Hosting from a haven in the hood: Monique Greenwood, whose Akwaaba bed-and-breakfast inns extend year-round hospitality from urban Brooklyn to the Jersey seashore, shares the keys to "Having What Matters". (Cover Story).

At forty-two, Monique Greenwood, with her husband, Glenn Pogue, is the owner of bed-and-breakfasts in Brooklyn, New York and in Cape May, New Jersey. They have also purchased residential and commercial property spanning a full city block ia Brooklyn, which includes their coffee house and an elegant restaurant: Until last August when she resigned, Greenwood was also editor-in-chief of the most influential magazine for black women, Essence. Prior to leaving Essence though, she somehow also found the time to write Having What Matters: The Black Woman's Guide to Creating the Life You Really Want (William Morrow, December 2001, $25, ISBN 0-688-17509-0).

As she welcomed Black Issues Book Review to Brooklyn's beautiful Akwaaba Mansion, the bed-and-breakfast that doubles as a residence for her family (including nine-year-old daughter Glynn), she let it be known that she is just a regular sister. "I worked hard for all that I have," Greenwood explained. "I don't have a last name that opens up doors; I wasn't born with a trust fund in place. Anything I have is attainable by any sister."

And so Greenwood shared with BIBR her formula for having what matters.

* BOOTSTRAPPER MENTALITY Learn to work with what you have and keep a mind-set that we are not victims, but people with the power to ride out and rise above the pain and difficulty of the moment. Know without a doubt that joy is always attainable. Find out where your talents lie, and seize the moment. This is just what Greenwood did when she opened the Cape May bed-and-breakfast. She had been visiting Cape May, the bed-and-breakfast capital of the East Coast, for years. She couldn't help but notice there were no black-owned inns. With Philadelphia, New York, Baltimore and Washington all within three hours of this seaside town, she knew she could capitalize on the growing number of black people seeking a bed-and-breakfast getaway. She and Glenn bought an existing Cape May inn and got to work.

* STRONG WORK ETHIC "You have to go above and beyond where anyone else is willing to go," she says. With all her hard work juggling various businesses, is Greenwood suffering from the "strong black woman syndrome" she speaks of in her book? Such women take on a dizzying burdens of responsibility to please others. Greenwood's response is her next bit of the equation for success.

* PERFECT THE ART OF SAYING "NO" Although Greenwood is an excellent multitasker, she realizes, she does not have to do everything. "You may be asked to serve on the community board, be on the PTA, help start a business, be on the usher board, and sing on the choir. The key is knowing it is okay to say no is realizing you only have to please yourself;" she states matter-of-factly. "Saying yes to everyone only makes you tired and worn-out." Saying no to others can also mean saying no to working for someone else. Whatever you do, you should enjoy it. "I would come home late at night from the office, and walk into my home and the B&B guests were by the fireplace, drinking tea and enjoying themselves," she recalls. "I actually got angry at these people. Here they were drinking up my tea in my house, laughing, and I just had a hard day's work, and I still had to make sure they were comfortable. I had to remind myself that they were just doing what people do in a bed-and-breakfast. I had to remind myself that this was something I wanted to do. No one forced me to buy a B&B, and no one forced me to work at Essence either, to have to get up in the morning and go into the office."

* REACH OUT FOR HELP Even for a multitasker like Greenwood, it's an amazing balancing act to do all you want to do. Though she is no longer at Essence, there are still a great many demands on her time. Keeping a to-do list, being organized and having a handle on things still doesn't always mean you will get everything done. For Greenwood, such times means not beating yourself up when you don't get to everything on your list, but still maintaining a great support system. "Too many times, sisters don't want to reach out for help," she says, shaking her head. She believes in collaborating and using resources in your community. We shouldn't have to go at anything alone.

* SELF-LOVE Getting help in the midst of this balancing act called life is a big part of loving yourself. Greenwood stresses, "You have to treat yourself right." She feels women who have standing nail, hair and facial appointments--and never miss them--have the right idea. "They love themselves enough to know that treating themselves is a necessity. When you compare the things you do for others to the things you do for yourself, you would be shocked by how much you don't do for yourself."

This self-love thing sounds good, but has Greenwood mastered it? "There are some days when I have to pump myself up and tell myself positive things," she admits. "At an awards dinner and party for the Essence Hollywood issue, I had to present an award to actress Sanaa Lathan, star of the film Love and Basketball. I almost didn't want to leave my hotel room at first because the skirt I chose to wear was a little more snug on me than I had remembered. I was in California with all the skinny women. I stood in front of the mirror and told myself how beautiful my makeup was and how good my hair looked. I accentuated the positive, while reminding myself that the room would be dimly lit," she adds with a laugh.

Being loved is a job that falls on ourselves first, but it is also what we deserve from a mate. Greenwood believes that no matter how strong a woman may be she wants a "divine right" mate; and she feels she has been blessed with one. When asked about marriage, her face lights up. She says that she has truly found a partner in life with Glenn, who is secure in his manhood, even when people make the mistake of calling him Mr. Greenwood. As successful as her marriage is, it is hard work, she warns. "You have to be honest and let all flaws be known. I also had to realize that I had to set the tone for the relationship. My family is everything to me," she muses. "My parents, my siblings, my closest friends. These are the people who are willing to be honest with me and the people who knew me way back when. The love, support and affirmation I get from my family are wonderful and priceless gifts."

Don't confuse your whoness with your whatness, she warns. "You can't let what you do define who you are. In other words, your job and material things should not be the definition of who you are. We can't place such an emphasis on what we do." Greenwood is quick to let it be known that her positive attitude and success are not because of her, but by God's grace. "When you have faith in something bigger than yourself, you can always believe joy will come no matter what." Because she knows from whence her blessings flow, she pays no attention to people who don't understand there is enough abundance in the universe for everyone to be successful. Because there is an abundance of wealth and success out there for everyone, Greenwood feels there's a need for Having What Matters. "Women need to know how to go about making their dreams come true. They play a major part in their own happiness."

Last August, having taken her leave from Essence, Greenwood would get up at 7 a.m. in Cape May, walk along the beach, get her residents at the inn on their way and was finished with all her work by 1 p.m. She felt like a newlywed again, relaxing with her husband, taking long bike rides. Back in Brooklyn, as Greenwood and I walk down to her coffee shop to munch on their delicious red velvet cake--the best I have ever had!--I realize that you don't have to have all the things Greenwood has to have what matters. Attitude can really make all the difference between those who have and those who don't.

Lateefah Fleming is a writer and event planner with a background in film development. Her work has appeared on loveforart.com, and she freelances for Black Issues Book Review and the Harlem Times. Currently residing in Harlem with her husband and 15-month-old son, she interviewed Monique Greenwood about the things in life that matter most, page 12.