Kickshaws.

The Top Ten Favorite Words of 2004

Last year, the Merriam-Webster Company asked people who visited their website to list their favorite words. From thousands of submissions, the ten words entered most often appear here, in order of popularity:

1 defenestration

2 serendipity 

3 onomatopoeia 

4 discombobulate 

5 plethora

6 callipygian 

7 juxtapose 

8 persnickety

9 kerfuffle 

10 flibbertigibbet 

When I first read the words in the M-W list, I wondered how some of them could have been chosen so often. I would never have thought these words would be familiar to enough people to wind up in the top ten. I had to look up the definitions of four of them! I can only conclude that the English-speaking world is being taken over by extraterrestrial linguists--a 21st century scenario similar to the 20th century movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers", but the new Body Snatchers are assimilating our language so rapidly that only the most esoteric words hold any fascination for them. Fellow readers, it's time for a reality check! You are invited to send your list of top-ten words to be printed in the next Kickshaws. If your list has fairly common words, you are an Earthling, and you have nothing to fear but fear itself. But if your list has strange, bizarre, suspiciously alienesque words, well, America and the rest of the English-speaking world had better go on red alert! Apparently the word has gotten out that the English language welcomes words with open arms and blank pages. Pretty soon all the failed poets and other literary riff-raff from the four corners of the Milky Way Galaxy will be scattering their words on MerriamWebster's innocent little playground or dumping them all over the Oxford English Dictionary's happy-go-lucky tree house. By this time next century, don't expect there to be just 26 letters in the alphabet Maybe 26,000 letters, and maybe 154 quadrillion words! At that point, the world will face its biggest crisis yet. Not a nasty plague, not evil comets crashing to earth, not a hideous absolute-zero ice age, not any of the run-of-the-mill, dime-a-dozen, lily-livered, ho-hum, been-there-done-that doomsday prophesies. No, this time it's grimly real and really grim. There will be so many volumes of the Galactic English Dictionary that no one will be able to grow food, drive cars, wave to their friends, kiss their lovers, or play Nintendo anymore. Books will be everywhere, and they will be alive, thanks to all that sneaky interstellar technology. They will be smarter than humans. They will be walking down the streets, going into their homes, eating dinner, and finally, most ignominiously, they will write on humans. Human beings! People will become their desks. If you could see my desk, you would know what a terrible fate is in store for those poor people of the 22nd century. It Boggles the mind and Scrabbles the soul.

Farewell, Johnny Carson

Carnac the Magnificent died today. He was the "King of Late Night," and his passing truly marks the end of an era. Carson's career was magical. He was charismatic and comical as well as politically powerful. His "Tonight Show" monologues did more than entertain--they helped shape the opinion of the nation. In 1974, his quips helped overturn the career of the only US president whose last name is composed of letters that read the same upside down. He was married four times. Johnny's first three wives were named Jody, Joanne, and Joanna. It is ironic that the marriages to the J ladies ended in divorce. Each one's name has three letters in common with JOHNNY, but his fourth wife's name, Alexis, has no letters in common. Carson had a fiery career, as his last name without its first letter shows. He was magnificent.

Ebay Novel

Instead of auctioning off souls in a jar, Blessed Virgin cheese sandwiches in plastic baggies, or temporary advertising space on human foreheads, I'm offering a different kind of auction on eBay. My auction is for co-authorship of a novel. The winning bidder will write a novel with me via email, instant messaging, and other electronic means. The opening bid is $26,000. If you would like to look at this auction, go to eBay.com, type DR ALPHABET in the search box, and click on it. That takes you to a screen with one or more auction listings. Click on the listing titled "WRITE the EBAY NOVEL with DR ALPHABET." That takes you into the complete listing, which explains the project, gives biographical and bibliographical information, shows a few pictures, and includes emails from readers along with my replies. If you would like to email a question to me about the auction, you can click on the email box located on the auction screen. Your question will be displayed with my reply in the auction listing. You can sign your email or leave it anonymous If you mention Word Ways in your email, the magazine's name will appear in the listing for as long as the auction lasts. I plan on renewing it until someone bids--even if it takes two or three years. Then the eBay Novel begins.

The Rainbow Colors

VIBGYOR is the mnemonic using the initial letters of the names of the seven rainbow colors from the lower to the higher light-wave frequencies. Often overlooked, the mnemonic using the last letters of the colors makes more sense: TO ENWED. The mnemonic ROY G. BIV represents the colors in the opposite direction. Its last-letter mnemonic is a female name: DEW N. EOT. The list below shows the color names arranged in VIBGYOR order. Each is accompanied by one or more things that make it unique within the seven. VIOLET, the first of the VIBGYOR colors, is chock full of magic--at least twice as much as any other rainbow color. It hums like an incredible letterplay machine.

