Ignoring life's lessons: choice words for the un-diplomatic. (Commentary).LADIES, gentlemen, faculty, students -- thank you for inviting me to be your commencement speaker. Boooo! Wait. I haven't said anything yet. Boooo! Yes, I know I was a last-minute replacement. Your Republican governor couldn't come because he's afraid of getting booed. Your Democratic senator couldn't come because he's afraid of getting booed. Your rock star alumnus ALUMNUS, civil law. A child which one has nursed; a foster child. Dig. 40, 2, 14. couldn't come because he once wrote a song for the Dixie Chicks. So they asked me. Boooo! Now, I know bad things can happen when schools make a late substitution. Take Rockford College Rockford College is a private American liberal arts college in Rockford, Illinois. It was founded in 1847 as Rockford Female Seminary and changed its name in 1892. The college is known as the alma mater of Nobel Peace Prize winner Jane Addams, who was a member of the class of 1931. in Illinois. Its last-minute choice, a New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of Times war correspondent war correspondent n. A journalist, reporter, or commentator assigned to report directly from a war or combat zone. Noun 1. war correspondent , delivered a speech denouncing U.S. imperialism, Israeli occupation and, for all we know, the Easter Bunny. I say "for all we know" because they pulled the mike plug several times and blew air horns to drown him out. Boooo! Then again, as they say in the news business these days, who believes anything the New York Times says, huh? Huh? Heh-heh. Um, that was a joke. Boooo! I must admit, I was a bit nervous myself. After all, when Phil Donohue spoke at North Carolina North Carolina, state in the SE United States. It is bordered by the Atlantic Ocean (E), South Carolina and Georgia (S), Tennessee (W), and Virginia (N). Facts and Figures Area, 52,586 sq mi (136,198 sq km). Pop. State, a number of people walked out. And when Sen. Rick Santorum “Santorum” redirects here. For other uses, see Santorum (disambiguation). Richard John Santorum (born May 10, 1958) is a former United States Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. spoke at St. Joseph's, about 100 people walked out. Ben and Jerry, the ice cream guys? They spoke at Ithaca College The college offers a curriculum with over 100 degree programs in its five schools:
Maybe they should have handed out free cones. Boooo! Then again, these people spoke about war, politics, bombs, the economy. Not one of them even mentioned Ruben from "American Idol." YAYYY! So when your school called and begged me to fill in, I thought to myself, what can I say that is pertinent, inspiring and won't get me thrown off stage? So I chose this subject: "Why We Should Do Away With Commencement Speeches." YAYYY! See, I remember my graduation speaker. By that I mean I remember that we had one. No one actually remembers the speaker. Most of them are long-winded, self-indulgent and opine on an academic subject that few people care about -- especially on a hot, sticky, June afternoon. What I do remember thinking, as I sat in my wool suit, under my long blue cap and gown, is one ovewhelming thought: My underwear is soaked. YAYYY! So, to paraphrase Tina Turner, "What's Talk Got to Do With It?" YAYYY! You're here to pick up your diploma, right? You paid your money, you put in your time, you're sick of lectures and, let's face it, you haven't gone to class since you figured out everything is on the Internet. YAYYY! You have your parents here, maybe your grandparents grandparents npl → abuelos mpl grandparents grand npl → grands-parents mpl grandparents grand npl , they're broiling broiling: see cooking. in the sun, they're fanning themselves with their programs, all so they can hold up a camera from half a mile away. And when that picture is developed, if it comes out, you won't be able to tell if it's you or, or, or ... Ruben from "American Idol." YAYYY! So in closing, I would like to say that this should be the last commencement speech ever given, since nobody likes them and now the speakers need bodyguards. YAYYY! Go forth into the world, and maybe someday, many years from now Paul McCartney: Many Years from Now is a 1997 biography of Paul McCartney by Barry Miles. It is the "official" biography of McCartney and was written "based on hundreds of hours of exclusive interviews undertaken over a period of five years" according to the back cover of , you'll give thought to things like poverty, war and the environment. BOOOO! Did I say that? I meant, "Ruben! Ruben! Ruben!" YAYYY! Class dismissed. Mitch Albom is the author of the bestseller "Tuesdays With Morrie." |
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