Jon Allie.

THE DESK IN MY OFFICE IS QUITE A MESS. SWITCHBLADES, BLOW TORCHES, FIREWORKS--ALL SORTS OF JUNK. BUT IT'S HOME TO ME. ONCE IN A WHILE PEOPLE STOP BY AND WE SHOOT THE SHIT ABOUT LIFE, SKATING AND WHATNOT. NO, IT AIN'T LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS, BUT IT'S MINE. NOT LONG AGO, MIKE BURNETT CAME THROUGH TOWN WITH THE ZERO TEAM. THE USUAL THINGS WENT DOWN; JOKES, MAG TALK AND SPOTS. EVENTUALLY THEY LEFT TO GO KILL SOME SPOTS IN THE CITY. WHEN I RETURNED TO MY THRONE I NOTICED SOMEONE HAD CARVED THEIR NAME IN MY DESK. I WAS LIVID. UPON FURTHER INSPECTION I SAW IT WAS JON ALLIE. AT FIRST I WAS MAD. THEN I REALIZED HE'S JUST A SKATE RAT LIKE ME. I GOT HIS NUMBER FROM MIKE, CALLED HIM UP, AND TOLD HIM I WAS GONNA GET HIM BACK. "I SAW THE KNIFE AND SAID 'FUCK IT'," ALLIE QUOTED. WELL, REMEMBER ALLIE, PAY-BACKS ARE A BITCH. MAYBE NOT NOW, MAYBE NOT NEXT YEAR BUT BELIEVE ME--IT'S COMING, FUCKER.--JAKE PHELPS

What made you decide to carve your name in Jake's desk?

I have no idea. I just saw the knife and it looked like a good time.

You were sitting in his chair, too. Nobody sits in his chair!

How was I supposed to know? I don't know Phelps!

What happened when he found out?

Basically I got a random phone call from him. I had no idea who it was. It was a different area code from San Francisco so I was like, "Who's this?" I answer the phone, and he says, "What's up, fucker? Do you know who this is?"

I'm like, "I have no idea who this is!"

You called me up and said, "Dude, Phelps just called me! I carved my name in his desk!"

I was like. "What the fuck? How did Phelps get my number?" And you're all, "I gave it to him. I thought that might be a nice surprise."

Well, wasn't it?

It was a surprise. I don't know if it was a nice one. He called me up and was all, "You don't know who the fuck you're messing with! I'll get you back, fucker!"

Has he gotten you back?

Not much bad has happened, but he calls me every once in awhile now.

What does he want to talk about?

Random shit. Skating. He wants to see what's going on. "So, you droppin' hammers, fucker?"

Does any other magazine editor call you like that?

No, not that I can remember, He just calls me up and makes sure I'm skating "You shredding?" It's like he calls up to check up on me.

So how are things going for you?

Pretty good.

What are you, 20?

Twenty-two.

You've had a board out on the market for a year now, How's that shit movin'?

It's doing all right. I hope kids are snatching them up.

Do the kids know who you are at the demos yet?

Yeah. At least half of them. Half if I'm lucky.

Which dude do the kids never know who he is?

I don't know if it's never, but on the last tour James Brockman got mistaken for Tommy Sandoval a lot. They have similar hair. And Chris Cole gets mistaken for Jamie Thomas sometimes, I don't know how.

The kids aren't paying very close attention. The easiest way to tell the difference between Brockman and Tommy is that the one with a caterpillar on his lip is Tommy.

Yeah. Either that or he's the one with the tattoo on his chest that says "Die Trying."

If you were to get a tattoo on your chest, what would it say?

I wouldn't get one.

C'mon! "Die Trying?" "Life's Too short to Wuss Out?"

Maybe "Born to Lose."

You don't really believe that, do you? It seems like it's been a pretty easy go for you so far.

Easy?

Yeah. You moved out from Wisconsin and were pro in like two years! How long has it been?

