JUST SAY `NO' TO LURE OF NFL'S SIREN SONG.

Byline: BILLY BAUMAN Local View

IS it just me, or is the idea of an NFL team in Los Angeles so 20th century?

Our illustrious leader, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, claims we're the ``cultural center of the world.'' If this is true, then why do we need a pro football team?

While football may pass for ``culture'' in Arlen, Texas, it certainly has no bearing on it here. And there's plenty of quality football in the city already. A couple of lucky breaks and it could have been USC versus UCLA for the national championship. How does it get any better than that?

Our college teams offer something the NFL never can -- loyalty. As we know from experience, NFL teams come and go, but the Bruins and Trojans will always be here. So why would any rational person want to bring pro football back to L.A.?

Like Deep Throat said, ``Follow the money.'' That is, from the vultures looking to pick L.A.'s carcass clean yet again. And at the end of the trail, who do you think is going to pick up the tab for this folly? (Hint: Run to the bathroom and look in the mirror.)

By the way, what are the odds that you'll ever see the inside of a luxury box, except on ``Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous''?

The economics of pro football don't add up. There are eight (count 'em) home games per NFL team per season. How do eight days out of 365 reinvigorate a community? Similarly, the near-billion-dollar price tag to rebuild the ``stately'' Coliseum is going to come from somewhere, directly or indirectly. Have you checked your wallet lately?

Besides, renovating the Coliseum to NFL ``standards'' is like polishing a dirt ball, to put it politely. The Coliseum wasn't designed for football, and the idea of building a ``stadium within a stadium'' is madness. If an architect told you he was going to ``renovate'' your house by building a new house inside the old one, would you hire him?

Interestingly, the San Fernando Valley, which has plenty of open space and freeway access, has been left out of this discussion. While everyone else gets light rail, we get buses. And while downtown gets pro football, we get to pay for it. It's like deja vu all over again.

Our city, nevertheless, stands poised on the brink of greatness. And not just for turning Paris Hilton into an international celebrity who's famous for being famous. No, we can distinguish our city by ``just saying no'' to the NFL. Such ``pantalones'' would show the world that a city can be ``with it'' without it -- the NFL, that is.

L.A. is a city famous for originating trends. Can you imagine the ripple effect once other cities see that the second-largest burg in the U.S. can, like brave Ulysses, withstand the suicidal lure of the NFL's siren song?

Now wouldn't that be a trend?

While the politicians line up for free tickets and campaign contributions, what are the chances that you'll ever have the 400 bucks to take your family to see the ``L.A. Expansions?''

Besides, would you even want to take your family there in the first place?