JET LI IS JUST 'DRAGON' THIS FILM AROUND.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

It's a beautiful serendipity that actor Burk Kwouk, the guy who played Cato, Inspector Clouseau's houseboy nemesis in all those ``Pink Panther'' movies, finds his way into ``Kiss of the Dragon,'' a film that features another hilariously bumbling French detective.

Of course, this being an ultra-violent Jet Li martial arts movie, the blundering investigator here is a sadist and ends up killing more innocent French people than the Germans did in both world wars. And the humor he generates comes purely from overacting. The only people who will find ``Kiss of the Dragon'' fun are action junkies hoping to see a spate of beatings, immolations and explosions carried out in the most savagely obvious ways possible.

Hong Kong action star Li made a promising debut as the villain in ``Lethal Weapon IV,'' but subsequent star vehicles (``Romeo Must Die'' and now this) haven't been able to tap into his charisma. In ``Dragon,'' he finds himself in a slight, bare-bones story designed to take you from one fight sequence to the next with a minimum of mental effort. Even with such modest goals, the movie fails to deliver.

Li plays Liu Jiuan, a Chinese agent sent to Paris to help local police catch a drug trafficker. Liu's first contact with local authorities comes in the kitchen of a swanky French restaurant where he finds the Paris investigator, Richard (Tcheky Karyo), senselessly beating a suspect's head to a pulp. He leaves an underling to snap another man's neck in two.

Liu, supposedly China's best and brightest, for some reason, doesn't blink an eye at Richard's atrocities - a mistake, as he soon finds himself the target of his French connection's wrath. The majority of the film has Richard and his army of Parisian goons chasing Liu through the city's various arrondissements (with an eye always on the Eiffel Tower), firing their guns indiscriminately, killing plenty of bystanders and some of Liu's Chinese pals along the way.

Says Richard on murdering Liu's comrades: ``There's a billion of them. Do you think they'll miss one or two?''

Naturally Liu makes them pay, brandishing flagpoles, irons (giving new meaning to ``fluff and fold'') and an arsenal of deadly hairpins that he carries in a wristband. He seems to have a pin for every occasion, whether he needs to make someone sleep, fall down or bleed profusely from eyes, ears and nose. It's Ebola distilled.

Bridget Fonda shows up as the veritable hooker with a heart of gold, her child in the clutches of the evil Richard. Wearing thigh-high skirts, fishnets and garters, her hair artfully greased, Fonda looks the part, but her acting is too stiff to make the character believable or sympathetic.

Without generating any compassion for its characters, ``Dragon'' plays like one long martial arts movie with a bunch of bad acting and dialogue between the fight scenes. Li may be a lethal weapon, but, thus far, his movies have been more toxic than any of his on-screen exploits.

``KISS OF THE DRAGON''

(Rated R: strong violence, language, some sexuality and drug content)

The stars: Jet Li, Bridget Fonda, Tcheky Karyo.

Behind the scenes: Directed by Chris Nahon. Screenplay by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, based on a story by Li. Released by 20th Century Fox.

Running time: One hour, 38 minutes.

Playing: Citywide.

Our rating: Two stars

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Photo:

Liu Jiuan, played by Jet Li, center, mixes it up with two young toughs under the Eiffel Tower in ``Kiss of the Dragon.''