IT'S MORNING RADIO MADNESS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH The Media

The question isn't so much who in their right mind seeks out sports-talk radio in Los Angeles at the crack of dawn. It's who volunteers to get up in the middle of the night to co-host one of these shows?

Here's your idiot.

Far less for ego gratification than for morbid curiosity, I decided to experience firsthand why anyone would willingly submit themselves these days, either in their car on the way to work or under the sheets within reach of the snooze button, to a sports-generated radio show during the fog-blanketed hours of an otherwise non-descript Wednesday in July when everyone seems to be on vacation.

The opportunity to co-host the 6-to-10 a.m. shift at The Ticket 1540-AM came innocent enough. Normally manned by Tony Bruno and Mark Willard, this week it's been taken over by the usual afternoon typhoon Petros Papadakis. The invite was to come by the Santa Monica studios for an hour and sit in for some idle banter.

Why stop there? I barged my way in for a full four-hour walking zombie shift, failing to initially realize my first commitment was to roll out of bed by 3:30 a.m. to find an office building in the crisp morning darkness so I could witness what goes into preparing for this daily ritual.

Papadakis, appropriately in a T-shirt and sweat pants, met me at the elevators. We trudged up to the otherwise vacated third-floor offices where producer Craig Larson was already stressing over the fact that engineer Bryan ``Big Country'' Shy hadn't arrived yet to help cut some audio for a review of the movie ``Rocky IV.'' Just-hired producer Brian Vieira, a former pitcher for USC's baseball team, sorted through the daily newspapers - how they're even available this early is remarkable enough - and scanned the sports Internet websites for tidbits. News update guy Steve DeSaegher was holed up in another room writing his script. and just as the show begins, intern Lincoln Boehm, a 17-year-old incoming senior at Santa Monica High, kept redialing Papadakis' cell phone while he's on the air in hopes someone would let him in from the lobby.

In order to sound awake - let alone upbeat, entertaining and conversational, which should be the criteria for a morning radio personality - it takes more than a cup of scalding coffee from the local McDonald's. I banked on a four-pack of Red Bull (sugar free) to provide the surge. Everyone else was on their own.

At about 6:25 a.m., Papadakis made it known this quasi-social experiment was on and asked listeners to call in and explain why they're actually interested in sports talk at this God-forsaken time. Within minutes, the computer screen in the studio surprisingly shows a half-dozen callers. This includes, to no surprise, Jeff from Tarzana. He somehow manages to get past the screener and on the air - again - but we'll spare the details.

``I need the updates to see how bad the Dodgers are doing,'' says Joe from Azusa, a devoted Angels fan, at 6:52 a.m.

``Howard Stern is a repeat,'' says Carlos from East L.A. a few minutes later.

Mike H. from L.A., who makes the drive to Chatsworth for work, admits his desire for the previous night's scores because ``I don't even have a TV.'' Thank goodness he has a cell phone.

Josh in Valencia and Hector in Burbank also chime in, enthusiastic about the opportunity to banter with Papadakis about the local sports landscape. John in Alhambra, Guillermo in Santa Monica, Chris in Thousand Oaks and Gilbert in Long Beach are left on hold and can't break through. From there, the show diverts to interviews with Tommy Lasorda, Bill Macdonald, Barry Tompkins and Spero Dedes mixed in with other hijinx.

So what did we learn? While callers are one way to gauge who's out there, caller-driven radio isn't the best format in these groggy early-morning hours. This remains a different animal, much more a listening experience and a time to ease into the workday - unless, again, you're Jeff from Tarzana - without the bombardment of stats or heated debates.

A strong morning show is supposed to be the foundation for the rest of the day. The recent addition of a high-profile host like Bruno is the latest grand attempt by KMPC-AM (1540) to attract Southern California listeners, although the station has yet to register in the mysterious local Arbitron ratings and prove to advertisers that anyone's actually dialed in. At the other all-sports stations in town, the alternative is the latest Stern knock-off ``Mancow in the Morning'' on KLAC-AM (570), a West Coast syndicated production of Colin Cowherd emanating from Portland on KSPN-AM (710), and, on KAVL-AM (610) in the Antelope Valley, it's the Fox syndicated ``Morning Extravaganza'' with Van Earl Wright and Andrew Siciliano - formerly hosted by Bruno.

While the new version of Bruno advertises itself as the only local sports talk in the mornings, the plan at The Ticket is to offer Bruno's show to the rest of the Sporting News Radio Network by the end of summer. So there goes that marketing strategy, to an extent.

``It's a matter of getting the right formula and understanding that sports is entertainment, because if you don't, there's probably less of a chance to succeed,'' said new KMPC general manager Roger Nadel, whose previous 30 years in L.A. radio is at all-news stations KNX-AM (1070) and KFWB-AM (980), explained how he thought an early morning sports-talk show works in this market.

``You have to treat listeners with respect and mix in the L.A. lifestyle. The quintessential L.A. person is all about celebrity, and we revere sports like show business stars on any given day. A straight sports show gets old fast. We'll leave the X's and O's to the pre- and post-game shows.''

Apparently they'll also leave the Z's to those who'd rather sleep in, if they're lucky enough.