* VIOLET begins with Roman numeral VI (6), and VIOLET has six different letters. It comes in sixth on at least six lists: (1) alphabetic by first letter, (2) alphabetic by last letter, (3) alphabetic by third letter, (4) alphabetic when letters of each word are arranged in reverse alphabetic order, (5) sums of alphabetic values, (6) letter weights (average letter value). It transdeletes to another color name, OLIVE, which leads into the trans-deletion pyramid VIOLET OLIVE EVIL LIE EL E. Its letters can be sorted into two equal groups in an astonishing variety of ways: (1) half of its letters are consonants, half vowels, (2) half are first-half letters, half last-half letters, (3) half are even-numbered letters, half odd, (4) half are Roman numeral letters, half aren't, (5) letters in the first half begin VIBGYOR color names, but letters in the last half don't, (6) written in lowercase, it alternates between short and tall letters, (7) half of the letters are typed with the left hand, and half with the right, (8) topologically, half can be printed with a single straight line (angled where necessary), and half cannot, (9) letters in the last half contain vertical lines, but letters in the first half do not. Finally, four letters have vertical symmetry (VIOT), three have horizontal symmetry (IOE). Two have vertical and horizontal symmetry (IO), and one has no symmetry (L).

* INDIGO is a zigzag word which changes alphabetic direction going from one letter to the next. It is the only color name spelled without E. INDIGO and BLUE are the only two color names having no letter in common. It has the most state name abbreviations (IN, ND). INDIGO and VIOLET have opposite vowel-consonant patterns. INDIGO and ORANGE in reverse (EGNARO) have the same vowel-consonant pattern. It has three Roman letters in palindromic order (IDI).

* BLUE divides into consonants on the left but vowels on the right, and even-numbered letters on the left but odd-numbered on the right. The consonants are in alphabetic order and the vowels in reverse alphabetic order. BLUE has the same letter weight as ORANGE, a perfect 10, and the two colors are collectively spelled with ten letters.

* GREEN has its four different letters appearing in another color name, ORANGE. Its first two letters and the first two letters of YELLOW transpose to spell another color name, GREY.

* YELLOW is the loudest color name, redividing into YELL OW! The alphabetic values add up to 92, the highest of the group, and its letter weight is 15.333, also the highest. It has the greatest number of straight lines--15.

* ORANGE forms words by successive deletions of terminal letters: ORANGE RANG AN. In VIBGYOR order it occupies the sixth position and has six letters. As previously noted, its reverse EGNARO has the same vowel-consonant pattern of INDIGO and the opposite of VIOLET. Its last three letters and the first two of RED transpose to spell GREEN.

* RED is the only word with a comparative that is a palindrome: REDDER. It has three letters, and it appears third which the color names are placed in reverse alphabetic order. It alternates consonants and vowels, and odd and even letters. Its letters appear in reverse alphabetic order. It is spelled with letters having one vertical line apiece. It begins with the musical syllable RE and ends with the musical note D. RE is the syllable representing the note D.

The following table shows the various numeric quantities of the letters
spelling VIBGYOR words

              Letter Values      Sum   Letter Weight

Violet   6    22 9 15 12 5 20    83    13.833...
Indigo   6    9 14 4 9 7 15      58    9.666...
Blue     4    2 12 21 5          40    10
Green    5    7 18 5 5 14        49    9.8
Yellow   6    25 5 12 12 15 23   92    15.333
Orange   6    15 18 1 14 7 5     60    10
Red      3    18 5 4             27    9
All      36                      409   11.3611 ...

A Tiny Whirlpool of Language

None means ZERO, the first digit in the decimal system, which uses combinations of the ten digits 0-9 to form the numbers. Removing the first letter from NONE leaves ONE, which begins with O, the symbol for ZERO, which means NONE. The ninth letter of the alphabet is I.

Substituting I for O changes NONE to NINE, the last of the digits. I is the Roman numeral for ONE, which begins O, which means NONE, which means ZERO ... This is one of the tiny whirlpools of language.

Cheapskate Monthly

Ove Michaelsen found a journal called the Cheapskate Monthly. And why shouldn't there be? It doesn't sell well because its clientele are cheapskates. How about some other periodicals whose names illustrate their contents? Here are nine that I found in the Mad Magazine section of my mind.

