Kicking the habit.

Up until about two years ago, if you had asked what of my material possessions I would take from my burning house if I could save only one item, I would have answered immediately and without hesitation: my violin. Now my household has acquired an item that is so priceless, so irreplaceable, both my husband and I would risk our lives to rescue it from the threat of burning: our son's biankie.

Made by his great-grandmother, the once snow-white "broom-bah" (your guess is as good as ours) has darkened permanently to the color your driveway gets just before you reseal it. The edges are tattered and torn. There is a patch over a hole made when my husband accidentally held it too close to the campfire. Before patching it, I used the hole to insert a little music box button that would play Christmas music when he pressed it. "Momma! My broom-bah can sing!" he would exclaim joyously.

The sight of Josh and his frayed blankie has always elicited comments. But now he's 3 1/2, and the comments are getting old. Maybe, we reason behind closed doors, maybe it is time for him to give up that thing. But how can you tell? It isn't as if he's going to come out of his room one day, hand us his blanket, and say in a very dignified manner, "Mother, Father, it's time I moved on. Please discard this for me."

So how do you know if it's time to help them let go? And how do you go about doing it?

Children operate on their own timetables when it comes to letting go of their comfort objects, so it's important to keep things in perspective. Chances are good you don't know any thumb- or pacifier-sucking, blankie-hugging adults. Eventually your child will let go. Your goal is to support them and help them when they need help kicking the habit.

"If a child wants to quit, half the battle is won," says UCLA professor Mary O'Connor, child psychologist and director of UCLA's infant and Preschool evaluation and brief treatment service. "You have to let them do it themselves, or they'll never feel any sense of accomplishment."

If you decide to intervene, some ways you can help include:

* Recognize your child's triggers. Of the nearly 20 percent of 5-year-olds who still suck their thumbs, most do it when they're tired or stressed. Plan "down" or quiet times for your child during the day when you know he or she needs it. Give them some extra emotional support in the form of cuddling or one-on-one interaction.

* Begin by not taking the blankie or pacifier with you for short trips to the grocery store. When that is accepted, try limiting it to naps and bedtime.

* Reward your child. For every trip they don't require a blankie or every half-day they go without sucking their thumb, let them put up a gold star or other sticker on a colorful chart.

* Try reminders like a Band-Aid on the sucking thumb or a bitter-tasting liquid called Thum that can be painted on the thumb (or fingers).

Before you try "helping" a child quit, remember that trying to force them before they are ready can create a battle zone instead of providing an opportunity for them to kick the habit on their own. Eventually children will grow out of the thumb-sucking, blankie-clutching, pacifier-using habit. And then they'll grow up and develop new comfort measures, such as taking long tub baths, gabbing for hours on the phone, or music appreciation. And depending on what kind of music they appreciate, you may want that pacifier back.

Celeste perrino Walker finished this column for Vibrant Life from her own comfort zone in Rutland, Vermont.