How not to blow your top. (On the Management Side).

Your boss criticizes you unjustly. You overhear one of your people say something unflattering about you. Your secretary reneges on a promise to stay late to help you catch up on a big project. For one reason or another, you're deep down angry. What do you do?

When there is tension--real, deep down, punch-in-the-nose tension--in a work situation, everyone involved is particularly sensitive. Therefore, it is seldom fruitful to try to resolve the issue on the spot. The best strategy is to do what you can to defuse the situation until those involved can control their emotions.

It's not easy to calm down when your blood is boiling, but it can be done. Some suggestions:

Concede what you can. If the other person has some facts on his or her side, say so as quickly and completely as you can. This serves two ends. You take some of the steam out of the other person's anger, and you will be putting yourself in the best possible light. There is no need to solve the problem at this point. Simply recognizing its legitimacy can buy you time to work out the details.

Listen. A talked-out griper is easier to deal with than one who is bottling up emotions. Often, this is really all that is needed to end the whole thing.

Express your disagreement. If you feel that the other person is genuinely in the wrong, you should state your feelings in a controlled manner.

Set a date to discuss the matter more calmly. If agreement on this appears impossible, end the confrontation now by asserting that you will set up such an appointment later.

Take a walk, if necessary. Bad as this may look, it's better than saying something you will later regret.

Among tactics to avoid:

Don't laugh it off. Sometimes a joke can be a great tension breaker. But more often it simply heightens resentment. It's usually too great a risk to try unless you know the other person extremely well.

Don't interrupt, or try to out-shout the other person. While this is often tempting, it seldom serves any purpose other than to make you feel better for the moment and worse later.

Don't try to settle things while emotions are not fully controlled. Even if the situation demands that you do something at the moment, let it be clear to everyone that it is a stopgap measure.

These are only immediate measures. The issue will have to be faced later and thoroughly aired. But by defusing the situation for the moment, you buy time to think things out, examine the problem from the other person's viewpoint, and perhaps come up with a mutually acceptable solution or compromise.

The important thing to remember is that, in all likelihood, you will have to continue working with the other individual. Therefore, it becomes imperative that a solution with which you both can live be reached. And, above all, don't forget that with the passage of time, such run-ins do tend to fade from memory.