Hearsay.

"It's New York City. It's rush hour. It's not the time to be jumping off buildings."

TIMOTHY DONOHUE, a security official for the Empire State Building, commenting on a stunt by notorious daredevil Jeb Ray Corliss IV, who had announced his intention to parachute from the New York landmark. Although Corliss, 30, showed up heavily disguised in a fat suit and wig, security officers recognized him and alerted police officers, who arrested the foiled jumper.

"I want a raise."

How the clerk at a Burlington, Wisconsin, convenience store responded when would-be thief Billy Babe told her, "I want cash." Babe, who walked into the Open Pantry store at around 4 a.m., told the clerk he was robbing her and repeated his request several times, but she refused to take him seriously. When she finally called the police, Babe fled (he was arrested later). The clerk told police she was used to seeing intoxicated people in the store saying crazy things.

"A dollar will get you a bag of doughnuts--these guys will be back."

Orem, Utah, Police Lieutenant DOUG EDWARDS, surveying the damage wrought by two vandals who shot at cars and streedights. Edwards was right: Only half an hour after police officers arrived, 19-year-old Gregory Sonnenberg and his brother James returned "to admire their handiwork" and were arrested and jailed.

"Yesterday, I walk into a salon, and a young lady made mention to me I was the person that shot myself."

LEE PAIGE, a 14-year veteran of the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), who accidentally shot himself in the foot while making a presentation on gun safety to a group of children in Orlando, Florida. Paige is suing the DEA, claiming that the agency leaked a videotape of the accident that has appeared on television and the Internet and made Paige the butt of relentless jokes.

--From newspaper and wire reports