Procrasti Monthly nator      Clastrphbic Times
Dysmonthic Lexly             Sleepwalker's Nightlyzzz
Absent-Minded Quar           P-P-P-Paranoid Annual?
Buuuuuuuuuulemic Dispatch
Obsessive Compulsive Obsessive Compulsive Obsessive Compulsive
Bi-Monthly

A Tale for the Thick-Skinned

According to Peter Newby," Dr. A. Noel Leonard, the director of new Bybwen's Ooze Zoo, led a safari to capture an African pachyderm known as a ylp, or, to the less well-informed, an elephant. Vital to the success of the emission was a Mexican named Pepe, the qualified marksman who possessed the expedition's tranquilizer gun. For a month they sought the big beast in vain. Then, suddenly, they came across a magnificent bull ylp which put all but the esteemed director and his Mexican assistant to flight. Calmly, the good doctor turned to his assistant and said 'Ply trade, Pepe. Dart ylp!'"

Trunk Call

"Whilst most folk are aware of the tendency of the ass to BRAY," says Peter, "how many are aware of the capacity of the ylp to create anagrams? In the days of yore, the elephant was said to BARY!"

Hannibal 'Usbandry

"With what did Hannibal cross the ylps?" Peter asks. "Various animals have been suggested over the centuries, chief among these being some sort of mountain goat, though just as strong a ease has been made for the humble ass. Now, Darby Belsire proposes the OLFEND as being the most likely large domestic creature to have been put to the service of that historic Carthaginian. Probably better known as a brand of cigarette, this cameline beast of burden has a long history of employment by the Arabs."

Rhyming Cities

At least two Iowa cities are made of two syllables that rhyme: SPILLVILLE and SWALEDALE. There must be many other cities around the world with names like these. The editor notes MAHWAH, MILVILLE and BROWNTOWN in New Jersey--does it have a DOWNTOWN? Are there any in your state, country, continent, or hemisphere?

Once Upon a Time ...

"Once upon a time" is a tautology, says Anil. "Whoever heard of twice upon a time?"

Thanks a Lot!

Anil points out that "Webster's 2nd defines pilandite as 'a leucocratic porphyry with phenocrysts, a groundmass of anorthoclase, and a little amphibole" and adds "Well at least I know what 'a', 'with', 'of', 'and', and 'little' mean." I checked the definition and it concludes with "Cf. HATHERLITE", a word that can't be ignored. I turned to the H's and there it was, glowing in its puzzling enigmacity. Webster's went all out and defined hatherlite as "an anorthoclasehornblende-augite-syenite". Simple clarity would have sufficed, but Webster's includes the frills at no extra charge. Like Anil, I can say that I at least know what "an" means.

As I was Going to St. Ites

The pilandrite-hatherlite discussion in the previous kickshaw led me to compose the following on the old bones of a famous nursery rhyme:

   As I was going to St. Ites
   I met a man with pilandites.
   Each pilandite had hatherlites.
   Each hatherlite had augites.
   Each augite had syenites.
   Anorthoclase-hornblende-augite-syenites,
   How many were going to St. Ites?

Change of State

Anil proposes the following way to convert one US state to another: "The letters of Kentucky can be rearranged to KNETYCUK and--if the border guards are a bit lax--can pass as Connecticut! (If that fails, try KNEKYCUT.) Likewise Iowa can pass as Hawaii (OWAI) and, if the guards are sleepy enough, Ohio can pass as Idaho (IOHO) and Carolina as California (CALIORNA). Any others? Well for dead asleep guards both Nebraska and Kansas might pass as Arkansas (ARKBENSA, AKNSSA), Washington as Wisconsin (WIGTONSHAN), Georgia as Oregon (OREAGIG), California as Florida (FLORIINCAA) and New Jersey as Virginia (WERJENSYE). But surely the most fickle state of all is Utah which can pass as any UTHA state! Except Michigan--no one can CHAIN GIM!"

Iowa Revisited

In the previous kickshaw, Anil said that Iowa can pass as Hawaii (OWAI), but in a similar fashion Hawaii can pass as Iowa by simply reversing its letters (IIAWAH). Note that the two state names are composed of letters having vertical symmetry. Does any other pair of states work so well together?

Dolphin Feedback Contest

Here is a tale of dolphins, courtesy of Anil: "A well-meaning soul recorded some dolphin sounds and later played them back to a pod of dolphins in hopes of communicating with them. Well, it must have worked because they all went quiet and quickly fled the area. Your challenge is to translate that recording. Send your entries to Kickshaws, which will choose the winner. The prize will be your very own pod of dolphins, or else a picture of one. (Not allowed: "Thank you for the giant sea tortoise.")

