Horse opera pictures presents: Rio Loco: a Western Saga of loss and redemption.REX REX - The original name for Restructured EXtended eXecutor. STERLING, King of the PM Cowboys [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] SWEET NELL NELL New England Lighthouse Lovers NELL Noise Equivalent Line Length MCGILLACUTTY, the Virtuous Schoolmarm [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] SCRATCHY BUTTES Buttes is a municipality in the district of Val-de-Travers in the canton of Neuchâtel in Switzerland. , the Trusty Sidekick [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] and featuring: Prissy Eastern Dude [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Evil Jack Slade [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Little Timmy [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] DO NOT FORSAKE PM, MY DARLIN', YOUR DEDICATION MUST BE PURE. IF YOU NEGLECT ALL YOUR EQUIPMENT, YOU BEST BELIEVIN' YOU'LL BE A-GRIEVIN', AND YOU'LL BE OUTTA LUCK FOR SURE. FORR FORR Friends of the Russian River FORR Freedom of the Road Riders (Motorcyclists) FORR Flight Operations Readiness Review SURRE. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] OUR STORY BEGINS ONE FINE MORNING IN THE OLD WEST TOWN OF DUSTY BRITCHES. A PRISSY EASTERN DUDE HAS JUST ARRIVED ON THE STAGECOACH stagecoach, heavy, closed vehicle on wheels, usually drawn by horses, formerly used to transport passengers and goods overland. Throughout the Middle Ages and until about the end of the 18th cent. . WE FIND HIM RELAXING AT THE COW PIE Noun 1. cow pie - fecal matter of a cow cowpie droppings, dung, muck - fecal matter of animals CANTINA can·ti·na n. Southwestern U.S. A bar that serves liquor. [Spanish, canteen, from Italian, wine cellar.] , DRINKING AND CHATTING WITH SCRATCHY BUTTES, A LOCAL COLORFUL AND CANTANKEROUS can·tan·ker·ous adj. 1. Ill-tempered and quarrelsome; disagreeable: disliked her cantankerous landlord. 2. WESTERN CHARACTER. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] SO, THERE I WAS, HEMMED IN BY FORTY DESPERADOS Desperados is the plural form of desperado. It may refer to:
n. The amount that a wagon can hold. OF SALOON FLOOZIES ROLLED BY AND- PARDON ME, COLORFUL AND CONTANKEROUS WESTERN CHARACTER, BUT WHO IS THAT WRETCHED CREATURE? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] PHEEW! OH, SPIT [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I'M JUST A LOWLY COW PIE ON THE CATTLE TRAIL OF LIFE! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THAT IS REX STERLING-OR WHAT'S LEFT OF HIM. NOT THE REX STERLING? THE MOST FEARED LAWMAN WEST OF THE PECOS? THE LEGENDARY APOSTLE OF PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THE VERY SAME. I SHOULD KNOW. I WAS ONCE HIS TRUSTY SIDEKICK AND BEST FRIEND. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] PRAY TELL, WHAT SET HIM ON THE ROAD TO RUIN? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] LISTEN AND LISTEN TIGHT, PRISSY EASTERN DUDE. I'M A GONNA TELL YOU THE WHOLE TRAGIC TALE IN CINEMATIC FLASHBACK flash·back n. 1. An unexpected recurrence of the effects of a hallucinogenic drug long after its original use. 2. A recurring, intensely vivid mental image of a past traumatic experience. . [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "ONE FINE DAY LAST SPRING, REX WAS BUSY LUBING WAGON WHEELS ..." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "SCHOOL HAD JUST LET OUT AND ALL THE PRECIOUS LITTLE CHILDREN WERE CAVORTING MERRILY ON THEIR WAY HOME." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "BULLIES WERE BULLYING ..." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "... CLASS CLOWNS WERE CLOWNING ..." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ... AND REX DIDN'T SEE LITTLE TIMMY MCGILLACUTTY, THE SCHOOL-MARM'S KID BROTHER, ... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "... FROLICKING NEAR THE WAGON, JOYFULLY PLAYING STOMP THE SCORPIONS." