IF THE OLSEN TWINS CAN MAKE IT THERE ...Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic FILM CRITICS HAVE a technical term for sitting through the likes of ``New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of Minute,'' the latest consumer item for fans of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen  Editing of this page by unregistered or newly registered users is currently disabled due to vandalism. . We call it earning the paycheck.
Yes, there are few things more dreaded by those of us who love cinema than watching two (purportedly) human Barbie dolls rattle around in a contrived, frenzied and ruthlessly PG-rated comedy adventure. Chalk it up to Mariana Trench-depth expectations, then, that ``New York Minute'' actually turned out to be a tolerable experience. It's an idiotic and utterly bogus confection con·fec·tion n. A sweetened medicinal compound. Also called electuary. , as it must be, but at least it has a pleasing level of pacing (it scoots along without screeching) and some minor-key subversive flashes (Is that Jack Osbourne Jack Joseph Osbourne (born November 8, 1985 in London, England) is the son of music legend Ozzy Osbourne and music manager Sharon Osbourne, which also makes him the grandson of Don Arden. ? Is every mom's favorite set of pre-sexual role models really rocking out to ``Suffragette City''?). I laughed out loud three times. Consider that a recommendation if you must. In a stroke of non-genius, the teen twins play soooo different suburban sisters. Ashley is preternaturally pre·ter·nat·u·ral adj. 1. Out of or being beyond the normal course of nature; differing from the natural. 2. Surpassing the normal or usual; extraordinary: perfect Jane Ryan - head cheerleader, A-student, self-appointed domestic substitute for deceased mom, all of that. No surprise, she's also quite the neurotic pill. Mary-Kate's Roxy likes to bang on bang on - (Or "pound on"). To stress-test a piece of hardware or software: "I banged on the new version of the simulator all day yesterday and it didn't crash once. I guess it is ready for release." drums, keeps a pet snake and stays one step ahead of the bungling bun·gle v. bun·gled, bun·gling, bun·gles v.intr. To work or act ineptly or inefficiently. v.tr. To handle badly; botch. See Synonyms at botch. n. district truant officer truant officer n. An official who investigates unauthorized absences from school. (Eugene Levy, who I hope was paid well). She causes most of the movie's trouble. Duh duh interj. Used to express disdain for something deemed stupid or obvious, especially a self-evident remark. [Imitative of an utterance attributed to slow-witted people.] . The sisters can't stand one another. But they've both got to go into New York to achieve their individual girl dreams. Transportation, of course, gets complicated, and when they inadvertently get enmeshed en·mesh also im·mesh tr.v. en·meshed, en·mesh·ing, en·mesh·es To entangle, involve, or catch in or as if in a mesh. See Synonyms at catch. in some Chinese software piracy plot, they're forced to stick together. Pliable boys are romanced, concert crowds are surfed, most of the metropolis' major ethnic groups get stereotyped, and one of the sisters keeps losing her clothes before they learn to appreciate each other for who they are. There is much bad driving. Andy Richter and ``Saturday Night Live's'' Darrell Hammond are serially humiliated hu·mil·i·ate tr.v. hu·mil·i·at·ed, hu·mil·i·at·ing, hu·mil·i·ates To lower the pride, dignity, or self-respect of. See Synonyms at degrade. . A funny-looking dog is hauled around. The Olsens prove that they still possess the crack comic timing that made their childhood work on TV's ``Full House'' so ... well, scintillating's not the word. Whether either of them possess real comedy sense remains a question for another day. Director Dennie Gordon (``What a Girl Wants'') keeps things moving at a thank-God-there-wasn't-time-to-think-about-what-I-just-saw clip and has mercifully loaded the soundtrack with good '80s new wave and hard-edged modern sounds rather than the anticipated teen pop. Hers is also one of the first non-special-effects-based features to employ Digital Intermediate in postproduction. This is a fascinating process that allows for color-matching exteriors shot over weeks in different cities to appear like they were all filmed during a single day in Manhattan ... Oh, who are we kidding? ``New York Minute'' is a technical marvel like ``earning the paycheck'' is actual critical criteria. Both, however, are things we understand instantly the second we're exposed to them, no thought required. Bob Strauss, (818) 713-3670 bob.strauss(at)dailynews.com NEW YORK MINUTE - Two and one half stars (PG: mild violence) Starring: Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Eugene Levy, Andy Richter, Jared Padalecki, Riley Smith. Director: Dennie Gordon. Running time: 1 hr. 26 min. Playing: Wide release. In a nutshell: The twin teen superstars have a lively, if totally formulaic, set of big-city adventures. Almost adult-tolerable. In places. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: If you can tell which one of these two girls is Mary-Kate Olsen and which is her fraternal twin sister Ashley, then you'll probably like their new movie ``New York Minute.'' |
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