Hold the spam, please: screeners a blessing for those who are not junkmail junkies.

You probably know the routine. You are ready to start your day. You fire up your computer and take a sip of coffee to the music of the opening chime. A minute or so later, you click the icon of your e-mail software to collect your messages, then wait and wait some more while you watch the screen and witness the downloading of 67, 92 or (this happened to me recently) 126 messages!

I would be hard pressed to even name 126 people I know who have computers, and most of them only write sporadically. Most of the mall with my address at the top is junk. Some from direct marketers, some from a variety of scam artists, and some looks like outright fraud to me.

Junk mail on the Internet is called spam, named after the infamous tinned-lunch meat with the unfortunate bad reputation left over from the Second World War era when it was a staple of the wartime diet The problem is, e-mail is free (sort of).

The reason there is so little spam actually printed on paper and delivered by Canada Post is that it costs a lot of money.

Paper-based spam is an obvious non starter, while e-mail spammers, with the right software, can send hundreds of thousands of messages to computer users all over the world with a click of a mouse without paying anything more than their monthly Internet service provider (ISP) fee.

Spam is not to be confused with legitimate Internet marketing practices. I get many messages from companies and organizations which previously asked me if I wanted to be on their mailing lists. They also posted privacy notices saying they would not share my name, e-mail address, or any other information I might have volunteered, with any other company. They also include a brief procedure for getting off their mailing list any time I want. I think the entire Internet community believes that is a fair practice.

Spam is generally harmless except for those hapless souls who open, read and respond to the sales pitch. At best, they get bilked. At worst, the message contains a virus that eats their hard drive.

The real problem with spam though is the sheer volume which is beginning to clog the circuits of the Internet, slowing the system noticeably. It also costs ISPs when the garbage jams their servers. ISPs are beginning to react by tracking spammers who use their systems, and taking them out. The home pages of many providers now include warning banners to this effect.

Experts preach some important dos and don'ts when it comes to dealing with spam that is driving you nuts: assume mall from any unknown sender is spam, choose an ISP with a stated anti-spam policy, do not threaten spammers by return e-mail, do not "unsubscribe" from a spammer's list (this tells them your address is a good one and you will probably just get more spam), use a good anti-spam program, be careful when you, give your e-mail address to a listserve system (eBay is probably okay, Fred's GetRichQuick probably is not) and finally, disguise your email address if you make postings to newsgroups.

There are spam filters available for most e-mail software, but they are clunky and require a considerable amount of time and effort to use effectively. A better approach is to use a POP screener which essentially works like this: before you download your e-mail, open the POP screener and have it list all the e-mails in your mailbox while they are still sitting on the server. These little utilities show the true e-mail source of all your letters, the title of the note and the first line or two of the content. You should be able to decide which missives are junk and which-ones come from friends, people you know or business associates. Now you can delete the spam while it is still on your ISP's server, before they ever get to your computer and you.

For both Macintosh and Windows platforms, you could start with the Web site http://download.com and do a search with only the word spam. You will find several offerings in both Windows and Macintosh which are free, easy to download and simple to use.

John Milne is owner, proprietor of All Outdoors Productions in North Bay. [e-mail]