IF YOUR HEAD ITCHES, AFTER `GODOT', THEN SCRATCH IT.

Byline: David Kronke Television Critic

AS WE BEGIN 2003, our country troops warily toward a war that is variously described as a righteous effort to disarm a madman with murderous designs on our country, a crusade to stop a dictator guilty of countless human-rights abuses and a gambit to gain control of oil for the free world, objectives that should please one or another of us - and yet, a definitive quorum hasn't been established. But we all seem to be atwitter about an OK actress and middling singer who goes by the moniker of J.Lo and her impending betrothal to a watery leading man one magazine has dubbed ``The sexiest man alive.''

So, hey - it's more than a little appropriate to kick off the New Year with a little absurdist existentialism.

Tonight, PBS presents ``Stage on Screen: Waiting for Godot,'' a handsome production of the Samuel Beckett classic that, as host Jeremy Irons explains, serves as ``a parable for the human condition, an emblematic story of mankind at the mercy of forces beyond its control.'' Well, it's that or a college-football bowl game that just might feature J.Lo at halftime.

Despite Irons' portentous decree, maybe ``Waiting for Godot'' is just about two rubes with a lot of time on their hands who have nothing better to do than annoy one another or, lacking that, allow others to puzzle them. Certainly, a play this oblique would never be allowed the critical traction to evolve into a masterpiece these days.

For those who neglected their esoteric masterpieces classes (I was introduced to it via a religious studies college course), ``Waiting for Godot'' (directed in this forcibly performed production by ``Brideshead Revisited's'' Michael Lindsay-Hogg) begins (and ends) in a stark, sterile landscape defined by piles of rubble and a forlorn tree.

Vladimir (Johnny Murphy) and Estragon (Barry McGovern) are two tramps who have been told to linger by the tree until the most elusive Godot comes to them. In the meantime, they debate the gospels and discuss alternatives to their pastime: ``Let's hang ourselves immediately,'' Estragon suggests.

Along comes a traveler, Pozzo (Alan Stanford), and his terribly beleaguered mule, Lucky (Stephan Brennan), who delivers jumbled soliloquies as if he's channeling William Shatner. ``It's a scandal!'' Vladimir laments of Lucky's abusive treatment; Pozzo, clueless, queries, ``Are you alluding to anything in particular?''

When Pozzo exits, a young lad arrives to inform the two that Godot won't be arriving today. They elect to exit, yet remain. In the second act, much the same transpires, and one begins to understand why it was left to the French to proclaim the play a masterpiece.

That such material has inspired interpretations ranging from the deeply religious to the stringently political attests to its ambiguous power (on the other hand, Frank Zappa, not a stupid guy, declared the Appalachian primitivists the Shaggs the epitome of brilliance, too). Many may relate to Pozzo, who seems to deliver an astute critique of the play when he declares: ``In the meantime, nothing happens.''

Even those who hate the film will have to agree with the following exchange:

Vladimir: ``This is becoming really insignificant.''

Estragon: ``Not enough.''

STAGE ON SCREEN: WAITING FOR GODOT - Three stars

What: Adaptation of Samuel Beckett's absurdist masterpiece.

Where: KCET.

When: 9:30 tonight.

In a nutshell: Incredibly well-staged production of material that's decidedly not for everyone.