KIDDIE BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE OUT OF BOUNDS WHEN SKY'S THE LIMIT, CHILDREN'S CHARACTER CAN SUFFER ... NOT TO MENTION THE PARENTS' POCKETBOOKS.

Byline: Chris J. Parker Correspondent

Jessica Grajeda knows kids' birthday parties.

Besides being a mother of two children, ages 11 and 14, Grajeda is co-owner of a Gymboree play center in Valencia where birthday parties fill her calendar every week.

But even Grajeda was taken aback by the grandeur of one recent birthday party. She was hired to lead an hour's worth of Gymboree-like activities at the party, which was held in the clubhouse of a nearby planned community.

In addition to Grajeda, the birthday child's parents hired a clown to entertain the children. A balloon arch framed the party room's entryway. There were separate hot dog, popcorn and cotton candy machines to feed the guests. And another machine spewed a continuous stream of bubbles around the room.

Each table was lavishly decorated, and stuffed animals at each seat were party favors for the guests to take home.

``It looked like a wedding,'' Grajeda said.

But it wasn't. It was a birthday party for a 2-year-old child.

There was a time when ``kid's birthday party'' meant a cake, some balloons and maybe pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Not anymore. In even the most modest neighborhoods around Los Angeles, children's birthday parties have become the social event of the year, and parents spend months planning the day, not to mention hundreds or thousands of dollars once that day arrives.

Parents say they're just trying to make happy memories for their children, especially during a time of terrorist alerts and multibillion-dollar state budget deficits. Fantasy birthday parties are an oasis from today's reality.

``They're becoming like the Academy Awards show. They're becoming a production,'' said Dr. Karen L. Kenney, a clinical psychologist and director of Personal Development Center Associates in Encino.

Experts cite a handful of reasons for the sudden rise in ``event birthdays'' for the Nickelodeon set. For example, some parents see birthday parties as a competition in which the best kid must be the one with the best birthday party.

In addition, the dot-com bubble of the late '90s has created a whole generation of consumers with a taste for personalized experiences. Why buy coffee when you can get a tall nonfat decaf latte with a twist? Why have a pool party in the back yard when you can take your daughter's birthday party to a store where the guests can make their own personalized teddy bears?

And some parents also may be trying to compensate for diminished vacations. Whether it's because vacation budgets are reduced by a weak economy or trips are being shortened by terrorist-related fears, some parents throw a bash for their kid's birthday to make up for the missed trip. After all, if the family can't go to Disney World this year, Disney can come to them.

``In a lot of ways, the party is a way to make the parents feel better about themselves,'' says Karen Shurtz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Thousand Oaks. ``It's probably more for them.''

Many experts in children's welfare wonder if society is creating a generation of kids who believe it is their right to have whatever they want. The parties may not be creating these Little Emperors, but they may be a symptom of the year-round problem.

``It's a culture of entitlement,'' Shurtz said. ``So many of these kids feel they deserve that and they should have it, they feel they rule the roost. Kids are saying, 'I need, I want.' We need to say, 'Wow! What am I teaching them?' ''

Extravagant birthday parties are old news in some Los Angeles neighborhoods, especially those where Hollywood and Kindercare intersect. Studio mogul Peter Guber reportedly hired elephants for rides at his kid's birthday in 1996. The ex-wife of billionaire Kirk Kerkorian spent $70,000 on their 2-year-old daughter's birthday party at the Hotel Bel-Air in 1999, according to documents filed in their divorce proceedings.

What is new is the rapid growth of these ``event'' birthday parties in more middle-class neighborhoods. The price tag is rarely the same on the Valley floor as it is in the tony canyon neighborhoods, but that doesn't mean the events are any less extravagant.

``They're not about the birthday person we're celebrating,'' Kenney said. ``They're about producing a mini-Disneyland.''

Have a birthday child who loves animals? Then book a ``Royal Lions Birthday Party'' at the Los Angeles Zoo. For $425, the birthday boy or girl can invite up to 12 friends for a day at the zoo, which includes a reserved party site, a birthday meal of pizza, salad and cake, and VIP passes for an animal show. By the way, that works out to just under $33 per child (the party is only $400 if mom or dad is a zoo member).

