KISS AND TELL : BLOOD-SPEWING BASSIST SIMMONS READY TO ROLL WITH MAKEUP-CLAD BAND DISMISSED BY CRITICS, BUT CITED AS A MAJOR INFLUENCE BY '90S ROCKERS.

Byline: Fred Shuster Daily News Music Writer

Gene Simmons of reunited rockers KISS was cackling as he described the vindication he enjoys whenever young musicians like Trent Reznor or Darius Rucker talk about how much the makeup-caked '70s band means to them.

``Imagine all the places in the world where rock critics are just carcasses lying by the roadside,'' Simmons quipped. ``All these poor worthless guys who haven't found a good honest job and can't figure out why nobody listened to what they said. KISS has to be their worst nightmare. We won't go away, and we just keep getting bigger.

``And to make it worse, every band a critic loves points to KISS, from Garth Brooks to Darius Rucker to Kurt Cobain. We are an all-pervasive rock 'n' roll virus.''

That virus is set to be unleashed June 15 at Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre when KISS makes its first appearance in 17 years at the sold-out KROQ Weenie Roast on a bill with the Fugees, No Doubt, Everclear and others. The KISS reunion tour kicks off June 28 at Tiger Stadium in Detroit, with dates Aug. 23 and 24 at the Forum.

``Even to get a driver's license, you've got to get some training,'' Simmons went on. ``Where is the validation to become a music critic? I understand journalism, I took some courses. But critics are really an unnecessary life form on the face of the Earth. And here's another thing: They ripped the movie `Mission: Impossible' to shreads. Well, it's a fine movie. You should go see it.''

Simmons has a bit of a chip on his shoulder because during his band's '70s heyday, good reviews were few. The party line in magazines like Rolling Stone was that KISS's campy, low-budget fire-breathing theatrics masked third-rate musicians and even worse material. Simmons and Co. were selling the sizzle not the steak. KISS was a marketing phenomenon aimed at preteens; the original gimmick group.

But today, the 45-year-old Simmons - born Chaim Witz in Haifa, Israel - is having the last laugh. Along with testimonials from Brooks, Cobain, Rucker, Reznor, Smashing Pumpkin Billy Corgan, Soundgarden's Kim Thayil, White Zombie's Rob Zombie, Lisa Loeb, and Hole's Courtney Love and Eric Erlandson, the fire-spitting showman is about to launch one of the year's hottest tours.

And he has lined up more than 300 pints of fake blood to spew during the yearlong, $7 million, 210-date production.

The fans can't wait.

``Obviously, there's substance to the music,'' said longtime KISS fan Marc Shapiro of Woodland Hills. ``It's not just a one-dimensional stage show. The tunes are good. And they're not shoving their political causes and opinions down your throat. I don't need some 19-year-old rock star preaching to me about injustice.''

That won't happen, Simmons promises. KISS has one simple message, and it's a familiar one: ``I want to rock 'n' roll all night and party every day!''

``I don't have a message,'' Simmons, who once taught sixth-grade in Spanish Harlem, said from his Beverly Hills home this week. ``I simply live my life the way I see it. I mean, I think marriage is a wonderful institution, but I've also been told you have to be nuts to be in an institution.''

The marketing of KISS - which also includes Paul Stanley (guitar-vocals), Ace Frehley (guitar-vocals) and Peter Criss (drums) - has begun anew. Along with a KISS meets the X-Men comic, the band will hawk an expensive coffee-table book, a 150-page KISS magazine to be sold at the shows and a new album, ``You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!'' which features live tracks from 1974-77 and a 17-minute recent interview with Jay Leno.

In addition, Spin magazine is putting each of the four faces of KISS on separate covers this summer, Simmons said.

``I'm grossly and decadently overpaid for what I do,'' Simmons admitted. ``I'm enormously rich, and anybody in my shoes who complains about life should be beaten within an inch of their lives. Sometimes, the bus rides are long between shows. We've got a tour bus that has everything - fax machines, telephones, VCRs, TVs, video games, food, drink. We've got beds on the bus that'll practically get up and do tricks for you. And I've heard members of the band complain.

``So, I point out the window and say, `How'd you like to trade places with that guy who's laying tar for a living?' Anybody that plays guitar for a living should shut up before the rest of the world realizes he's getting away with murder.''

Simmons may have been off the road for the past 17 years, but he made his fortune from the more than 75 million copies sold worldwide of KISS' 28 albums. The band is second only to the Beatles for most gold records (sales of 500,000-plus copies) obtained by any artist in history.

``There's nothing fresh about KISS, nothing, which is why we tried to keep it honest and convincing from the start,'' Simmons said. ``Look, we were the first band to put our name in blinking lights behind us on stage like a theater marquee. People said it was the height of arrogance. Now, everybody does it. We decided the people who didn't get it were not as advanced as us. Besides, we don't care what anybody thinks.''

One subject Simmons is adamant about is the use of drugs and alcohol. If you use, Simmons declares, forget being a member of the KISS army. And that goes double for band members.

``There's no such thing as just a little pregnant,'' Simmons said. ``Same with drugs - if you use, you're out. KISS is no different from a commando team or a war. Try and be in a ... jeep, where everyone has to pull his weight. If there's one flat tire, it's a pretty lame car. Every guy in this band is important, and everyone pulls his own weight. And I will not stand for anyone getting high on my time.''

It's a problem that surfaced in the late '70s when Frehley and Criss left the band before KISS broke up for good.

``Ace and Peter went through horrible times,'' Simmons said. ``Drugs is just a manifestation of it. Funny, when those guys were poor, the last thing on their minds was self-destruction. Funny how that happens.''

CAPTION(S):

2 Photos

Photo: (1) The reunited KISS is putting on the makeup fo r a 210-date tour, kicking off June 15 with an appearance at KROQ's Weenie Roast.

(2) ``I don't have a message. I simply live my life the way I see it. I mean, I think marriage is a wonderful institution, but I've also been told you have to be nuts to be in an institution.''

Gene Simmons

KISS