ICE MEN COMETH WILL FERRELL, JON HEDER TRIPLE-AXEL THEIR WAY TO 'GLORY'.

Byline: Bob Strauss

Film Writer

Championship figure skating is one of the world's toughest sports.

It can also look pretty ridiculous.

So the skating comedy "Blades of Glory," opening Friday, had to glide a razor-thin line between honoring artistry and athleticism and sheer, snide sarcasm about people swanning around in costumes Vegas showgirls would think twice about wearing.

The film's idiotic premise seems sure to insult pros and fans alike. Men's singles champs and mortal enemies Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy ("Napoleon Dynamite's" Jon Heder) get banned from competition for fighting on the ice, only to discover a loophole that allows them to resume skating as the first all-male pair.

But members of the skating establishment proved enthusiastically helpful. Respected ice choreographer Sarah Kawahara schooled the comic actors in skating moves, and the likes of Nancy Kerrigan, Sasha Cohen and Scott Hamilton make good-natured appearances in the film.

We asked Hamilton, Ferrell, Heder and off-ice co-star Jenna Fischer (from TV's "The Office") about the hard work of making ice skating look silly. Or sillier. Or unfairly trashing one of mankind's most beautiful displays of physical prowess ... or whatever it is they thought they were doing.

WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT HOW STUPID THIS MIGHT LOOK?

Ferrell: Knowing the context of the film, the stupider the better. The sillier the choreography, (the more) it complemented our attitudes. The fact that we were still professional skaters doing these ridiculous holds or lifts provides the comedy. We'd see something, and we'd be, like, "Yeah, but that looks pretty normal. Shouldn't we do something even crazier?"

Hamilton: I figured that if Sarah could disguise my weaknesses for 20 years and give me the career that I had, she could make these guys look like champions.

THEY DID HAVE SOME HELP FROM DOUBLES, WIRES AND SPECIAL-EFFECTS GREEN SCREENS. BUT MONTHS OF TRAINING WERE REQUIRED ANYWAY, RIGHT?

Heder: The first day when we showed up on the ice, I remember thinking I was better because I had been on the ice, maybe, three times for family functions. I thought, watch, I'm going to impress my coach. I was very humbled that day.

Ferrell: It was like learning to walk again, in a way. From where we started and where we ended up, we didn't think we were going to get there.

Hamilton: Watching the movie, I was caught up in the spell. I truly believed that was them out there doing all that physically impossible stuff. Nothing they did was really possible. And they're funny, some of the lifts and some of the ends of the routines. Ow!

YOU EVEN BROKE YOUR ANKLE AND WERE SIDELINED FOR A FEW MONTHS, JON. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

Heder: I was going in for a spin. It wasn't anything cool -- that was my only regret. My toe pick was kind of stuck in the ice a little bit deeper, so my body kept spinning but my leg

did not.

WAS THAT THE MOST PAINFUL THING? SOME OF THOSE CROTCH-STRAINING ROUTINES LOOKED PRETTY UNCOMFORTABLE.

Heder: Breaking the ankle was just physical pain. The frog lift was emotional pain. I was crying.

Ferrell: For weeks afterward.

Heder: I think we both agree that the frog lift was more difficult because we actually did it. The others were, like, wires and doubles.

Ferrell: It was painful.

WAS THAT THE ONE THAT HAD THE HOMOEROTIC ELEMENT TO IT? OH WAIT, THAT WAS MOST OF THEM.

Heder: Actually, we wanted to make it manly. I mean, I remember they told us that for the marketing of this film, they were really gonna try to make this as masculine as they can. Because, in those outfits, it kinda automatically becomes neutral.

YEAH, ABOUT THOSE SKATING SUITS ...

Ferrell: The costumes really helped (us get in character). When we first did camera and wardrobe tests, we'd walk out and see what each other was wearing and ... we got a little jealous.

Heder: Then it went from jealousy to admiration. Each new scene, it was fun because we'd come out in a new outfit that was always a little different take on the last outfit. "Ooh, you've got some extra sparkles here." "That leather is really cool." It was always fun and exciting. It was like Christmas morning in our trailers.

OK, YOU'RE REALLY SOUNDING UNMANLY NOW. THINK IT'S TIME TO TALK TO JENNA ABOUT THE MAKE-OUT SCENES.

