sounded like good communication was part of the attraction. When I visited myself, I learned more.

The Lehman's house exuded a kid-friendly atmosphere. It started with interesting posters on the walls and a basement room with board and table games, a VCR, comfortable couches, and floor pillows. A set of simple rules was tacked to the wall: "Please clean up your mess and please have fun!" There was both a popcorn machine and a broom. Occasionally, the parents provided cookies or other treats.

The Lehmans were not wealthy, but they were child-centered. While both adults worked, when they were home they made it family and friend time. As Mr. Lehman put it, "We want our children to feel comfortable bringing their friends here where we can meet them. We want to be involved in our kids' lives. This is far better than having them always out, better than worrying about them, and better than missing the enjoyment of their growing-up years."

Not everyone has the patience of the Lehmans. Creating a kids' "open house" does; not necessarily mean a constant open-door policy, however. Parents can experiment to find the approach that will be the most rewarding experience for their family. The process is easier if it starts when children are young, so that they will come to expect and enjoy parental involvement. Inviting young children over to play or do projects can begin the "open house" tradition. For busy parents, a limited or structured involvement model may work best. These family and friend times can center on specific activities such as watching videos, baking cookies, swimming in the backyard pool or splashing in the sprinkler, reading a story book, or putting on a play. Inviting children into your home may even evolve into reciprocal child-sitting arrangements with other parents.

Being involved parents for several hours a week offers a number of benefits for both parents and children:

* It lets children know they are important and can count on their parents for support.

* It provides a model of involvement and sense of community that carries over to children and their friends.

* It helps parents share in the joys and sorrows of their children's lives.

* It tells children that their parents are available and concerned; this concept will be especially important when the inevitable rough patches in child rearing arise.

* It provides a safe house for kids, especially if the neighborhood is dangerous.

Older children may be pressured by other kids and often appreciate a safe place where drugs and alcohol, fights, or bullies are not part of the scene. Should problems crop up, parents with a reputation for being understanding generally have an easier time reasoning with kids. They can build on communication lines that developed in the child-friendly atmosphere established at an early age.

Communicating with children and their friends helps to "open the house." Children value parents who speak their language, are interested in their thoughts and activities, and LISTEN to them. Opening the lines of communication creates friendships with children, the traits of which are long-term trust and positive relationships. Communicating with parents of other children who visit your home helps set a welcoming precedent in your community, and is also a good way to meet people who are in similar stages of life and who share similar interests and concerns. Activities involving several families can be rewarding for all involved.

Baking cookies, making decorations, jumping in leaf piles, observing birds and squirrels, and watching videos are suitable activities for multiple age groups, and big kids can help the smaller ones complete projects. Planning activities appropriate for one age group can be rewarding as well. Little kids love playing in big boxes and making forts with a couple of blankets spread over a table. Teens enjoy their own space and music, and they love to have food available to feed their never-ending appetites. Families can share game nights, or hikes and picnics. Whether children are one age or multiple ages, parents can plan activities for all groups.

Parenting lasts, on average, 20 years out of an 80-year life span. Most parents occasionally find child rearing a burden. We can make the most of these years, however, by finding ways to be involved in the lives of children. It allows us to re-experience the joys of our own childhoods. Being a close-knit family can bring satisfaction in the short-term. In the long-term, it opens the doors to warm, rewarding relationships when children grow up, marry, and have families of their own. The way we parent is likely to be the main source of parent training for the next generation, and can ultimately affect several generations.

A successful "open house" like the Lehman's is good for both parents and children. Creating this kid-friendly environment is not difficult or expensive, but it does require a certain mind set. We need to look for what is fascinating in children at every stage of development. We need to value our involvement in our children's lives. Here are a few simple steps that can lead to positive relations with your children and their friends, and to creation of a truly "open house":

* Welcome your children's friends. Give them a friendly greeting and make them feel comfortable in your home.

* Communicate with your kids and their friends. Ask about their interests, ideas, and experiences. Talk about the latest hit movie or song, toy, or fad. Listen to what the kids have to say. Kids need to talk with adults and feel that their opinions are important.

* Plan kid-friendly activities. Let your kids invite a friend on outings to the park, zoo, a sports event, museum, or other activity. Plan seasonal events: celebrating New Year's Eve, making Valentine's Day cards, creating May Day flower baskets, holding a Fourth of July picnic with games, carving Halloween pumpkins, making decorations for any holiday--the possibilities are endless!

* Structure a kid-friendly place for children to hang out. This place might be a basement, a family room, or a garage where kids can put pillows on the floor, play their own music, watch TV and videos, and play with games, puzzles, and toys. It should be a place where a mess won't get in the way. Letting kids help plan the space is one way to get them involved and invested in spending time there.

* Provide food, when possible, because kids love to eat! Depending on the age of the children, think about having popcorn, drinks, and other snacks. This doesn't mean you have to feed the entire neighborhood, but the way to kids' hearts is often through their stomachs.

* Set a few clear, simple rules. Rules should focus on safety and cleaning up. You might post rules that state, "Your mother doesn't live here! Please clean up--and have fun!" These rules can discourage undesirable visitors or even help kids in trouble find alternatives.

* Involve other parents. You should not have to be the only "kid friendly" house in the neighborhood. Encourage other parents to host events or help you with the effort and money necessary to provide food, outings, and transportation.

* Reserve time to spend with your family alone. It is important to build this into your plans.

While we all have to work within our own time limitations and our own patience, a kid-centered home can be a reality. With the desire and a bit of creativity, your house can become a magnet for your children and their friends.

Copyright [C] 2001 by the Association for Childhood Education International. Permission to reproduce this column intact is not required. It is hoped that readers will distribute copies to parents, colleagues, and others who work with children.

To contact the colum editor: Write Helen Altman Klein, Professor of Psychology, Wright State University, Dayton, Ohio 45435; or send E-mail to: [e-mail]

Jeanne H. Ballantine is Professor of Sociology, Wright State University, Dayton, Ohio, and author of several leading texts on the sociology of education.