IT'S WORSE THAN ANYONE ANTICIPATED.

Byline: David Kronke TV Critic

If tonight's debut episode of ``The Michael Richards Show'' has been deemed appropriate for public consumption, one shudders to imagine the version even the network considered lousy.

Still beloved by millions (for the moment) as the addled Kramer from the instant classic ``Seinfeld,'' Richards has tinkered together a series with former ``Seinfeld'' scribes Andy Robin, Gregg Kavet and Spike Feresten that kind of resembles what Kramer, but not the rest of the planet, might consider a reasonable facsimile of a situation comedy. Admittedly, hopes weren't high given the amount of backstage drama emanating from the series' set - the first pilot was scrapped and the series was completely rejiggered, including transforming it from a single-camera sitcom to a traditional show shot before a live audience - but one honestly deserved to expect more than is delivered here.

Richards plays Vic Nardozza, an incredibly stupid private eye who works for a hopelessly backward detective agency (run by William Devane, clearly coasting here). How deficient? In a future episode, the snoop photographer (Tim Meadows, ersatz ``Ladies Man'') repeatedly gets an insurance scam artist to admit to his misdeeds - but he also repeatedly forgets to tape said confession. (At one point, Meadows clearly looks chagrined to be delivering such lame dialogue, which is fairly astonishing given that he should've long ago contained that impulse, given how many mirthless quips he was routinely forced to disgorge on ``Saturday Night Live.'')

In tonight's premiere, Vic fancies himself dashing enough to seduce the fiancee of a man who suspects her of promiscuity. The upshot is more embarrassing than funny - even the camera turns away from the action. A truly lackluster future episode finds Vic investigating the possibility that an 80-year-old candy magnate is addicted to drugs (a bizarro combination - the candy angle would seem a bid to lure kid audiences, while the drug angle sort of slams the door in their face).

The only time the studio audience's laughter rises above desultory chuckles is when Richards does a trademark Kramerian twitch. Amy Farrington plays the stand-in for the viewer, a nominally normal detective dismayed by the rampant incompetence encircling her. One imagines she's not having to act too hard.

``THE MICHAEL RICHARDS SHOW''

What: ``Seinfeld's'' sidekick plays an inept private detective.

The stars: Michael Richards, Tim Meadows, Amy Farrington, William Devane, Bill Cobbs.

Where: NBC (Channel 4).

When: 8:30 p.m. Tuesdays.

Our rating: One star

'Frasier': in the aftermath

When we last checked in with ``Frasier,'' Niles (David Hyde Pierce) had just eloped, Daphne (Jane Leeves) was about to get married, and it just didn't matter - they finally confessed their love for one another and bolted just before the betrothal was to take place.

Well, of course, it isn't that easy, and ``Frasier'' begins its eighth season with the inevitable repercussions: Daphne's ex is suing her for breach of contract, including punitive damages for emotional distress - and he's suing Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) as well, for finally bringing the long-suffering lovebirds together. Meanwhile, Niles' wife agrees to a divorce, but not before she extracts her pound of flesh - slowly.

The best moments in this episode come courtesy Grammer and John Mahoney, playing Frasier and Niles' crotchety pop, as they react with hilarious dismay to the deteriorating proceedings. This is now Grammer's 17th season playing this character (James Arness is still ahead, with 20 years of Marshall Dillon on ``Gunsmoke'').

That Grammer still doesn't seem to be coasting, that he still brings his character a deft combination of wit, warmth and buffoonish hubris, is a most impressive accomplishment.

``FRASIER''

What: The sitcom's eighth-season premiere.

The stars: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.

Where: NBC (Channel 4)

When: 9 p.m. Tuesdays.

Our rating: Three stars

`Again' keeps tension going

The tentative yet inexorable rebuilding of a modern American family continues as ``Once and Again'' returns for its second season. The emotional minefields in the mindscapes of Lily Manning (Emmy winner Sela Ward) and Rick Sammler's (Billy Campbell) kids continue to be thorns in the side of their love affair. With Judith S. Wallerstein's controversial book on the fallout of divorce already drawing magazine ink and talk-show chatter, it'll also no doubt provide the show's writers with a season's worth of obstacles to throw in the path of America's Couple.

Tonight's episode is sort of an amalgam of last year, with the kids and the exes and nutty contemporary schedules providing a series of deterrents to Rick and Lily's happily ever after. Of course, their efforts to spend some quality romantic time together end in ignominy.

There's one change: Lily's daughter Grace (the excellent Julia Whelan), who was so gawky and self-conscious last season, has become a bit mouthy and assertive and attitudinal for Season Two, which leaves it up to Rick's daughter Jessie (Evan Rachel Wood) to play the tremulous, moody role. Nonetheless, whenever Rick or Lily ask their kids, ``Can't we all just get along?'' their response tends to mirror that of the city of Los Angeles' back when Rodney King first posed the query.

