Is baptism a God-given rite? Or is it appropriate for parishes to require some level of commitment on the part of parents? Baptism is serious business, argues Michael J. Daley, so the church has a right--perhaps even a duty--to find out if parents are serious about their Catholic faith. (sounding board).

I ALWAYS GET THE CALL. IT'S BOTH THE BLESSING AND curse of having a theology degree. When my mom was considering an annulment, I got the call. Later, when she was contemplating whether or not to have her new marriage blessed, I got the call. When she was worrying over my brother's decision to marry a non-Catholic, I got the call. Depending on my mom's mood, her questions range from "Why does the church tell us to do this or that?" to "What was the church thinking when it said so and so?"

It was only a matter of time, then, that a neighborhood Baptism dispute would reach me. This time, given the technological age, I got an e-mail.

As the story goes, a longtime friend recently had a child. Shortly after the child's birth, the parents called the parish office to make arrangements for their son's Baptism. After congratulating them, the priest asked as to their parish standing: Had they regularly attended Mass and contributed to the financial support of the parish? The parents were taken aback.

When they inquired what they should do to get their son baptized, the priest asked them to come to church on a regular basis for six months, use the envelope system, and demonstrate to him that they wished to have their child raised in the Catholic faith. It goes without saying that the parents were none too pleased with this answer.

Thus began a process of "he said, she said" with the parents telling everyone how awful they felt they had been treated. They remarked, "It is a shame that an innocent baby is discriminated against in church (of all places) because his parents do not seem committed to their faith and giving in the eyes of the Catholic Church." They felt they were left with no other choice but to "leave" the parish they desired to have their son baptized at, and were even considering leaving the Catholic Church altogether. They ended by saying, "We are good, faithful Christians.... God knows!"

The question that I raised, though, was: Did anybody else besides God know that they are good Christians?

I RESPONDED TO THE PARENTS WITH A HEAVY HEART. IF SERIOUS in their intentions, it saddened me greatly to think that someone would leave a community that has shaped and formed them. I didn't dispute the initial lack of hospitality at the parish level. Catholics still have much room for growth in how they welcome people. My wife and I still shake our heads remembering how after registering in our neighborhood parish the first thing the welcome wagon sent was envelopes. Like any family, though, some are better at extending hospitality than others.

I have a strong suspicion, however, that their feeling of unwelcomeness and strong reaction to the pastor's suggestions were because, even though officially registered, they never really had been a part of the parish community. Admittedly, the pastor could have voiced it differently, but what I think he was trying to communicate through his desire for them to attend church, contribute to the financial stability of the parish, volunteer for programs, and the like, was that having one's child baptized is a serious commitment for parents.

When one chooses to have a child baptized as an infant, as much as the focus is on the child, it is also on the parents, godparents, and faith community. In the Rite of Baptism for Children, after the child's name is given and the parents are asked what they want from God's church, the parents are asked directly: "Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?"

Questions implicitly asked of the parents that need to be examined both prior to the sacrament and throughout the life of the child include, "Where are we on our faith journey?" "Are we giving evidence in concrete and observable ways that we are a part of this faith community and wish to have our child brought up in it and nourished by it as well?"

For many people, even those who are committed, church-going Catholics, these are hard questions to answer for they bring up issues of value and priority. "Why do we do what we do?" "Is faith, a religious tradition, important in our lives?" A lot of us don't like our answers.

Though they didn't say it in so many words, the parents who wished to have their son baptized appeared to have found other things of value. I invited them to offer what it was that had taken the place of a faith community and relationship with God lately. I asked them why they had not been able to participate as much as they would have liked. Were their reasons--new baby, new home, job pressures--substantial or superficial? As all of us know so well, it is one thing to have been born and raised Catholic, it's another to be a practicing one.

I did tell them that whatever route they took, the hand of providence seemed to be at work through all this for the very reason they were being forced to state what was important in their lives. The death-to-life symbolism and invitation of Baptism was very striking and apparent throughout this process.

During our conversation, they fell back on the phrase, "We are only accountable to God." The nature and sacrament of Baptism, however, tells us that our relationship is never just vertical--me and God. There is likewise a horizontal relationship, me and neighbor. This is a necessary part of the Baptism dynamic; it's also part of life's. No longer do we rush to baptize out of fear of limbo. We do it because we recognize the need for foundation, for roots, in our children's lives. This is why whenever possible, Baptisms are celebrated with the eucharistic community.

ULTIMATELY, INFANT BAPTISM IS ABOUT ENTERING NEW life in Christ through the faith commitments of the parents, in the context of community. The parents were experiencing the messiness of all this. The easy answers and trouble-free liturgy they wanted were not forthcoming.

As we ended our conversation, I emphasized that this could be a very significant moment in their lives or a self-fulfilling prophecy where they convince themselves to continue to follow the direction they were already headed. They thanked me for my words and agreed that this experience was happening to encourage them to look inside themselves.

The mother wished, however, that my thinking had been more "simple." She said, "I still don't like to complicate things. Our relationship with God and church doesn't have to be so involved." I couldn't help but think she was confusing "simple" with "serious."

The question remains, though, as to when and under what conditions to baptize. Is it enough that the parents come requesting Baptism and that we do all we can as a parish to continue to support them and their child on their faith pilgrimage? Or is it better, chancing possible resistance and refusal, to challenge them to give evidence before Baptism of their faith commitment so their child gets a fighting chance?

Rather than go the route of either/or, though, the best response is probably one of both/and. The church needs to hold both of these sentiments in tension with one another. It must trust the desire and wishes of the parents but also ask for accountability. Knowing that parents are all over the place with institutional and parish affiliations, the church can be demanding, but it must not be alienating. This is no easy task. It will require that both church and parents work together. That both have something to learn from the other.

Far from being a potential headache, this situation could be a spiritual goldmine.

MICHAEL J. DALEY, a writer and teacher at St. Xavier High School in Cincinnati.