Since I moved out? Three years.

What was the first skate spot you skated in California?

It was Brooklyn school in San Diego.

What'd you do on it?

Kickflip front board, tailslide, crooked grind, nosegrind--I don't know. The basics. Some bullshit.

Did you move out by yourself?

Yeah. I went out with my friend but he had to go back to school. I moved in with the only person I knew--this guy Joe. We lived in Point Loma and he happened to be roommates with Aaron Snyder.

So the first famous skater you saw was Snyderman?

Yeah.

What were those days like?

I was excited. It was sunny out!

Were you so excited that you went berzerker and killed yourself every time you got to a spot?

Kill myself? I didn't get hurt at all. I just skated. It was fun to skate 'cause all the rails were good.

Did you look to the Snyderman as a role model on how to get into the sponsored scene?

Not really. I just made a tape on my own and gave it to Jamie Thomas,

It's just that easy.

I guess.

I heard when you first moved out here that you were kind of a weirdo. Are you still a weirdo?

Fuck yeah.

Is this something new?

No. It's always been there, Everyone's a little bit crazy.

What's the weirdest thing about you?

What? I'm normal! Everyone else is crazy.

Are you still eating nothing but yogurt?

I'm allergic to dairy. I swear man: I get fucked up every time I eat it.

Some people think you're a little socially awkward. Is that true?

Totally.

How did that affect you in high school?

Fuck high school! Such a waste of time.

I take it you didn't get along well with them other kids.

No. I was fine. I got along fine. I knew all those kids my whole life. My problem is that usually when I meet someone for the first time it's all awkward, and I think, "Fuck this, I don't even want to talk to 'em." But then after you're forced to talk to them everything's fine. Before that it's like, "Hey, man. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even know you! I already got friends. I don't need anymore!"

So you're not the easiest guy to get to know?

Nah, man. I've got social anxiety.

How does this affect you with the ladies?

I don't think it does. With the ladies it's always random shit that happens. That's how I meet the ladies. It's not like I'm out there, "Hey, what's up?"--trying to spit some stupid game at them

What was it like to meet your first girlfriend at a demo?

I didn't know she was going to be my girlfriend.

Well, she was friendly.

Yeah she was.

What about other girls?

At demos? It's easy You know why they're there.

When did you feel like you were really on the Zero team?

I don't know, I still walk around with a smile on my face. It's rad. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Who's your best friend on the team?

Pretty much everyone on the team is my friend.

Who do you share a room with on tour?

Brockman. I'm also good friends with Matt, the Zero filmer. He was one of the first people I met when I came out here. My friend Sumio, Jon Goemann--I like to hang out with them a lot.

Is there anything you like almost as much as skating?

Yeah, man. I like girls, old cars.

Yeah, tell me about your ears. How many cars have you had at one time?

I don't want to talk about this. I like cars. It just happens.

It's not like you've got three Escalades. You've got a bunch of beaters.

Okay. Four; I've got four cars.

What do you have?

I had a Mazda Protege. That was the first car I ever owned. That thing always broke down, I couldn't even get it smogged. I donated it because I couldn't even sell it. So after that I decided I wanted a newer. more reliable car, so I got an Audi A4.

Do you still have that?

Yeah. I still have it. It no longer runs though.

So much for reliable.

No. It ran great, but then it got in an accident.

Was it your fault?

I don't really want to say. Okay, yes. It was my fault. I was driving so it was my fault.

Then what did you get?

Then I had an '84 Mercedes 300D, one of those turbo-diesel things. Sold that one. I got a '86 325ES BMW, then I somehow acquired a '91 535I BMW. Oh, I forgot. I had a '69 Chevy Nova Super Sport in between there. That was a good car, I wish I'd never sold that one. Now I have a '72 Chevy Nova, once again,

What's your favorite one?

The Nova Super Sport.

Where do you park all of these cars?

