Kevin "spanky" long.

Hablas espanol?

Shut up.

Are you Mexican?

I wish.

Is that why your new shoe is called the KSL Dos? "Dos" means two, right?

I guess. I trust my translator.

How is this shoe different from any other skate shoe?

Shit, I don't know all that much about other skate shoes right now. All I know is that it feels good to skateboard in and it looks good to me. I can't wear big bulky shoes; those vulcanized shoes hurt my feet. We designed a shoe that's thinner and looks vulcanized, but has the comfort and support that I think is essential. It's like my first shoe on Phen-Fen.

What's Phen-Fen?

You don't remember seeing those commercials about getting legal compensation for that diet pill that was giving people heart attacks and shit? It was like legal speed that made you as skinny as Nicole Richie. I just meant the shoe lost weight.

So the shoe isn't bulky like Muska, it's more like Paris.

Muska is bro.

He's the most bro dude out right now. You see him around Hollywood ever?

I see him every once in awhile. Bottom line, that dude is a nailer. Constant entertainment, positive vibes, and unboring on and off the board.

I heard he and Braydon kick it a lot.

Yeah. They're on some new level US Weekly shit. That's a power couple. Texas breeds some exciting humans. Yer doin' good.

Why are you so out of it all the time?

Out of it? Shit, I don't know. I'm just spaced out. I am constantly distracted. I think a lot. I guess I get wrapped up in thinking about too much and can't keep track of my possessions. I don't know.

Is it the buckets of coffee you drink when you wake up?

Maybe. Yeah, my recent caffeine consumption situation is pretty intense, but that's my fuel. I love the way I live. My life is in shambles, but I couldn't be enjoying it anymore than I am. Material things are replaceable, but I think I take care of the important stuff.

It's crazy how you can be so out of it but still operate a Harley. How are you not dead on that thing yet?

When I get on my motorcycle I run through all the reasons I shouldn't be riding one. I disengage my autopilot life and focus. I think it's good for me, like my therapy. I get awake and aware, because that shit is sketchy. I've been turned into and cut off so many times by these Armani-wearing, cell phone, Los Angeles douche bags. It keeps me on my toes.

When you went on the Harley trip, were there Armani fools trying to kill you? Or is that only in LA?

The Harley trip was nothing like riding in LA. That was the best trip of my life. All the way across the country with nothing but the open road, skating, and friends. We would drive and skate all day, usually hit up a campground, get some sleep, and then do it all over again. We were bathing in lakes and pushing our grime limits to the max. I felt like I could eat glass after that tour.

I heard that's what a Harley would do to you. It's like a final chapter in a man's life.

Yeah, I guess. My whole family is obsessed with motorsports. Gearheads though and through. I never had any interest in any motor vehicle until I had the opportunity to go on that first Harley tour. And to be honest, yeah, definitely a life changer. It feels a lot like skating sometimes, too. When you're weaving through traffic between lanes, it feels like skating down the street in New York.

What's the word on the new apartment?

I like it; it's my first apartment living completely alone. It's in Hollywood. It has a shredding proximity to fun, food, and friends. I spend a lot of time reading in the jacuzzi, and lately there have been a lot of bros coming to visit.

Who are the locals?

Jerry Hsu has probably spent the most time here. You stayed here for awhile. Ako Jefferson crashes here about three times a week. Pizza of trust. Some other friends from New York. My landlord told me the guy below me is moving out because of all the noise. I feel bad, but it is a fun place.

How is it being on the best skate team, Baker?

It's all that I could ask for in a skateboarding career. It's been said 1,000 times, but fuck it, being on Baker is truly like being part of a family. Andrew runs Baker the way a company should be run. He really doesn't give a shit, and I love being a part of it. In my opinion, Andrew really knows what's hip and what is garbage. If I say, "My friend Meryl from New York made me a sick graphic," Andrew says, "Sick. Done." We trust him on his leadership, and he trusts us on our input. It is true democracy.

Don't you and Andrew record yourselves playing guitar together?

Once in a blue moon we will record it in a very mob fashion, just to humor ourselves. But we jam together quite often. Andrew usually plays some rhythm, and I'll try to add stuff to it. Sometimes we play some torture chamber sounding shit. We are both admittedly novice musicians, but there's a great feeling that comes with aligning in a jam sesh.

Doesn't Chris Cole play the guitar?

I'm not sure, but I certainly can picture him playing some Poison solos on a Flying V. Can't you? On one knee and shit.

Why does Phelps call you the Bank Buster?

I was wondering that myself. I can't tell if that was a diss or not.

It might be because you skate banks a lot. So you're over the rail craze?

No, lately I've just been skating the things that excite me most, whether it be a good bank spot or a gap or a pool or a rail. If it looks fun, I'll turn it on. I've been having fun at different spots lately. I'm just trying to skate and progress. I don't map out my video part like I need this many rails and this many lines and this many gaps. To me, that's corny. I'm just trying to skate the best I can and do what looks cool to me.

You've got a new shoe, a new apartment, a new Harley, a bunch of chicks all over you; what's next for Kevin Long?

My plans are to try to nail it in life and seek the unboring. We're filming for a new Emerica video so there is a lot of traveling in store. We're going to Australia, Japan, and France in the next few months. I'm coming out with a signature jean for RVCA, and working on other designs for their line. I just want to make the most out of skating because it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Is that weak?

Nah, it's cool.

I am burnt.

That's it, fuckers. Put the spade at the end of this shit. That's a wrap.