IDLE HANDS JUST WRITE SILLY LAWS.

Byline: JILL STEWART Capitol Punishment

WITH so much time and credibility blown by California's Legislature and governor on Vitamin-Gate, Speaker-Gate, Shelley-Gate and other ethical dustups, it's hardly shocking that the biggest thing Sacramento has achieved in 2005 is a deal to build a bridge.

You may have seen the politicians patting their own backs as they announced that California - the world's sixth-largest economy - is building a bridge over San Francisco Bay.

My God, it wasn't the Kyoto Treaty. But given how little the Legislature gets done, it seems like a towering achievement.

We've had Shelley-Gate, prompting the resignation of Democratic Secretary of State Kevin Shelley; Speaker-Gate, in which Fabian Nuez, D-Los Angeles, got outed for his lucrative side job with a group controlled by a Los Angeles labor union boss; and Vitamin-Gate, with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger getting nailed for inking a deal to earn more than $5 million from two muscle magazines.

All three big dogs insisted they hadn't broken the law - apparently our new ``leadership'' standard. It's been depressing. But the Capitol has been so busy dealing with all that turmoil that I'm hoping we'll see a corresponding drop in its odoriferous annual output.

Of laws, I mean.

Nothing sets off my libertarian streak like the roughly 1,000 new laws sent to the governor to sign by late September. The California Legislature passes the equivalent of about three new laws every single day. Most Californians no longer have any clue what's allowed and what's not.

For example, one new law that took effect this month requires motorists to turn on their headlights when there's enough rain to warrant the use of wipers, even in the middle of the day. Um, do I turn on my headlights first? Should I do that before or after I rudely gesture with my hand to let the Legislature know how I feel?

Many of our worst laws embrace the fallacy that we will live longer if only the Legislature surrounds us with a cocoon of rules. Take two of this year's ``junk science'' bills, Senate Bill 484 by state Sen. Carole Migden of San Francisco and Assembly Bill 908 by Assemblywoman Judy Chu of Monterey Park.

SB 484 seeks to force cosmetics companies - including successful earth-friendly folks who make nonallergenic and organic cosmetics never tested on animals - to launch absurd inquiries into whether the thousands of ingredients found in their creams, colorings and sprays have been linked to cancer or reproductive toxicity.

The information would be reported to state officials, but no action is required by the state. U.S. experts already review these substances for safety and allow their use.

I wonder if tea tree oil - which is in a lot of cosmetic stuff I slather on - kills mice when they guzzle it? Better find out. Then I can stop worrying about salt and focus on that instead.

The other bill, AB 908, illustrates California's embarrassing slide into Euro-copying. Chu wanted to ban substances in nail polish, sprays and so on that the feds have said are safe in these products.

Let's hope Chu doesn't hear about those marathoners who grew deathly ill from drinking excessive water. California might decide to exact stiff fines from runners who recklessly chugalug water.

Chu's bill is still listed as active, but just barely. Migden's bill has moved further along. If either one ends up before Arnold, in current form or in a surprise last-minute bill, I hope he vetoes it. I'd like to slather on my tea tree oil in peace.

Don't misunderstand. I'm not promoting scandal as a way to keep elected officials' little hands busy. On the other hand, look how much good the scandals have done so far:

We've already seen the hubris-blinded Schwarzenegger get a badly needed dose of humility; Nuez's smart-aleck personality moderated slightly and Shelley, the most abusive boss in Sacramento, pushed to resign.

It's too early to tell whether these distractions have lessened the Legislature's odoriferous output. We won't know until the official September deadline for approving new laws.

Until then, don't celebrate. Our energetic lawmakers are still capable of wallowing in scandals even as they churn out three or four new laws every single day. After all, these are the geniuses who figured out how to build a bridge - all by themselves.