Palindromes in Biology

"The anti-parallel complementary strands of the DNA double helix can be considered as encoded reversals of one another, encoded by the G = C, A = T (or U in RNA) rule," Anil writes. "As well, within a single nucleic acid strand encoded reversals of base sequences occur, notably in transfer RNA where they fold back onto each other dictating its vital trefoil-like structure. But recently, direct, not complementary, palindromes have been found in the Y chromosome (see Scientific America for December 2004, p 20). There they are postulated to provide the solution to a major long-term problem: how to screen out the inevitable faults or mutations which arise. Other chromosomes, including the X in females, occur in pairs, which are thought to screen each other. But the Y has no partner so it has to screen itself, which it apparently does via alignment and cross reading of these palindromic sequences. (Parallel: anti-parallel themselves, by the way, form a 'word' palindrome and a neat double: antonyms--opposites--and synonyms--still parallel!)"

Some More Truthful Equations

"Your 'Prime Expressions' in the May 1996 Kickshaws (p 111) equated certain sums with their number of letters," Anil says. "Combining these with each other and with the other half-equations cited in the August and November 2004 Colloquy, a large number of 'triply truthful' whole equations are possible in addition to the two in the Colloquies. (Triply means that the two sides are equal both in numerical sum and in the sum number of letters, and that these two sums equal each other.)"

1-6 A fourfold equality (six pairings, ie any two of these qualify)

TWO + THREE + FIVE + FIVE + FIVE =

THREE + THREE + SEVEN + SEVEN =

FOUR + ONE + ONE + SEVEN + SEVEN =

FOUR + FOUR + FOUR + FOUR + FOUR = 20

7-41 In addition (or subtraction) one can generate 35 more equations from your long list of half-equations since two of them equal 0, three equal 9, five equal 8, and seven equal 2 (ie, 1 + 3 + 10 + 21 pairings). In addition, four of them equal 4, accounted for below.

42 Combining one of yours with one of mine gives

ONE + FIVE + FIVE = TWO + FOUR + FIVE = 11

43 Still, in all of this there appears only one simple four-term addition, my original (p 186)

ONE + SEVEN = FOUR + FOUR,

and three four-term subtractions (1-b = c-d) from different combinations of three of yours (counted as 39-41 above), EIGHT - SIX = ELEVEN -NINE = FOURTEEN - TWELVE = 2

44 There is only one three-term equation: THIRTEEN - NINE = FOUR = 4

45-134 Adding these two half-equations to the other two 4's in your list (NINE - SIX + ONE = FIFTEEN - TWELVE + ONE) and to the following ten half-equations which also total four each, makes another 90 combos!

SIX - TWO + ZERO = SEVEN - THREE + ZERO = NINE - SIX + ONE =

NINE - EIGHT + THREE = NINE = FIVE + ZERO = ONE + THREE = ZERO = SEVENTEEN - FOURTEEN + ONE = NINETEEN - SIXTEEN + ONE = EIGHTEEN - FIFTEEN + ONE = EIGHTEEN - FOURTEEN + ZERO = 4

Needed Words

Anti has a list of words that he wishes were in general usage for practical reasons. He has decided to place them before the Kickshaws public as a possible way of displaying these new coinages while realizing how extremely difficult it is for one to come up with a word that everyone uses. Of course, this is easy to accomplish if you're a well-known celebrity or rap group, or even a president who uses words in ways they weren't originally intended to say sentences that weren't originally imagined. Here are some of Anil's words.

atc. "Etc." means "and others, and so forth" but I often need a word meaning "or so forth", "or some such", "or something similar instead". I use "or etc." but feel downright unclean when I do because that has the ridiculous meaning of "or and others". I propose the analogous Latin phrase aut cetera "or others." I abbreviate it "atc." rather than the unwieldy "autc." This also makes it more easily recognizable as a parallel to etc. But even autc. would be better than nothing.

ito We have the word "respectively" to mean "in that order" when comparing two lists, but I pine for a term as short as the German expression "bzw" (abbreviation for beziehungsweise, "relativewise"), which is so used. I proposed this analogous abbreviation of the English "in that order". It's also modeled on the English abbreviation "ilo" for "in lieu of" which is in Web 3.

I make these proposals not expecting them to be adopted but to vent my frustration that there are no such words. I ask readers to do likewise, offering up their own pet peeve "needed words" or abbreviations. Maybe together we can compile a little dictionary and force it on the public, or on Messieurs Merriam and Webster, Funk and Wagnalls, Random and House, or Oxford and English

Punctuation Changes

In most cases, punctuation is much less a problem in English than the words that it punctuates. However, there are times when a simple punctuation mark doesn't have the power to do the job. Here are two punctuation marks I'd like to see.