Next week's episode is a looser, more amusing affair that not only reveals that Lily is less than perfect, but it actually finds an inventive use for those annoying black-and-white faux-interview sequences. Lily's sister Judy (Marin Hinkle) asserts herself by changing the name of the bookstore, hiring a cute guy to create a patio area and initiating a promotion in which singles mingle and discuss their favorite books. To what turns out to be Lily's dismay, Judy's marketing schemes prove to be a success.

I realize I'm in the minority for preferring ``Once and Again'' when it's droll rather than maudlin or mushy, but I still think these guys need to lighten up a bit - they get too whiny - and the ``Booklovers'' episode shows a nice balance of humor and poignancy.

Blaming the relationship's bumps discomfitingly on the kids so much may be realistic, but it may also be a reason why more folks have been watching ``Judging Amy'' than this more high-profile series. In the past, the series has fairly effectively shown how there are a variety of factors contributing to keeping a couple perfect for one another apart. Series creators Marshall Herskovitz and Ed Zwick's casting Jennifer Crystal as Christie, Lily's passive-aggressive boss who resents an employee having a fulfilling life, was an inspired gesture (though, so far this season, she's been more a ditz than an obstacle). But resurrecting David Clennon's Miles Drentell from ``thirtysomething'' was a cheesy gimmick that creates artificial anxiety.

Herskovitz and Zwick have an interesting conundrum: Their goal - preventing Rick and Lily from getting too comfortable - runs counter to their viewers' hopes and expectations, particularly if the story lines get too far-fetched or repetitive. How this plays out should continue to be worth observing.

``ONCE AND AGAIN''

What: Second-season premiere of the romantic 40-something drama.

The stars: Sela Ward, Billy Campbell, Julia Whelan, Evan Rachel Wood, Marin Hinkle, Jennifer Crystal, Todd Field.

Where: ABC (Channel 7).

When: 10 p.m. Tuesdays.

Our rating: Three stars

Tasteless humor amuses in Nick's lively 'Pelswick'

Turns out that Niles and Daphne over on ``Frasier'' are, in fact, not the season's least likely TV coupling - that honor falls to John Callahan and Nickelodeon. Callahan, for the uninitiated, is an anarchically hilarious cartoonist who became a quadriplegic at the age of 21 in a car accident. His books of cartoons are frequently deliriously tasteless - though always funny - but pretty much the last thing you'd expect to see on the kids' cable channel of choice, Nickelodeon.

Yet here's ``Pelswick,'' an engaging and often funny animated series about a 13-year-old boy who's dead from the armpits down but is clicking on all cylinders otherwise. He jokingly eschews the term ``cripple,'' saying, ``I prefer the term 'permanently seated' ''; such addled political correctness is also directed toward women, or, the ``mustache-impaired.''

Tonight's premiere episode has some great little jokes (some of them, yes, are watered-down gross-out jokes that Callahan no doubt delights in springing on young audiences). But even better, it makes its points - mainly, that handicapped children are just like other children in their fears and aspirations and ability to reek mayhem - without a sliver of preachiness and, in fact, a wealth of smart/silly wit.

In tonight's episode, our hero Pelswick, who isn't able to see why anyone in their right mind would want to be a part of a school's stupid student government, is unwittingly forced to run for class president, even though he's sworn his allegiance to a girl he likes. She likes him a lot less when every gambit he tries to divert attention away from himself fails miserably and he becomes more popular than ever (Al Gore should meet this guy).

There are a lot of silly, kid-pleasing gags, like a loogy-dropping contest in heaven (aimed at bald guys' heads), a zit-bedeviled angel and a grandma who cavorts about on a combination walker-skateboard. My stepdaughters, ages 10 and 7, didn't mention Pelswick's affliction at all after watching the show: All they said was that the show was very funny. I can't imagine higher praise.

``PELSWICK''

What: Animated comedy about a quadriplegic junior high school student.

Where: Nickelodeon.

When: 8 p.m. Tuesdays.

Our rating: Three stars

CAPTION(S):

4 photos

Photo:

(1) Kelsey Grammer begins his 17th season as Frasier Crane, on the eighth-season opener of ``Frasier.''

(2) Michael Richards' eponymous TV sitcom hits a new low for the actor.

(3) Billy Campbell and Sela Ward return for the second season of ``Once and Again'' on ABC tonight.

(4) Nickelodeon's new animated series, ``Pelswick,'' features a witty 13-year-old quadriplegic boy and his friends.