Hearsay.

"I'd like to think I'm not the only boring attorney in Utah."

An anonymous letter-writer in the Utah Bar Journal, who complained about too many judges falling asleep during court hearings and asked for suggestions on how to keep them awake. In a published response, Utah Court of Appeals Judge Gregory Orme suggested that drowsy judges consider more sleep, caffeinated drinks, and medical advice to stay alert.

"My client had absolutely nothing to do with any animal getting a degree from an institution of higher learning."

Lawyer DEAN HENRY of Fostoria, Ohio, protesting a motion to call a police dog named Rocko as an exhibit at an evidence hearing. The opposing lawyer claimed that a drug charge against his client should be dismissed because Henry's client, one of the officers involved in the defendant's arrest, was not legally employed by the police department and had obtained his degree in criminal justice from the same online university that allegedly had also issued a diploma to Rocko.

"I did note for the record that he has a bag on his head."

Memphis, Tennessee, prosecutor TRACYE JONES, about defendant Oji Ngozi's choice of attire during his trial for armed robbery. Ngozi--concerned that a victim would identify him as the assailant--covered his head with a shopping bag. Although courtroom rules prohibit headgear, the judge allowed Ngozi--and his bag--to stay.

"If it brings notice to people that they should be stopping for school buses, I don't mind the notoriety."

Police Chief RICHARD KNOEBEL of Kewaskum, Wisconsin, who wrote himself a $235 ticket after driving past a stopped school bus that had its emergency lights flashing. Knoebel, who said he didn't realize he'd passed the bus until it was too late, also added four points to his driving record and paid the fine the next day.

--From newspaper and wire reports