Tilde hyphen: When a word that ordinarily uses a hyphen, such as hip-hop, appears at the end of the line and has to be continued on the next line, it isn't always clear whether the hyphen belongs in the word all the time or if it is just added to a word normally unbroken by a hyphen because the word's at the end of the line. Is the word hip-hop or hiphop? The solution is a tilde hyphen: hiphop retains a regular hyphen when it appears within a line. But if there is a normal hyphen in hiphop at the end of the line, then hiphop is a solid unhyphenated word in the middle of a line.

Slash line. Some poems are printed in stanzas that are separated by blank lines. When one stanza ends at the bottom of the page and another starts at the top of the next page, it gets confusing. Are the two stanzas meant to be a single stanza? Using a slash line would solve the problem. It would serve like a hyphen when (for instance) a four-line stanza has to be broken into two parts, as follows. Note that without the slash line the poem reads as two stanzas, the first three lines long, the second one line long.

   Twinkle, twinkle, little car        Cadillac or Chevrolet.
   How I wonder what you are.
   From this distance, who could say

Scrabble Acronyms

"In response to the February Kickshaws," says Anti, "I had a go at writing Scrabble acronyms that actually describe Scrabble itself, or an aspect of it. I'm sure one could do better with a bigger effort, but you may, if you're a lenient grader, like one of these two quickies."

Set Certain 'Runes' And Bring Big-scoring Lexical Enjoyment

Seven Chips, Rearranged, Allow Branded Board Logological Expression

Reigning Cats and Dogs 

Jay Ames sends the following two lists showing his definitions for words beginning with a CAT or a DOG. This raises a question: there is a Catwoman in the comics and the movies, but why is thee no Dogman?

CATABOLIC strong soap for felines

CATABOLISH like a cat bowl: messy/empty

CATACAUSTIC lye/soda pussy

CATACHRESIS Croesus's cat

CATACOMBS feline grooming aids

CATADROMOUS road heppy cat

CATAFALQUE pussy-hawk cross

CATALAN Spanish cat

CATALEPSY cat fits

CATALINA skinnier moggle

CATALO short-legged as a Dachsi

CATALOG claw sharpener

CATALYST feline Debrett

CATAMARAN two-hulled moggle

CATAMOUNT horny Tom

CATAPHYLL Phyll's pet pussy

CATARACT wheezy feline

CATASTASIS settled cat

CATATONIA where mousers retire to

CATERPILLAR scratching post

CATERWAUL feline Wailing Wall

DOGBANE mountain herb, Scots doggie bone

DOGBERRY park droppings

DOGCART he/she who totes pooches-in-arms

DOGCOLLAR neckwear for parsons/priests

DOGDAYS special playtime for pooches

DOGE doggie palazzo in Rome

DOGEARED also known as cauliflower lobes

DOGFIGHT somethin' flyboys get into

DOGFISH hybrid critter

DOGGER BANKS depository for fishermen

DOGGEREL doggie ditties

DOGGISH very smelly when wet

DOGGO lie about/lie about everything

DOGGONE pooch left for parts unknown

DOGHOUSE married man's bolt hole

DOGMA a real bitch, unquestionably

DOGMATIC bitch's biter

DOGNAP trim the hound's hide

DOGPADDLE for swatting its butt

DOGRIB generally not for barbecuing

DOG STAR Lassie, Old Yeller, Rin Tin Tin

Constrained Rewriting

How easy is it to rewrite a text by excluding certain parts of grammar without changing the meaning or the sound of the language too much? Here is a quick subjective study comparing constrained rewriting. In the first part, three familiar lines were rewritten without a different part of grammar each time. The resulting trios are listed beginning with the hardest to write and progressing to the easiest. (An omission indicates that the line needed no rewriting.) In the second part, Shakespeare's "Tomorrow" soliloquy was rewritten without verbs and then without nouns. In all of these rewrites, replacing nouns was the most difficult by far, followed by replacing adjectives and then by replacing verbs. Participles and gerunds were allowed as long as they didn't fit within a verb form: "I, writing this", is all right but not "I am writing this". Replacing prepositions was surprisingly simple. In writing new text, it would seem that nouns would still be most difficult, followed by verbs. The other parts of grammar would be much easier since they usually aren't necessary for writing correct sentences.

No nouns

Now is when all good male ones should come to aid those who vote similarly

The quick brown vulpine something jumps over the lazy canine something

Shall I compare thee to that which is summery daily?

