Keeping secrets.

Dear Arizona,

The other day when I was in my friend's room, I asked her about this box on her shelf. She

said that the stuff inside was private. Don't you think it was rude of her not to show me?

--Curious in Connecticut

Dear Curious,

I got the same kind of response from my best friend, Ollie, when I asked the simple little question, "What are you writing?"

"Nothing!" he snapped, then he threw his sweatshirt over his notebook.

"Whoa! Take it easy," I said. "What's the big secret, anyway?"

"Would you please just give me some space?" said Ollie.

"What's going on?" I demanded. "Why are you acting so strange?"

"I didn't know that a person's right to privacy was considered strange," he said, grabbing his notebook and skateboarding away.

I just stood there worrying. Why was Ollie being so secretive? What if he was writing stuff about me in his notebook? What if it was bad stuff?

When I finally got home, I took out my art supplies and started drawing. At first only scribbles came out, but after a while the scribbles turned into a picture of a girl who was standing in a puddle of tears.

"What are you drawing?" asked my little sister, Indi, looking over my shoulder.

"None of your business!" I said, kind of loudly. "Would you please just leave me alone?"

"It's not fair!" said Indi. "I show all my drawings to you! How come you don't like me anymore?"

And that's when I got it. I still liked Indi. I just needed to keep some stuff private.

Was it possible that Ollie wasn't trying to hurt my feelings by hiding his notebook after all? Was it possible that I was taking everything a little (or even a lot) too personally? Maybe Ollie just wanted to keep whatever was in that notebook to himself, and that's all there was to it.

I put down my pencil and turned toward Indi.

"I'm sorry," I said, giving her a hug. "Of course I still like you. As a matter of fact, I love you extra much for helping me."

"I helped you by making you mad?" Indi asked.

"No!" I laughed. "Ollie wouldn't share what he wrote with me today, so I was feeling all sad and left out--but you helped me understand something!"

"I did?" she said.

I nodded.

"Sometimes people need to keep certain things private," I explained. "Like my drawing, or like Ollie's notebook. Not because they're trying to keep secrets or anything, but just because--well, what I'm saying is that it's OK not to share everything all the time."

"OK," said Indi. "So now will you show me your drawing?"

I don't think Indi totally understood my point, but from then on, I got way less freaked out by Ollie's secret notebook.

Every now and then I'd walk up while he was writing in it, then he'd close it really fast, and I wouldn't even ask about it. I'd like to say that I was so cool that I didn't even care what he was writing. But the truth is--I was really curious.

About a million years (or maybe a couple of months) later, Ollie got out his guitar and asked if I wanted to hear something. When I said OK, he opened his notebook and started to sing.

"Wow!" I said at the end.

"I've been trying to write this song forever," he said. "I know it's not all that good, but--"

"Yeah, Ollie, you're right," I interrupted. "It's not all that good--it's amazing! You are a seriously talented songwriter!"

So, basically, my Curious friend, if someone is being secretive to hurt your feelings on purpose, that's one thing. But if someone just needs to keep some special thing private, that's pretty different.

So, about that box on your friend's shelf--maybe one day you'll find out what's inside, and maybe not. Either way, it's definitely not worth losing a friendship over!