Home truths.

Byline: By Graeme Whitfield

How to pull a drop-dead gorgeous lass when you're short and ginger (in seven easy steps).

Step One: Do NOT dye your hair. It may seem like the obvious first move but it is the last thing you should do if, as a little ginger bloke, you want to pull some honey.

Apart from anything else, think of the practicalities: it's all very well giving the hair on your head the Clairol treatment, but are you really going to dye every hair on your body? There's no point trying to disguise it.

Step Two: Celebrate your gingerness. Now that you have accepted you have to pull great looking lasses on your own terms, the key to making them fall in love with a redhead is to love yourself.

Give yourself a nickname that celebrates your auburnity (mine is the Ginger Prince, but anything along those lines will do), constantly tell people how lucky you are to be a redhead and refer to everyone with blond or dark hair as "mousey".

Step Three: NEVER wear a hat. Have pride in your hair colour and let people see it at all times.

Drop dead gorgeous lasses won't fall for blokes who hide their light under a bushel.

Ginger men who wear hats are similar to bald men who do the same: it looks like we've got something to hide.

Step Four: Get funny. All the polls in women's magazines agree on one thing and that is that the first thing women look for in a man is a sense of humour.

I'm not sure I really believe this ( after all, I'm the third funniest man in Western Europe and I never get any. But what the hell: the worst that can happen is that the world gets a few more funny people and that's never a bad thing.

Step Five: Get a thick hide. There's no way around the fact that 99pc of women don't fancy short, ginger blokes.

If you want to get to the 1pc that does, you're going to have to try it on with a lot of chicks and be prepared to be rejected.

You're short and ginger, for God's sake, the only thing you've got on your side is the law of averages.

Step Six: Surround yourself with attractive women. The key to pulling a drop dead gorgeous lass is to suggest that you're already in with someone who's even better looking.

For reasons I've never fully understood, women aren't so much attracted to men as the women they could be replacing.

If you're standing in a bar chatting to a supermodel, you might at least stand a good chance of pulling an actress as she thinks she'll be bettering herself.

Step Seven: Get rich. Get a big car. Become a pop star. Heck, I don't know, I'm running out of answers here. Come on, you're short and ginger: no-one ever said it was gonna be easy.

And if steps 1-7 aren't working, just ignore me and be yourself.

After all, you never know your luck in the big bad city...