No adjectives

Now is the time for all of the do-gooders who are men to come to the aid of the party that they belong to

The fox of brown quickly jumps over the dog of laziness

No verbs

Now! The time for all good men! To the aid of their party!

The quick brown fox. What jumping movements! And over the lazy dog!

In the future, I, comparing thee to a summer's day?

No pronouns

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party to which the aforementioned men belong

Shall the author compare the reader to a summer's day?

No prepositions

Now is the time that all good men should come and aid their party

The quick brown fox jumps the lazy dog

Shall I compare thee and a summer's day?

No adverbs

The present is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party

No articles

Now is that time for all good men to come to aid their party

This quick brown fox jumps over that lazy dog

Shall I compare thee to some summer's day?

No Verbs   Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
           Creeping in this petty pace from day to day,
           And all our yesterdays lighting fools
           The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle!
           Life! But a walking shadow, a poor player
           With struts and frets! His hour upon the stage,
           And then--no more! It, a tale
           By an idiot, full of sound and fury,
           Signifying nothing.
No Nouns   Futuristically, futuristically, futuristically,
           Creeping in pettily, pacing daily,
           All our temporal somethings have lighted foolish ones
           To journey to dusty, death-like nothing. Out, out, briefly
             glowing!
           Living, and walking darkly, playing poorly,
           Who struts and frets hourly, he is staging
           And then is seen no more! It is story-like,
           Told by one who is stupid, full, loud and furious,
           Signifying nothing.

The Prime Ministers, More and More

Sir Jeremy Morse sent some improvements on Jim Puder's article "The Prime Ministers, More or Less". In the article, Jim added or subtracted one or more letters from each Prime Minister's name and transposed the new set of letters; for example WALPOLE transdeletes to WALLOP and transadds to WALLOPER. Transdeletions are coded by a minus sign.

Newcastle CANDLE-WASHER (OED)
Devonshire OVERFINISHED (Chambers)
Shelburn BRUSHLESSNESS (OED)
Portland DEPLORATION (OED)
Addington--DONATING
Perceval DEDIGNATION (OED)
Liverpool OVER-POLEMICAL (OED)
Canning NUANCING (Chambers)
Melbourne WHOLE NUMBER
Russell--SULLES (OED)
Gladstone DESOLATING
Balfour--LABOUR
Asquith--QUAITS (OED)
Baldwin--BILAND (OED)
Chamberlain PULMOBRANCHIAE (OED)
Attlee PATELET (OED)
Callaghan ARCHANGELICAL (OED)
Wellington--TOWELLING

Junkie's Song

Jeremy enclosed a "logological poem with an obvious alphabetical motif." Readers will probably detect it as the words go marching by in this surrealistic tale of animals and music.

   Let wolves baa, aardvarks hiss, and seas ebb back;
   Draw vaccine on odd days from carefree eels;
   Sniff fried egg garnished with hot griddle-cakes,
   Whose radii I infill with benj, jam-packed;
   See shark kill llama swimming by the inn,
   Nor spare thee too, O oozy water snake;
   Go shopping in the suq, quaff milk and purr;
   Rootle with ass's snout in badger's sett;
   Then to delight you ukuleles bring,
   Revved-up guitars new-wrought, six xylophones,
   And play your sweet jazz zither till it breaks.

Words With Repeated Bigrams and Trigrams: Follow-Ups

Ed Wolpow adds to Jeremy Morse's list of words with repeated bigrams and trigrams in the last Kickshaws. "Just a note about a Feb 2005 Kickshaws item, top of page 58. The list of repeated bigrams omits Q, and the entry ZOOZOO for Z is incorrect. So, the list of bigrams lacks Q, X and Z, and the list of trigrams lacks Z. QEQErtaq is an island of Greenland, notes the Times Atlas of the World. XIXIa is a locale in China in the same reference. I googled hydroXYXYlene as a likely word and did find a single reference in a pharmacy journal, as 4-hydroxyxylene. ZIZIa and ZIZIth are in Webster's Unabridged as well as the lovely word peZIZIform--botanically 'cupshaped'. XINXINg is listed as a locale in China in the same atlas, so that should cover the field in reasonable references for the holes."

Rex Gooch sends a batch as well. "Repeated Trigrams: found no dictionary words for X, but there are numerous place names, notably thirteen starting XINXIN, including Xinxin itself. The trigram is cunningly hidden in Xixia Xian. Repeated Bigrams: for X, ex-Exe (a coinage) and ixixi (a snow goose) are from The Palindromicon II; tax-exempt (OED tax); Xuxu in China 34[degrees]21, 119[degrees]18 and many similar. For Z, Zizi (personal name, see OED purringly); zezew (a zither-like string instrument of eastern and central Africa, OED); peziziform (OED Peziza) and many others."

