INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW ABOUT RIVALRY.

Byline: KEVIN MODESTI

You've heard there's a big game of football in Pasadena on Saturday. You perhaps don't follow USC or UCLA and worry about not keeping up with the office banter. You've come to the right place to have your questions answered.

Fire away.

A Mr. R. Philbin of New York City asks: What could possibly be at stake in this Bruins-Trojans game, or any game now that Notre Dame is out of the national championship picture?

Here's this week's plot: If USC wins, it goes on to play for the national championship against Ohio State. If UCLA wins, it gets to say ``nyah, nyah'' all spring and summer, and Michigan probably goes to the national title game.

A Mr. L. Carr of Ann Arbor, Mich., asks: It's a close matchup, right? The Bruins are good, right? The Trojans could lose, right?

Anything's possible. But the Trojans have won the past seven meetings between the two schools. The Trojans are 10-1 this season, the Bruins 6-5. In nine games against common opponents, the Trojans have been better than the Bruins by an average of about 12 points.

A Mr. R. Murdoch of Melbourne, London and New York asks this about the upset-minded Bruins: If They Do It, will they write a book?

Oh, yes. This would be one of the biggest victories in UCLA football history, the first time it beats a USC team ranked as high as No. 2. In 1958, UCLA beat a USC team ranked No. 4.

A Ms. P. Hilton of Hollywood asks: How are Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush doing this year?

The Heisman Trophy winners don't play for USC anymore. Bush has been disappointing for the Saints, Leinart better for the Cardinals. Will they ever be embarrassed if the Trojans go on to win the national title without them.

A Ms. L.R. Metermaid of the Parking Enforcement Dept. asks: How is Cade McNown doing?

McNown doesn't play for UCLA anymore. McNown hasn't played for the Bruins in so long, he was the quarterback the last time they beat the Trojans. Since then, he had an entire NFL career before being released by his last pro team in 2003.

A Mr. A. Kutcher of Hollywood asks: What are these game-week practical jokes I hear about?

Students from each side used to try to deface the other's famous campus statue. In recent years, they've taken to protecting the statues from harm, USC by wrapping Tommy Trojan in plastic and tape, UCLA by putting a crate around the Bruin Bear with a sign saying he's ``in hibernation.'' It looks from here as if the pranksters have won.

A Mr. K. Jackson of Thousand Oaks writes to ask: Will this be the greatest Granddaddy of all-time, Big Ten champ and No. 1-ranked Ohio State against Pac-10 champ and No. 2-ranked USC in the Rose Bowl game?

It would be, but something called the BCS screwed everything up. If USC wins on Saturday, it'll play Ohio State for the title Jan. 8 in Glendale.

An R. McNally e-mails to ask: Glendale? The national title game is at Glendale City College?

Glendale, Ariz. The town bills itself as ``Arizona's Antique Capital.'' Sounds like a wild time.

A Mr. B. Toledo of Albuquerque, N.M., asks: Is Bruins coach Karl Dorrell being shown too much patience by the athletic department, especially compared to the last guy?

Not at all. In making the change after the 2002 season, athletic director Dan Guerrero said a UCLA team should never be picked for sixth place in the Pac-10, that it should be top 25 nationally every year, and that it had to close the gap on schools like USC and Washington State. Well, UCLA was picked for fifth place in the Pac-10 in a media poll this summer, it was in the top 20 for most of last season, and now it's every bit as good as Washington State. Progress!

A Mr. B. Sagdiyev of Kuczek, Kazakhstan, asks: How did the US of C mascot vote in the last election?

Horses aren't allowed to vote in America. But you raise an interesting point about a possible link between football and election results. Daily News sportswriter Billy Witz points out that for 13 years in a row, during the successive UCLA and USC winning streaks in the rivalry, the Bruins won every game (1991-98) preceding a Democratic presidential victory and the Trojans (1999-2003) won every game preceding a Republican presidential victory; the trend continues (for 2004-05) if the GOP wins in '08. The coincidence also applies to the game immediately preceding seven of the past eight presidential elections -- the exception is 1984; UCLA won the '83 game but Ronald Reagan won the '84 election. Blue states and cardinal states?

A Ms. K. Couric of New York asks: What are the serious issues for the two teams this week?

For the Bruins, it's whether they should start Ben Olson or Patrick Cowan at quarterback. For the Trojans, it's whether they have to stay awake to win this.

A Mr. G.W. Bush of Crawford, Texas, asks: If the rivalry is so hopeless for the Bruins, why don't they just pull out?

The Bruins say they'll keep playing this game until they achieve victory. It probably means nothing that they've hired James Baker to study the situation.

heymodesti(AT_SIGN)aol.com

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