Fischer: The one with Will took 12 hours to shoot. So that was, like, 12 hours of breast massage. It was a lot; aahhhh lot. You get to know a person quickly when they touch your boobs for 12 hours, it turns out. Turns out you're friends after, especially with a nice guy like Will. He was quite a gentleman.

THE ONE WITH JON WAS A LITTLE MORE CHASTE. OR WAS IT?

Fischer: In the script, it just said "they kiss." But we figured that, for each of these two people, this was their first kiss in life. They're older, and we thought, wow, what might that be like?

Thinking back to your first kiss ever, it wasn't the best, so we're going to let it not be the best. We decided that, to make this the best worst kiss, Jon would keep his mouth closed and I would open my mouth and French the outside of his face. And that's what we went for. I just full-on, tongue-kissed his lips. We had to do that scene for several hours.

DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY THESE SCENES TOOK SO LONG?

Fischer: Oh, it's common in movies -- so they tell me. I hope this wasn't some scam. But you know, they have to get it from every different angle, do close-ups and everything.

DOING THIS FILM MUST HAVE GIVEN YOU SOME RESPECT FOR FIGURE SKATERS.

Heder: There is a huge respect for what they put into it and what amazing athletes they are. Just standing and walking on skates is hard enough; they're doing flips and turns and spins.

Ferrell: And how many hours they have to dedicate at such a young age. And there's a pretty good chance you won't make it, despite all that time. It's a 1-in-100 chance that you'll go on, or that people will even know your name. That and having to wear a dance belt for 12 hours; we respected that.

SCOTT, HOW WOULD YOU SAY THE FILM MATCHES SATIRIC SKILL WITH HONORING THE SPORT?

Hamilton: It created its own world. It's so over-the-top, surreal/unreal, that it's not legitimate, actual Olympic-style skating. The whole premise of two men skating together in Olympic-level competition, a month before the actual chance to qualify, is so absurd that I don't think anyone in the skating community would be offended by this. The filmmakers like skating, I think, but they are the first to point out the ridiculous nature of some of the decisions that skaters make, and they emphasize those on screen.

The key is to laugh at yourself first, before somebody else does. I think this movie does that better than anything the industry's ever seen before. It truly satirizes skating, but it's not mean-spirited or cruel. It does it with a hug.

Caveman mentality for 'Blades' directors

Will Speck and Josh Gordon, who make their feature debut with "Blades of Glory," have been directing short films and award-winning commercials together since they met at New York University.

One of their most successful ad campaigns is the cavemen spots for Geico Insurance. They recently sold a sitcom pilot based on the ads to ABC, and it has proven to be more controversial than men's pairs figure skating. Lack of originality, selling out and blurring the line between entertainment and advertising even more than television commonly does are among the complaints.

And maybe the critics are right. But Speck and Gordon would like to clarify that the sitcom pilot, which they're directing now, is to them a purely creative endeavor. Or whatever purely creative means in network television, at least.

"The good news is that we made the commercials, too," Speck argues; but wait, he gets more convincing. "So it was us coming to them and saying we love these characters, and we want to do more of them, not the reverse way. And the thing that's tricky about it from a press perspective is that it seems really exploitive, like this corporation is trying to figure out how to get more bang for their buck. The truth is, it's completely the opposite."

"We thought this had legs," Gordon adds. "And there was a whole world kind of created around the spots when we were doing them, and it was a natural progression. I think when you see the show, if it goes to air, you'll see that it's not a corrupted kind of thing. It's organic."

Meaning, we hope ... ?

"No, no Geico product placements," Speck assures us. "It's a real show about real ... cavemen."

-- B.S.

CAPTION(S):

4 photos, box

Photo:

(1) ICE FOLLIES 

Fancy footwork, fancier costumes for 'Blades of Glory' stars

(2) no caption (scene from "Blades of Glory")

(3 -- 4) Jon Heder, left, Olympic skater Scott Hamilton and Will Ferrell had some fun on the ice, and Jenna Fischer practiced her kissing technique, in "Blades of Glory," opening Friday.

Box:

Caveman mentality for 'Blades' directors (see text)