At the Edge of Words

Jeff Grant points out that "beheading BRIM (edge) leaves RIM (edge), and TRIMMING (decorative edging) also contains RIM. More interestingly, RIM appears in PERIMETER, another edge word." Jeff's beheading reminded me of a curious relationship regarding hats. To DON a hat and to DOFF a hat are opposites. DON means put it ON, and OFF means take it OFF.

More Advice

Jeff tried transposing the letters of my name with intriguing results. "AMI Insurance recently ran an advertising campaign in New Zealand based on the punning phrase 'AM I insured?' (AMI insured). A pity it wasn't AM I COVERED, a transposal of DAVE MORICE. Have you noticed that the first ten letters in MEDIA COVERAGE, ACID REMOVER and OVERMEDICATED all transpose to DAVE MORICE? If you OVERCLAIMED on your MEDICOVER you could get a transaddition and a transdeletion in the same sentence. It is interesting that DAVE MORICE + NA (North America) = AMERICAN DOVE (or VERONICA MEAD), and DAVE MORICE + IA (Iowa) = VIDEO AMERICA. Looking at straight transposals, your ideal street address would be CAMEO DRIVE (there are lots of them in US), and if you don't actually have a DREAM VOICE your best career prospects could be at New York public relations agency MEDIACOVER."

One good turn deserves another, so I got out the lettershift calculator, cranked it up, and let it work on Jeff's name. I emailed him "GRANT shifts 13 steps to TENAG = AGENT. Change E in AGENT to R to get AGRNT which transposes back to GRANT. Amazingly, JEFF G shifts 9 steps to become a rare five-letter shift, SNOOP. Let's see what your name says about your mastery of the game of Scrabble in New Zealand. JEFF NZ shifts 9 to SNOOWI, which is perfect to remember when you win a championship, since it transposes to the phrase SO I WON, although if you won in a close, tense, heart-pounding game, you might also remember another transposal, I SWOON. Now let's shift JEFF NZ 13 steps to WRSSAM = SWARMS of words from a single rack of letters. Or 15 to YTUUOC = YOU CUT the tiles (not the cards). Or 25 to IDEEMY = MID EYE, the mythical middle eye so necessary in winning Scrabble."

Xictionary: A Dictionary of Words Beginning With X

X is the least-used letter in English. It is made in one of the most basic ways possible--two lines crossing each other. This suggests that X should be one of the most-used letters. Xictionary provides many new X-words to help X catch up with the 25 other letters. Here are 52 X-words and their definitions.

XAARIOT a whisk broom on a desert island

XABTUNKLE the hard skeleton secreted by a raindrop prior to a storm

XACON a religious sect that moves on or as if on a seesaw 

XADPIPZIP to eat bits of cowhide during a rodeo

XAEULIO a lively dance by a dull person

XAFFXIFF to crumple a small animal

XAGGYPLAGGY a hairstyle that combines the worst attributes of mullet and dr eadlocks

XAHANA the act or sound of laughing at an odor left in passing

XAITCCH derived form or depending upon a beautiful dangerous woman

XAJPIMMERY a towel for drying a man's wig

XAKKNAW a loose gown worn in bed by the female deity Fascinakka in ancient Micronesian mythology

XALLO a game of discards

XAMINTHOOBOIBOI to pound one's fist on a melon

XANKZCHPT a scratch on a brand-new car

XAO an extremely crude form of Zen practiced by malcontents at airports

XAPXAPXAP very, very, very, very, very sharp

XAQUE sensiblenessless

XARGRUOALF the sound of wind blowing over a house of cards 

XASTICALLY in a crude or viscous manner

XATZAROOUU the surtax on bikinis

XAUGLATE to make the throaty cry of an angry extinct carnivore late at night

XAVLEENTNARY not drunk, but not sober

SAXATDI a chestnut or chestnuts roasting on a class C fire

XAX slang term for abominably bad taste in footwear

XAYBOT a robot game out of control in a world populated by androids

XAZZIK a type of jacknail used with a left-handed jackhammer, named after a female jackrabbit 

XEAMZAPUT an apple after it has been run over by a steamroller

XEBNOTIZE to hypnotize by gently clubbing the subject over the head

XECCHY the happiness one feels after successfully sneezing

XEDDADDUDDLE something valueless that acquires value by being sold as part of an odd lot of equally valueless things at a flea market