Black Box. It's okay. I don't even want them all. I just want the Nova.

Now that you've been on the team for awhile, what would be a sure-fire way to get kicked off?

What would be a sure-fire way? I've never thought about getting kicked off. I don't know. Kick the owner in the balls? Tell him Zero sucks? Why would you want to do that?

This is only hypothetical.

Hypothetically, if you're on Zero, why would you want to get kicked off?

I don't know. If you could have one ex-Zero pro back on the team, who would it be?

Greco! That guy fuckin' rips.

Have you put anyone on the team but yourself?

No. I think the closest situation was seeing Brockman's sponsor-me video and being, "Yeah, put him on!"

What other new skaters do you like--now that you're a pro and can look down over all the ams?

The ams are better than me! What are you talking about? My favorites right now are Bryan Herman, I've always liked him. And Jon Goemann. Not many people know about him, but he's got great style. We've got some kids on flow that are sick. This kid Pat Burk and Tony Cervantes. They're rad.

What's your favorite team besides Zero and Mystery?

Anti-Hero,

You lose a couple more teeth and you can get on Anti-Hero.

Damn. I'm coming up! Anti-Hero's skaters are raw and their videos are fun to watch. They're just sketchy!

How'd you bust out your teeth?

First of all it was a hubba ledge in Compton. Yeah, I knocked my teeth out in Compton--what? Me and Brockman tried to skate this hubba. I don't know what was up I tried to lipslide it once, got in fine, jumped off. The second time I messed up on the ollie 'cause there's only one push and I almost sacked. I would have sacked but it was so steep that I kind of missed it--and it was dark out, so I just slid on my face. There were no hands. I almost broke my wrist. As soon as I hit, my hands just went to my face and I could feel bits of teeth in my mouth. I thought I had ripped out all my teeth, but they were still good.

Are you going to get them fixed?

People keep bugging me. I have dental insurance now, so I'll get them fixed some day. I need to get a dentist 'cause I probably have some cavities too.

Has it hindered your corn-on-the-cob eating?

Nah. I've eaten corn-on-the-cob. It works good.

What was the scariest trick you did for the last video?

Probably the Hollywood High thing, the noseblunt.

How many times did you go there?

Three times. I went there once and I'd never skated a rail that big ever. I wanted to do it so I slid it a few times and I didn't fall off or anything, so I was like. "Fuck this man! This is not fun. This is scary!" Then the next time I went, I bruised my heel just jumping out of a lipslide or something. Then the third time, we only had two weeks left for the video and I wanted to get it for my last trick. So I'm warming up, everything's good. I'm lipsliding and front boarding it. It feels good and then my board soaps. I had an extra board in the car so we set it up in like five minutes. We set it up so fast. That was bad, because new boards suck. I like a board that's more broken-in. I lipslide it a few more times. feeling nice and sketchy and then I think, "Yeah, I'll just go for it right here." I go for it and end up straight sacking it and falling to my shoulder. I think everyone thought I was done fight there, but I don't really remember what happened. I just got up and tried it again and made it in two goes or whatever. About two hours after that I couldn't even walk. My whole body froze up and the next three weeks I was doing nothing. I couldn't skate ... It was worth it, though. I still have the shirt. It's got a hole in the shoulder. It's a lucky shirt.

Is the Zero team ever competitive with each other?

Fuck yeah! We have all regular-footers! There's nothing goofy about it! It's all serious!

Do you have to call your tricks?

Fuck yeah. And then you have to charge and throw yourself at it. That's why I don't do that. I have to go on my own.

Who's the roughest to have on the mission?

Tommy Sandoval. He'll just get there and go, "Okay, what's been done? I'm gonna do this and this and this." Then he'll rifle them off one after another.

What's that guy all about?

He's ghetto, dude. He's from Chula. He's real fuckin' cool.

What's some crazy shit that Tommy does?

