IF YOU PICK ONE MOVIE TO MISS, MAKE IT `SPICE WORLD'.Byline: Glenn Whipp Daily News Film Critic ``Spice World'' is the worst movie I have seen in a very long time. Comparisons are not easily made, but imagine the Beatles' ``A Hard Day's Night'' mixed with ``The Brady Bunch Variety Hour'' with Alice the maid doing all the singing. That's how bad this movie is. ``Spice World'' was written by Kim Fuller, the brother of the girl group's former manager, Simon Fuller Simon Fuller (born May 17 1960 in Hastings, England) is one of the the most powerful men in entertainment in the world. He is a British entrepreneur and creator of the Idol series, first seen as Pop Idol in the UK and over 100 other versions including American Idol, , who was sacked last year. I can only guess, but I believe the script is Kim's revenge for his brother's firing. ``Spice World'' is ``A Hard Day's Blight,'' less a film than a video product intended to cash in on minute No. 14 of the Spice Girls' 15 minutes of fame. There were 7-year-olds in the audience pointing out the holes in the plot. It's too bad they weren't consulted before filming. They could have made a better movie. ``Spice World'' shamelessly steals from the entire Beatles film catalog. There's the ``day in the life'' theme (``A Hard Day's Night''), the wacky spy subplot sub·plot n. 1. A plot subordinate to the main plot of a literary work or film. Also called counterplot, underplot. 2. A subdivision of a plot of land, especially a plot used for experimental purposes. (``Help!''), the misadventures of bus travel (``Magical Mystery Tour'') and the talking-to-the-camera ending (``Yellow Submarine''). The only film missing is ``Let It Be,'' undoubtedly left out because it showed the Beatles - actual musicians - working in the studio. It's doubtful that the Spice Girls The Spice Girls are an English all-female pop group, formed in London in 1994. The Spice Girls, consisting of: Geri Halliwell, Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton, Melanie Brown, and Victoria Beckham signed to Virgin Records and released their debut single, "Wannabe", in 1996. want the world to know how their records - or audio products - are really made. You could forgive the derivative nature of the movie if it had one moment of wit or fun or talent. Why did the Spice Girls become so big, particularly in their home country of England? You'll never know from watching ``Spice World.'' The Girls score zero for charisma and zero for acting ability. As for their singing, thankfully, it's kept to a minimum. The film would be just as good - or terrible - if the producers had raided the women's room women's room n. A restroom for women. of any London nightclub and picked five women at random. You could have Stupid Spice, Shallow Spice, Scatterbrained scat·ter·brain n. A person regarded as flighty, thoughtless, or disorganized. scat  ter·brained Spice, Spacey spac·ey adj. Slang Variant of spacy. Adj. 1. spacey - stupefied by (or as if by) some narcotic drug spaced-out, spacy unconventional - not conventional or conformist; "unconventional life styles" Spice and Speechless Spice. Ah ... Speechless Spice. Now that would be a great movie. The movie we do have is an inane series of subplots that are briefly explored and then immediately forgotten. The Spice Girls go boating! The Spice Girls help deliver a baby! The Spice Girls spend the night in a haunted house! Richard E. Grant Richard E. Grant (born May 5, 1957) is a British actor known for portraying the world-weary, drug-crazed alcoholic Withnail in Withnail and I. Biography Early life Grant was born Richard Grant Esterhuysen is the neurotic manager futilely trying to get the group to an Albert Hall concert on time while trying to save his dignity as an actor. He fails miserably on both counts. The cameos are equally pointless. Elton John shows up merely as a prop to be kissed by the Girls. Couldn't they have thought of something better for him to do? Obviously not, because Elvis Costello, Meat Loaf and Roger Moore meet similar fates. What's so amazing about ``Spice World'' is how completely it strips the Spice Girls of both their charm and their image. The Spice Girls are supposed to be all about fun, but there's not one light, frothy froth·y adj. froth·i·er, froth·i·est 1. Made of, covered with, or resembling froth; foamy. 2. Playfully frivolous in character or content: a frothy French farce. scene that works in this lifeless movie. Surprisingly, the group's five women don't even come off as all that sexy. In fact, despite the tight, short dresses, the Spice Girls are pretty much asexual asexual /asex·u·al/ (a-sek´shoo-al) having no sex; not sexual; not pertaining to sex. a·sex·u·al adj. 1. Having no evident sex or sex organs; sexless. 2. - probably a marketing decision so they won't frighten or offend their prime audience of 8- to 16-year-old girls. But those same girls would be better off watching their old ``My Little Pony'' videos or a good rerun re·run n. The act or an instance of rebroadcasting a recorded movie or a recorded television performance. tr.v. re·ran , re·run, re·run·ning, re·runs To present a rerun of. of ``Saved by the Bell.'' Parents, be warned: This movie will shave a good 10 points off your child's IQ. Scary Spice? You bet it is. THE FACTS The film: ``Spice World'' (PG; some vulgarity, brief shot of male buttocks buttocks /but·tocks/ (but´oks) the two fleshy prominences formed by the gluteal muscles on the lower part of the back. ). The stars: The Spice Girls with Richard E. Grant, Roger Moore and George Wendt. Behind the scenes: Directed by Bob Spiers. Written by Kim Fuller. Released by Columbia Pictures. Running time: One hour, 33 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: No stars. CAPTION(S): Photo Photo: Victoria Adams (Posh Spice), left, Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice), Melanie Chisholm (Sporty Spice), Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) and Melanie Brown (Scary Spice) make their film debuts in ``Spice World.'' |
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