Don't want to go to the zoo? There are plenty of organizations that will bring the animals to the birthday child. Sunland-based Wildlife on Wheels, for example, will bring six animals to birthday parties for a one-hour presentation. The cost starts at $225. And there are numerous companies that will bring everything from puppies to snakes for the right price.

There are also tea rooms, ice-skating rinks, hotels, corrals and dozens of other locations that will host a kid's birthday party. The most unusual? No doubt it's the Sunshine Canyon Landfill in Granada Hills, where a dump truck-loving Michael Wong-Sasso recently celebrated his seventh birthday with about 40 friends and their parents. In a clean space at the landfill, a mound of ``clean'' dirt (the kind you can buy at a garden shop) was put down and the youngsters pushed their toy dump trucks up and down the dirt hill. And the after-party cleanup was a snap.

The sharp increase in the number of birthday party sites is a reflection of the amount of money and effort that parents are now putting into their kids' birthday parties. It also represents a considerable increase in competition for longtime party sites such as Chuck E. Cheese and Gymboree.

Grajeda regularly hosts birthday parties at her Gymboree in Santa Clarita, even though the guests of honor are often too young to walk or talk. Gymboree play centers focus on physical activities for the under-kindergarten set, especially between the ages of 1 and 4 years old.

Birthday parties at Gymboree usually last two hours and include games, food, face painting and a parade. Grajeda and her staff do all the setup and cleanup so the birthday child's parents ``can just enjoy the birthday party. We even write a list of the gifts received and can load up the car for them.''

Grajeda has experience with birthday parties outside Gymboree as well - with her two daughters. For one birthday, she hosted a puppy party that included party favors in sterilized dog-food cans and cake served in dog bowls (``Brand new and clean,'' she pointed out emphatically). The topper was the entertainment: 15 puppies for her daughter and the partygoers to play with.

Grajeda said she can remember when one inflatable jumper was enough to make a party special. Now, ``I feel like everybody has one,'' she said.

But at one recent party she attended, she saw ``the mother of all Jolly Jumps.'' It had a rock climb, a slide, and a Velcro wall that kids could jump on and stick to. ``Now, parents have to come up with bigger and better,'' she said.

Ted Schwochow has been renting and making inflatable jumpers since 1988, when he opened Camarillo-based Jolly Jump. ``When we started, we had to explain to people what Jolly Jumps are,'' Schwochow said. ``Now they know.''

Schwochow agreed with Grajeda that parents now want inflatable attractions that are ``more than just jumps.'' He said rentals of obstacle courses and slides have grown more quickly than for the ``typical'' Jolly Jump, though inflatable bouncers remain his top rentals.

Shurtz said parents shouldn't get the next big thing for their child's birthday party, especially if it's because they want their child's birthday to stand out from their peers' parties.

``So many parents feel they have to keep up with other parents - they're being competitive,'' Shurtz said. ``They really have to resist the temptation to have to make this party bigger and better than everyone else's.''

Experts such as Shurtz and Kenney said parents need to work on their attitude - and their child's - year-round, not just as the child's birthday approaches. Shurtz said parents should take their children to volunteer at homeless shelters or other charitable centers so the kids can start to appreciate what they have rather than whine for more.

And once the birthday rolls around, try to keep the party in perspective.

``Celebrate the child,'' Shurtz recommended. ``You don't need to make him the king of the universe.''

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4 photos

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) IT'S MY PARTY

Parents are making kids' birthday celebrations extravagant affairs

(2 -- color) Children play on a parachute being shaken by their parents at the Valencia location of Gymboree, a popular spot for toddler birthday parties.

(3 -- color) Lisa Sindermann blows bubbles at a Gymboree party. Some say that fewer family vacations since 9-11 have caused parents to compensate by planning more elaborate children's parties.

(4 -- color) Sindermann paints the face of Tyler Kingery, 3, during a Gymboree party that usually lasts two hours and includes setup and cleanup.

Michael Owen Baker/Staff Photographer