Honesty at heart of recovery.

Byline: STRAIGHT STUFF By Jerry Gjesvold For The Register-Guard

The other day, a friend asked me to name the single most important factor in making changes that last. He noted that I've been clean and sober almost 30 years, and I've worked at Serenity Lane for more than 25. Was there a single key to the changes I've experienced, and those of the thousands of people I've seen get into recovery?

It was hard to say. So many factors play a role in this baffling, often heartbreaking disease. Genetics, childhood trauma, temperament, open-mindedness, "hitting bottom" hard enough to consider a new way of living - these are just a few.

My friend was surprised when I said that of all the factors I've seen, the most important seemed to be a willingness to become as honest as we can.

Chemical dependency is, at the heart, a disease of dishonesty. Anyone who has lived with an active alcoholic or addict knows how dishonest we can be. We live lives of denial and delusion, our perspectives warped by fear and self-centeredness. Recovery is really a process of coming back to reality - becoming totally honest with ourselves and others.

For many, that journey begins in a hospital. But you don't have to end up in treatment to see that most unhealthy habits require some level of dishonesty.

"I can keep eating this way and be OK," we might say. Or, "I can put more debt on my credit cards - everyone does it." Or, "It's just another little bet. There's no harm." If we were really truthful, we'd see the need to avoid these behaviors.

But even when we honestly look at our behavior and take steps to change it, we may have to deal with slips. Virtually everyone has them to some extent, from cheating on a New Year's resolution to a full-blown relapse. Honesty is key to moving through them.

Most people don't want anyone to know that these things happened, but it's crucial to be able to say to someone, "I screwed up." Unless we do that, we can't move forward to, "But I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep after it."

If we can't admit the truth, the weight of dishonesty overwhelms us. The change we had hoped for stays out of reach.

In our culture, we like to think of honesty as something simple - yet we know that's often not the case. We've all experienced times when our judgment was clouded by emotion, a desire for an outcome, inexperience, self-sabotage or just plain mistakes.

That's why Serenity Lane, like most treatment centers, helps patients learn techniques for developing honesty. Journaling helps, as it slows our thoughts down enough to actually take a look at how honest we're being. Talking things through with others who are recovering successfully helps, too. They can definitely set us straight.

We also emphasize identifying feelings. Learning to name, listen to and trust this important source of information is essential to becoming ever more honest.

For many people, time in a treatment center is the first time they've ever been truly honest with themselves and the other people in their lives. Defeated by chemical dependency, they come to see how distorted their reality had become.

The honesty they practice forms the foundation for all the successful recovery that will follow. The same is true for all of us trying to make changes that will improve our lives. Honesty is critical.

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the writer. As Serenity Lane's statewide coordinator of employer services, Jerry Gjesvold helps companies create and manage their drug-free workplace policies and programs. More information is available on the Serenity Lane Web site at www.serenitylane.org.

For many people, time in a treatment center is the first time they've ever been truly honest with themselves and the other people in their lives.