SOUND BYTES

BY TOM HOFFARTH

WHAT SMOKES

--Considering all the media outlets Kevin Kennedy has spread himself over these days as a baseball analyst, it's astounding he's even had time to write a book. But the proof came out this week with the release of ``Twice Around The Bases: The Thinking Fan's Inside Look at Baseball'' ($23.95, Morrow Publishing, 262 pages, with Bill Gutman). The former Taft High of Woodland Hills catcher who played and managed for years in the Dodgers' organization and later skippered teams in Texas and Boston (and almost the Dodgers) goes more in-depth about where his opinions about the game have germinated, and he tries to explain how that even having managed someone like Jose Canseco with both the Rangers and Red Sox, someone in charge can't always know what's going on with steroid abuse. Kennedy, who'll do pre- and post-game duties for Fox on Tuesday's All-Star game, also moonlights as a baseball analyst on the FSN ``Southern California Sports Report'' and co-hosts ``The Show'' for three hours a day on XM satellite radio all year around.

--Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, who'll call Tuesday's Major League Baseball All-Star Game for Fox, say they're OK with Texas Rangers pitcher Kenny Rogers being included on the American League roster, but neither condones his actually making an appearance in the made-for-TV exhibition even if it might provide a spike in the ratings. ``I don't think anyone is losing sleep over it in the grand scheme of things,'' said Buck. ``But think about trying to find highlights (from his performance during the season) to run for him if/when he comes in. What highlight do you think is going to run? It would be a shame to put that up not only for Kenny Rogers but for baseball on a night like that. ... I can totally understand why he was selected, but it would seem to me for a guy who hasn't talked to the media all year to go there and be surrounded, it would just be a swarm of people following him around and God only knows what else could happen if someone says the wrong thing to him.'' Adds McCarver, who will be doing his 14th All-Star game, which passes Vin Scully and Joe Garagiola for the all-time record as a network TV broadcaster: ``It would embarrass Kenny and embarrass baseball (if he plays), and I don't think Kenny Rogers will make that decision to play Tuesday, or be there Monday for the press conference that he'll have to attend.''

--Josh Lewin and Steve Lyons will call the Dodgers-Astros regional telecast (to 12 percent of the country) for Fox Channel 11 on Saturday at 10 a.m., featuring Jeff Weaver pitching against Roy Oswalt. Most of the country (42 percent) will see Boston at Baltimore with Buck and McCarver, while another 30 percent see former Dodgers third baseman and Hart High standout Todd Zeile paired with Thom Brennaman for the St. Louis-San Francisco telecast.

--Card sharks who need to break down the game film to see just how someone like Greg ``Fossilman'' Raymer managed to outlast 2,575 competitors and win the 2004 World Series of Poker have their opportunity with a 3-DVD set released by ESPN. The final 10 programs from last year's telecast are included with more than three hours of bonus features for $34.95. The 2005 no-limit Texas Hold'em event, which started Thursday in Las Vegas, runs through July 15, but ESPN won't air anything from that until it breaks it down into 12 episodes starting Oct. 11. The 20 new poker episodes that ESPN begins airing on July 19 goes back to the smaller-circuit events from January to March.

WHAT CHOKES

--Trying to Oscar-ize an event that doesn't need additional window dressing, Fox Sports Net has squeezed out something called the ``MLB All-Star Game Red Carpet Special Presented by (a major car maker in Detroit),'' which starts at 4 p.m. and supposedly gets viewers feeling special as they await the 5 p.m. Fox pregame show Tuesday on Channel 11. Hosted by Chris Rose - although Pete Rose might have caused a bigger stir - and including Josh Lewin and Carolyn Hughes as ``reporters,'' the concept is to parade the participants around Comerica Park in Motown, then have everyone acting all excited as they arrive in the automobiles (made not coincidentally by the presenting sponsor) at the players' entrance for photo ops and memorable quips into the microphone. ``Just as the Home Run Derby has managed to be a big part of the All-Star Game, we feel the potential for fans to enjoy the whole atmosphere early just like the Oscars,'' said FSN executive George Greenberg. One small hitch: Since none of the players get to the park just an hour before the game, it'll be all on tape. Unfortunately, it'll also be without commentary from Joan and Melissa Rivers.

--Sure, it's all in the name of raising money for the V Foundation for cancer research, created to honor former North Carolina State basketball coach and ESPN commentator Jim Valvano. But among the 79 things auctioned off prior to Wednesday's ESPY Awards ceremony in Hollywood has to make you wonder just what people are willing to fork out a credit card for in the name of a charitable contribution. An online auction through ESPNRadio.com in association with eBay includes four tickets to the ESPN company picnic at the Lake Compounce amusement park in Bristol, Conn., in late August or early September. For some reason, no one has made the $500 first bid yet. But think of what the average fan of ESPN can see by winning this. Chris Berman rumblin' and stumblin' past John Clayton in the potato sack race. Trey Wingo trying to pass a raw egg from a spoon in his mouth to Linda Cohn without trying to make it look risque. And Stuart Scott trying to hit the target at the dunking booth to send John Kruk into the tank - and missing with each throw.

CAPTION(S):

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Photo:

no caption (book: ``Twice Around the Bases: The Thinking Fan's Inside Look at Baseball'')

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SOUND BYTES (see text)