It's Doubtful Dot-Coms Can Jazz Up Convention Doings.

NBC's hit drama "The West Wing" has convinced millions of people that watching politics can be fun.

But the crush of dot-com coverage planned for the upcoming Democratic and Republican conventions, in L.A. and Philadelphia, respectively, should clear up that misconception before long.

As television networks abandon full-time convention coverage in favor of soap operas and sitcoms, dozens-of Web sites are rushing to fill the void. Established sites like Slate and Salon and upstarts like Pseudopolitics.com and Voter.com hope to build credibility and hit counts with comprehensive coverage from the convention floor.

They'll learn soon enough why the networks are running away. Web journalists talk bravely about bringing new perspective to these events, but they'd be better off bringing a pillow. Because the conventions, whether online or on the air, are a guaranteed snooze.

It's easy to understand the bravado online journalists are bringing to what, for them, is a new assignment. They've seen the Web breathe new life into the news business with fresh, personal perspectives and a renewed zeal for comprehensive real-time coverage.

The conventions, though, will require more than mere mouth-to-mouth to maintain the public's interest. Indeed, they're in dire need of a news transplant.

Empty back rooms

It's been decades since political conventions have been relevant to anyone outside the convention halls. Participants like to imagine themselves torch bearers for a tradition that once brought the nation's most powerful people together to set a course for history.

But that flame burned out years ago, snuffed by the move from closed caucuses to open primaries and the emergence of the modern, media-centric political process. The back rooms where leaders of the free world were once chosen have been emptied out to make space for television equipment and make-up tables.

The events these online news crews are rushing to cover are nothing more than award ceremonies. Picture the Oscars with civil servants instead of actors. And even though everyone knows who's going to win before the thing begins, it still takes them four days to hand out the prize.

Imagine trying to sell this to an online audience with limitless alternatives just a click away. No, you won't get to see Ashley Judd in a skin-tight gown or Ben Affleck in Armani.

But hey -- is that Dick Gephardt in an off-the-rack pinstripe? And boy howdy, isn't that Trent Lott a babe magnet?

When I covered the conventions four years ago, I spent most of my time trying to scrape up anything that sounded like news. Most days, I came up empty.

Where's the news?

Reporters interviewed each other about the lack of news and wrote it up for the next day's paper. Press row was reduced to a gaggle of theater critics, evaluating the show each party put on and scoring the rhetorical dances of their leading players.

So why is Salon, after laying off staffers in a budget squeeze, tying up a half dozen editors and reporters with the conventions? Couldn't the 24 people covering the events for America Online be better used handling customer complaints?

And why would some site named Pseudopolitics.com spend God knows how much money to reserve a skybox next to the ones used by the television networks?

"We're going to have a party, almost like a cocktail party," Pseudopolitics executive producer Sam Hollander told the Philadelphia Inquirer. The sad truth, though, is that it will be more like a political party -- self-involved and out of touch.

"We want to provide an experience for people at home," he continued, "that makes them feel as if they're at the convention themselves."

In that case, don't expect people to stick around too long. Conventions are no place for anyone whose life isn't devoted to the smallest machinations of party politics.

And they're certainly no place for Web sites hoping to win an audience larger than the one squinting at C-SPAN II.