KIDS HELP EACH OTHER RECOVER FROM BLOW OF PARENTAL DEATH.

Byline: Angela Randazzo Daily News Staff Writer

Ryan McGuffin was only 8 when his mother died of breast cancer.

``Ryan helped take care of his mother until the very end,'' said his grandmother, Vivian Fleury. ``We thought it was the best way for him to deal with her illness.''

Fleury also had to deal with her own grief after daughter Erin died two years ago. Realizing that both Ryan and she needed help to cope with their loss, Fleury found it in grief-counseling and support-group programs offered by the Hospice of the Conjeo.

``Ryan feels they understand what he's going through,'' Fleury said. ``He can't talk about his loss in school. In the group, he feels safe. He can talk with the other kids who are going through the same thing.''

Free hour-long workshops are offered weekly by Bobbi Agor, director of youth services, and trained volunteers.

``The goal of the classes is to educate and support children during the grieving process so that they know what's happening to them is normal,'' Agor said.

The workshops help children find practical ways to deal with despair and anger and to keep the lines of communication open with the surviving adults in their families.

``Many children will shut down their own grieving process until they see how their surviving parent is coping,'' said Agor.

Parents learn that a child's grief process differs from an adult's. A surviving adult takes part in the group sessions with the younger children.

Jerry Fox of Simi Valley attends the workshop with his four stepchildren, whose mother died of breast cancer 13 months ago.

``The class helped me to understand what a child goes through,'' Fox said. ``Children tend to keep it to themselves, cry in their room and never let anyone know.''

During the sessions, the children may express themselves by drawing pictures, writing in a journal or role-playing in their own dramas. Sometimes the group simply goes on a hike.

The children also make a special piece of art that goes into a remembrance quilt. Each square tells a story about loss. For example, a 4-year-old who drew stick figures of herself on a bike and of her father who would never see her ride it.

While activities are helpful, Fleury said, the biggest benefit seems to be the presence of other children in the group.

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Photo

PHOTO (Color) Children make a quilt of messages for parents who died. From left are Jessie Chaidez, Stefeni Navarro, Jordan Hedgepeth, Alex Chaidez, Serena Hedgepeth and Chaz Navarro.

Tom Mendoza/Daily News