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] REX WAS SO DEAD SET ON DOING PM HE NEVER NOTICED LITTLE TIMMY WANDERING CLOSE TO THAT THAR GREASE GUN. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "POOR LITTLE TYKE DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "HE STRAYED DIRECTLY INTO REX'S LINE OF FIRE." [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] LOOK OUT FOR THE GREASE GUN, KID! SLIDE, SLIDE!! OH, NOOO! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WHAT HAVE I DONE?! ANYONE GOT SOME INDUSTRIAL DEGREASER? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY- THAT'S RIGHT. LITTLE TIMMY NEVER FULLY RECOVERED FROM THE LUBING REX GAVE HIM. EVER SINCE THAT FATEFUL DAY, REX HAS SPENT EVERY WAKING HOUR HAUNTED BY GUILT AND WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WHAT A HEART-BREAKING STORY: THE ONCE-GREAT MAN REDUCED TO EMPTYING CUSPIDORS IN SALOONS. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WHAT'S THE MATTER, SHERIFF WORMLEY? SOMEBODY PLANT A TARANTULA tarantula (tərăn`chələ), name applied chiefly to several species of the large, hairy spiders of the families Theraphosidae and Dipluridae of North and South America. The body of a tarantula may be as much as 3 in. (7. IN YOUR FRUIT OF THE LOOMS[R]? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THIS IS PLUMB AWFUL! EVIL JACK SLADE JUST BROKE OUT OF YUMA PRISON AND HE'S HEADING THIS WAY ON THE NOONDAY TRAIN! WHAT'S WORSE, HIS BAND OF OUTLAWS, THE HOLE-IN-THE-HEAD GANG, IS WAITING FOR HIM DOWN AT THE DEPOT! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] MEANWHILE, DOWN AT THE TRAIN DEPOT ... LOOK, FELLERS, ... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ... A TELEGRAM FROM EVIL JACK SLDE, HE SAYS IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU What's Good For You is a Logie Award winning health and lifestyle program that airs on Nine Network on Mondays in Australia and modernine in Thailand. It investigates myths and fables concerning health. , YOU BEST DO PM ON YOUR SIX-SHOOTERS, HORSED AND TACK. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] YOU'RE BREAKIN' MY CONCENTRATION! GO FISH. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE CANTINA ... SLADE'S A VENGEFUL, ORNERY or·ner·y adj. or·ner·i·er, or·ner·i·est Mean-spirited, disagreeable, and contrary in disposition; cantankerous. [Alteration of ordinary. CUSS! SURE AS SHOOTIN' ... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ... HE'S COMIN' HERE TO GUN DOWN THE MEN, BURN THE TOWN AND CARRY OFF OUR WOMENFOLK wom·en·folk also wom·en·folks pl.n. 1. Women considered as a group. 2. The women of a community or family. womenfolk Noun, pl 1. women collectively 2. ! BUT WE'RE NOT PREPARED FOR A SHOWDOWN WITH EVIL JACK AND HIS GANG. WHY, NOBODY'S DONE A LICK OF PM IN THIS TOWN SINCE ... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ... THAT FATEFUL DAY! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] REX! THE TOWN'S IN DIRE STRAITS AND ONLY YOUR PM CAN SAVE US, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BETWEEN EIGHT AND TEN O'CLOCK THIS MORNING? I'M SCHEDULED TO BE HAUNTED ... BY GUILT. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] HOW ABOUT TEN TO TWELVE? THAT'S NO GOOD EITHER: WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] FELLERS, WE GOT ONE SLIM CHANCE: REX MUST CONFRONT HIS TORTURED PAST, SEEK FORGIVENESS AND REDEEM HIMSELF THROUGH THE POWER OF PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] DANG! THAT'S SOME HIGHFALUTIN' GOINGS-ON FOR THIS HERE MAGAZINE. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WE GOTTA TAKE REX TO SEE SWEET NELL MCGILLACUTTY-HIS FORMER SWEETHEART-AND HER GREASY INVALID BROTHER, LITTLE TIMMY! ONLY THEY CAN RESCUE HIM FROM THIS DARK FUNK! [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] |
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