INTERFAITH FAMILIES CELEBRATE; SOME OBSERVE BOTH RELIGIOUS EVENTS AT ONCE.

Byline: Deborah Sullivan Daily News Staff Writer

On the first night of Hanukkah, Cynthia Neiman knelt to light the menorah with her husband, Jeff Krause, and sons, Benjamin, 5, and David, 3, in his dinosaur yarmulke.

Together, the Sherman Oaks family recited the traditional blessings in Hebrew while Neiman touched the blue center candle to the first white one. Behind them their 10-foot Christmas tree glistened with glass spheres and lights, a reminder of her husband's Christian upbringing.

'Twas the night before Christmas and the first full day of Hanukkah, and all through Los Angeles, families of mixed faiths celebrated the rich traditions of the holidays.

With national estimates placing some 50 percent of Jews in interfaith marriages, the scene in Sherman Oaks will be repeated in homes throughout the Valley this year - one of the rare seasons when the two holidays coincide on the calendar.

For these families, the holiday season offers dilemmas and rewards. Some families rejoice in their multiple faiths, while others agonize over the choice of celebrating both holidays or picking just one.

``It's a very, very volatile situation,'' said Bernice Lieberman, director of the North Valley Jewish Community Center in Granada Hills, whose son married a Christian. ``What right have I to say to my child, `My religion is better than your daddy's?' ''

The weekend before Christmas, Benjamin Krause rollicked around the family's Christmas tree in exuberant anticipation.

``Christmas morning I'm going to wake up really early and open all the presents!'' he squealed.

``Except this one,'' he said, pointing to a gift wrapped in gold paper, ``is for Hanukkah.''

As Benjamin raced through the living room shouting, ``It's Christmas!'' Neiman gazed at her son, both delight and resignation playing across her face.

``I have mixed feelings each year about the tree, because we raise the boys in a Jewish home,'' said Neiman, 39, who was brought up in the Conservative Jewish tradition but married a Methodist.

``For my husband, the tree was part of his Christmas memories, so it was really important to have. I have mixed feelings before it goes up, but when it goes up, it is beautiful.''

``Besides,'' said Jeff Krause, 41, reaching for her hand, ``we met at a tree-trimming party.''

That party eight years ago - really a secret matchmaking session arranged by friends - bore fruit in an interfaith family, with all its joys and complications.

Benjamin and David observe Hanukkah with Neiman's family and at their school at Stephen S. Wise Temple, where they have built a collection of handmade menorahs that now adorn the family's kitchen.

Come Christmas Day, they celebrate with Krause's four siblings and their broods.

``They have 10 first cousins, so Christmas is really a big deal,'' Neiman said.

In other families, the two holidays meld naturally into a hybrid spiritual tradition.

``It never seemed like a big deal'' to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, said Francis Moss, 57, of Sherman Oaks, who raised his two children in both faiths.

``I used to think that every household celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah when I was a lot younger,'' said his son, Zachary Moss, 17. ``It never entered my mind that there was any other way.''

The family lights the menorah and recites Jewish prayers in observance of Hanukkah, then attends Christmas Eve services at the Unitarian-Universalist Church of Studio City, which Francis Moss describes as a ``big tent'' encompassing both faiths, along with other religions.

Rather than sowing confusion, practicing two faiths has instilled a sense of tolerance and sensitivity, Zachary Moss said.

``Around this time I try to be as politically correct as possible and wish everyone a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or, depending on the person, a Happy Kwanzaa.''

The African-American holiday of Kwanzaa is finding its place this week among families who honor both the birth of Christ and their own cultural heritage.

Maulana Karenga, head of the department of black studies at California State University, Long Beach, created the seven-day celebration in the mid-1960s to celebrate African-American values. This year, Kwanzaa begins Friday.

At Naima Olugbala-Knox's Pasadena home, the holiday has been a part of life for 30 years.

``It means everything,'' said Olugbala-Knox, 51, director of Omowale Ujamaa/Northwest Community School in Pasadena. ``It's our cultural expression of who we are and how we live.''

Observing Kwanzaa not only strengthens the family's cultural foundation, but allows them to focus their Christmas celebration on strictly spiritual matters.

The family has abandoned the traditional tree in favor of a Christ candle, in accordance with scriptural passages that equate embellished trees with pagan practices. Rather than exchanging gifts Christmas morning, they volunteer at a homeless shelter.

``You can't give Christ a physical gift, but you can give him a gift by giving to the least of his people,'' she said.

The breadth of holiday observances doesn't end there. In Los Angeles' bubbling cultural stew, the combinations of religious celebrations are endless.

Ann Shankar, a practicing Buddhist who was raised a Christian, and her husband, Babu, a Hindu, plan to visit her family for traditional Christmas festivities this year. Then in January, the Van Nuys couple will celebrate the Hindu holiday of Diwali, sharing an Indian dinner with friends.

At Church on the Way in Van Nuys, Japanese Christians serve noodles and sushi at holiday gatherings. Messianic Jewish followers light their menorahs with a candle representing Jesus Christ. Arabic congregants of Orthodox Christian background celebrate Christmas twice: on Dec. 25 and again with a three-hour Mass on the evening of Jan. 6, the Orthodox Christmas.

Iranian Church on the Way members who are converts from Islam still observe the 30-day Ramadan fast starting Jan. 1, using the opportunity to pray for the Muslim world.

``I just read a quote this morning on the Internet: `Many paths, one truth,' '' Francis Moss said. ``It's like, it doesn't matter how you're heading there, as long as you get there.''

CAPTION(S):

2 Photos

PHOTO (1 -- color) With their Christmas tree in the background, Cynthia Neiman lights the first candle of Hanukkah with her husband, Jeff Krause, and sons, David, center, and Benjamin at their Sherman Oaks home.

Phil McCarten/Daily News

(2) Naima Olugbala-Knox and her husband, Edward Knox Jr., contemplate the Christ candle, a symbol of Kwanzaa.

Joe Binoya/Special to the Daily News