Icarus line.

FROM THE ASHES OF '90s SKA, a virtual rock behemoth is born--five courageous warriors armed solely with black shirts and red neckties. "Fill thine challis with mead!," said the noble ones. "Our leather gloves are no match against the talons set forth!," said the hawk handlers from the hills. Elves and gnomes alike slip into the curled-toed dancing slippers with anticipation. Village idiots and court jesters set aside their bell-tipped hats. Even the wise men, they smile as one joyous tear falls from check to chest-cloak. The scantily-clad wenches bake rye until thine wizard cries out, "For it is the equinox and we shall rejoice!" --Alan Velasco

Aaron, I have it on good authority that Blag Dahlia was pleased with your actions in Austin, Texas. Tell us about what happened at the South By Southwest music fest.

Aaron: Well, we were playing the Hard Rock Cafe. You know how they have those little display cases of fake memorabilia?

Fake?

Aaron: It's always fake, dude. The Kurt Cobain guitar at the Vegas Hard Rock is right-handed. I just thought it would be fun to play the guitar that Stevie Ray Vaughn supposedly played. It was like a beautiful animal that's caged, you know. They don't want to be caged.

You're making it sound like you asked to play the guitar.

Aaron: It was in chains so I freed it with the base of a mic stand and tried to play it a little bit.

But didn't you try to run off with it?

Aaron: I just wanted to play it, dude.

To see what it sounded like outside?

Aaron: It's not like I fuckin' broke it or anything. Before anything really went down there was a bunch of steak-heads on stage freakin' out. Some girl was crying or something.

Did you guys not get paid?

Aaron: No, they paid us before we played. I was in the middle of plugging it in and we were just standing around. People say that we were pussies and tried to run, but I was trying to plug it in.

Didn't you get a fine or something?

Aaron: That's the funny part, there was not one repercussion from that so...

Blaze/Manager: I've got a $700 bill at my house right now from Vegas.

Aaron: But you don't need to pay it. At the same time ail this is going on there were dudes from Fred Durst, from Flawless or something, and they were throwing ice and spitting on us from the balcony.

What do you mean? He's got a bunch of mean children?

Aaron: Flawless Records, his label, There's some weird "beef" thing going on.

Joe: A friend of ours, Travis at Buddyhead.com, stole Fred Durst's hat and sold it on EBay and gave the money to some charity. Fred's upset about that.

Aaron: Guilt by association.

Speaking of people that hate you, I overheard Fletcher of Pennywise telling someone that he wants to beat you up. What did you do and are you frightened?

Aaron: I said that his band was a bunch of imbecile, steak-head jocks. I grew up in the South Bay and I went to all the high schools.

Why did you go to all the schools?

Aaron: I kept getting kicked out, but the point is when you're a punk kid and you grow up in that area you either listen to FYP or Pennywise. It was like the distinction, you were a Pennywise kid or an FYP kid, and I was an FYP kid. The Pennywise kids were the jock kids with bleach blond hair and they would kick your ass. You were a faggot if you went to go see FYP. So I kinda maybe had a little...But Pennywise sucks, dude! They're not a punk band. Fuck Pennywise!

Are you scared he's going to beat you up?

Aaron: I don't hang out in the same circles as all those fuckin' jocks.

But what if they come to get you?

Aaron: I don't go to the Warp tour--when's the next time you're going to see me in a Guttermouth mosh pit or some shit? I don't live in the South Bay so I don't think I'll run into Fletcher but I'm sure he would fuckin' manhandle me. I interviewed Fletcher once for Buddyhead. He was drunk and he grabbed Travis by the neck. It was scary because Fletcher's fuckin' huge.

Who spray painted The Strokes' tour bus?

Joe: I wrote "$uckin' Dick$" in black and red paint. It was a little postcard from us since they wouldn't let us play on the show with the band we were on tour with.

Alvin, I heard that you "got some" finally.

Alvin: Well, we were in Amsterdam... Oh, you got a hooker! If we're going to talk about hookers, let's talk about the time in Vegas when the boys walked in and you were sleeping on the hotel bed with a boner and you got a bunch of money stolen from you.

Alvin: Nah, that hooker story sucks. I'm picky when it comes to my hooker stories.

Tell me the Dave Grohl story.

Joe: He owns a club in DC. He came to see Cave In and he ended up drinking beers with us downstairs when they were playing. Then our drummer tried to kiss him and freaked him out so Dave ran away.

Courtney Love also likes you. Isn't she a piece of shit?

Joe: Yeah, she really sucks. We got a hold of her phone number and gave it to Buddyhead. She got all mad when people started calling her, then she turned around and wrote buddyhead a check for 1,000 bucks.

Troy, you were in Toys That Kill. What happened? Was Todd Congelliere hard on you?

Troy: He was a hard-on. We actually touched dicks.

Do you think Todd's gay? Did he ever get sweet on you?

Troy: He never got "sweet" on me but we got a little fresh once in a while, when the time was right.

Do you think he's a gay, for real?

Troy: Potentially sometimes; but no, not for real, just for fun.

Do you think you're going to get more gunch in this band?

Troy: I would hope so. I mean, I got my fair share with Toys, but...I had like seven girls under my belt but once I hit Toys That Kill instantly, in like two months, it doubled. It was weird, utter tramps...San Pedro.

Blaze: What magazine is this for? Real quality journalism.

Joe, what's it like living in a mansion since your dad used to be a famous child actor?

Joe: It's cool. We have a little lift to the top floor and that's good after practice when I'm all tired. He lets me drive the Rolls every once in a while. He was on Branded, It's About Time. He's working on a DVD right now; it's a tribute to the late, great William Castle.

We all loved him so.

Joe: He was in All's Quiet On the Western Front.

What was your dad's stage name?

Joe: Pat Cardi because "Cardimone" was too ethnic back then--we were just greasy WOPs.

But now it works. That's so rad for you.