How about on the last trip, we're at the demo and there's a pretty good-looking red head Tommy spits some game and gets her number. We're at the hotel later and Tommy calls her up. She comes up and we're hanging out and she says, "Yeah, my girlfriend's in the car." And Tommy's like, "What's she in the car for? Go get her!" So she keeps talking about her "girlfriend" and Tommy's like, "She's just your friend, right?" and she's all, "No, my girlfriend." So I say, "So you're a lesbian?" And she's all, "Yes!" 'Cause Tommy wasn't quite getting it. So she gets her girlfriend and she's like 32 and has a couple of kids and is kind of big. Tommy's making out with the red head but it's kind of awkward 'cause the girlfriend is just watching. So I guess they all decided to go back to his room and handle it. Die trying? Yeah. He went for it.

Did you invent the kickflip frontside tailslide on a handrail?

No.

Had you seen anyone do it?

No.

Well, there you go. Can we call it the Allie slide?

Fuck that. I did that trick 'cause of Mike Carroll. I saw him do it on the ledge at LA High. Serious, when I think of doing kickflip tailslides I'm thinking of Mike Carroll.

So we should call it the Carroll slide?

Yeah, if you want to.

Who's your Skater of the Year pick for 2004?

Danny Way's good. He could have gotten it every year, I guess. I don't know. I just like Rowley, man. Geoff Rowley.

If you could have another skater's trick, what would you take?

I can steal their shit? I want to take someone's switch flip.

What's the matter with your own switch flip?

Have you seen it? It's mob! I can do it off a curb. No, maybe I want a backside 360. If I could take anything, I'd probably take Rowley's backside 360 and PJ Ladd's switch flip--the one he did down the Lincoln stairs in SF. I want some switch going on.

Having two cute 19-year-old twin sisters, do you ever have to get mean with any potential suitors?

They're too smart to get mixed up with any bad dudes. However, if it came up, I'd handle it.

If either of your sisters was to date a member of the Zero team, who would you allow them to date?

C'mon man! Don't even talk about that!

What about Bobier? He's a nice guy, right?

Yeah. If it had to happen, the only one would be Bobier. But Bobier's on Mystery anyway.

What are your sister's names?

Ashley and Danielle. Yep, they're 19.

Your whole family's pretty behind your skating, right?

Yeah, they're down.

Did your morn ever make you a Toy Machine birthday cake when you were younger?

No, but my mom's probably more behind me than I've been behind myself.

Has she ever helped saw the kink off a rail or anything?

Nah. She bought me a video camera for graduation. That was nice. I used it to make my sponsor-me video. That's what got me where I am today. It was a great gift.

Is your beef with The Lutzka squashed?

Did we have one? No, me and the Lutzka are homies.

What's your schedule like?

It's completely random. It depends if I'm on a trip or not. Lately I've been waking up at five in the morning and going over to the Oceanside skatepark or just driving around. I got a little dirtbike and there are all these trails over there: I'll just cruise around. I take it into the Oceanside park and do little airs on the quarterpipes. It's fun,

Is there a downside to your job?

Nothing besides getting hurt. That sucks But even that's not so bad 'cause it gives me time to mess around or do other things--ride dirtbikes and buy Chevy Novas. When I'm hurt is the only time I have spare time

So getting hurt is like a vacation?

Yeah. You get to goof around and be a kid.

What's your favorite skate spot?

As far as rails, my favorite spot in Brooklyn school. There's this street gap near Pacific Drive

The Smolik one?

Yeah. There's this old guy from the military that lives right in front of it and he'll come out and spray water on you. So it's good 'cause you may not get to skate it very long, blot at least you get some entertainment to go along with it. I've liked that a lot lately. I always like a good wallride, too.

Are you down with Sk8 Mafia?

Can I be?

Talk to Smolik. What's a trick you can never miss?

I can miss any trick. I can miss an ollie! The way I skate, one day I can ollie just fine: the next day, nothin'.