XEE the sad chirp of a bird flying with one wing and carrying its nest with the other

XEFFIEZABBASHABUI the Anteater Devil of ancient Atlantean mythology who caused the island of Atlantis to sink by raining one hundred thousand million billion trillion ants on it

XEGCHOW food that is no longer delicious to humans or cats, only to dogs

XEHUISTICALLY acting like a squirrel that has found a pair of Siamese acorns

XEIMZITCHMATIST a collector of vegetables that resemble the heads of famous movie stars

XEJICK vermilion with an outer edge of yellow, a central oval of mauve, and a jagged spiral of puce commonly found on moldy bread

XEKARAT an unpopular form of martial arts based on tickling instead of kick ing

XELLY delicious sugar-flavored wax found in the ears of elephant

XEM discarded gum that many bugs have become embedded in

XENJIBPLI the original middle name of Attila the Hun (Attila Xenjibpli Hun) which means in modern terms "the homecoming king"

XEOIT a person who goes prospecting in the sewers of Detroit

XEPSH to splash bittersweet cologne on one's ex

XEQUAVE an artist who builds large plastic trees and exhibits them in rainforests

XERR exclamation used by pit bulls similar to 'grrr' only much worse

XESKAFFION a constellation that doesn't resemble anything but a bunch of st ars

XETTEXETTEXETTEXETT a society of talking monkeys who only know cusswords

XEUTIAT a tragic loss followed by an equally tragic gain

XEVTISHPUBBLE to step in a puddle not much rounder than a manhole cove but deeper than thirty skyscrapers

XEWIEDEWIE to find a wallet with $100,000 of counterfeit play money in it

XEXAN a newly-discovered chemical element that looks like caviar, tastes like caviar, and costs as much as caviar

XEY to pray so many times to God that God hates the supplicant and has already planned on condemning him or her to eternal damnation

XEZBRAST a mime that refuses to stop talking

More Mathematical Limericks

In the November Kickshaws several limericks with a mathematical theme were featured. Anil sent a couple more for your delectation.

   If you ask me, the square root of two
   Is one point four one four and two too,
   One hundred and thirty
   Five ... (Here it gets dirty--
   That's as far as my pocket calculator will goo.)

   "Ten factorial" sounds pretty neat
   It's three million, two eighty-eight
   Thousand eight hundred
   As even a dunderhead
   Knows--and it managed to fit easily within the allotted number of
   feet.

Fraternity Names

The November 1987 Kickshaws gave some comic fraternity names (Eta Bita Pie, etc.) and asked for more. Anil writes "This may be well known and trivial, but there was and perhaps still is an actual informal frat on certain college campuses named Sigma Phi Nothing--[SIGMA][PHI]O.

The Shell Game Redux

Regarding the "Shell Game" WHO-HOW pairs, Anil writes "I'm wondering why you omitted three of my solutions (SAT-ATS, SEX-EX'S, and the multiplication DAD-ADD). The inferred ATS is surely as legitimate an inflexion as TAS. I'm particularly surprised you omitted SEX-EX'S since they make such a neat antonymic pair. And DAD-ADD, although it changed the rules a bit, was I though an interesting new direction to take your initial WHO-HOW discovery."

At Sea At Sea

In past Kickshaws, Bill Brandt used names of imaginary people to recount a trip to the store to buy a dress, a visit to the complaint department, and a sofa heist. The following crisis on a cruise ship involves an iceberg collision and an electrical failure of the pumps.

Luke N. Eyesburg--Will V. Hitet?

Otis S. Terrible! Manda Lifeboats! Manda Pumps!

Harvey Gonnafixit?

Yvonne DeHowe ... Bud Wait! Theresa Way

Irma Workinonet

Ned Ahand--Anita Moore Tools

Sherwood A. Preciatet--Rhonda Beck, Ginger Lee Jimmy D. Switch Anne Turnon Dee Power

Alice Complete--Justin Time! Vera Saved! Eloise B. Grateful

Alma Tinksew

D.Vernon Verking--Darcy Mal Function

Yuri Sourceful--U. Ken Doit!

Dan Gestarted!

Howie Doin?

Donna Giveup--Connie Ellpue?

Charade Ad

Rich Lederer sent an excellent charade that he attributes to Frank Rubin. It provides a perfect way to conclude this Kickshaws: BOOKSTORE AD: BOOKS TO READ.

Readers are encouraged to send their favorite linguistic kickshaws to the Kickshaws editor at [e-mail]. Answers can be found in Answers and Solutions at the end of this issue.

DAVE MORICE

Iowa City, Iowa