Have a go!

I ALMOST HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN before this trip even started. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but living out of a duffel bag for eight out of 12 months this last year had taken its toll on my physical (and especially mental) well-being. My room in San Diego is nothing but boxes, tour schedules, receipts, and a bed I never sleep in. How was I going to explain "I can't go on tour again; I still want my job, but I need to go mental institution for awhile first"? See, everyone thinks life on the road is a cakewalk and we have these plush jobs where you get to sight-see in new countries and live it up on the beach all day drinking Mai Tais. This is definitely not the case on demo tours, and the Osiris Southern Hemi Tour was a rip-riding, lion-spotting, sleepless adventure.

AFTER TOUR BURNOUT SETS IN (about two weeks), you can't feel your legs, you've had 10 hours of sleep a week, you have no idea what time it is, what day it is or what city you're in. Reason being you have now entered the Tour Vortex. This is where it all turns into that same skatepark and the same hotel lobby. Once in the Vortex you have little or no need for real sleep food, or location information. All you can do is enjoy the ride and hope you make it out of the Vortex in one piece some day. Occasionally some hurman form will hand you a burger or tell you "You're in Melhourne," and by day 20, all you can do is give them a hazy nod back. After all, you've got another demo in half an hour.

Long term health risks associated with the Tour Vortex you ask? Oh yes, "Post Tour Traumatic Strees Syndrome." I wake up sweating in the middle of the might screaming things like, 'Where the hell did Chany go?! OUr schedule says on demo today, not three! do you mean you lost your plane ticket? I' And I' don't care if you're puking right now, meet at the van in 15 minutes!'s

CANCELING MYSELF from my own trip was not going to be easy. Besides, how would the team feel about the TM losing his marbles before a big road trip? About two weeks before the tirp and after about 30 panic attacks. I decided the nervous breakdown was unacceptable. I just simply wasn't going to allow myself ot pull skateboarding's version of a Mariah Carey, I had to dig deep and pull it together. Especially with the economic shakedown going on, it was time for me to quit my bitchin' and hit the damn road again.

It's good thing I cam around, 'cause that''s when the excitement began to build up... I had never skated any of the crazy Australian or New Zeland cement I'd seen in the mag! Not to menton the crazy snake run in Johannesburg! I'm not gonna lie, I know I'm the TM and all, but the cement parks are what sparked my motivation for the trip. Not many on our tour shared Bryce's and my passion for these cement forms, but the few that were charged on these spots had a blast in them. It baffles me when skaters look at perfect cement and don't even want to roll on it; isn't rolling the funnest part of skating? How could someone not want to carve, grind, and ollie? Perhaps they don't view this type of skating career-driven enough for their serious agenda. Maybe perfect cement bowls are only roadblocks in the way of that switch heel down 10 they've been obsessing about.

Anyway, the crewconsisted of Louie Barletta, Jerry Hsu, Ali Boulala, Pierre Luc Gagnon for the last filming leg in Melboune, Kanten Russell, Dyian Rieder, Chris Dobstaff. James Brockman. Josh Kasper, Casey Rigney, and flow rider Andre Genevosi along with Shakus and Jimmy Kappel as video dudes and Bryce Kanights behind the shutter. Out first leg of the tour was in Australia, where Ali Boulala had been filming with Spawn for a few weeks before we arrived. Our favorite Austrialian saying had become "Have Go!" This was our answer to everything and we definitely had a go, maybe even three or four: Everyone tells the stories about Australia, the spots the parties, the girls--our expectations were met and then some. We fiew into Sydney and had the good old unscheduled demo one day after arriving. Every team loves these "Hmm.. look over there... that's weird there's 500 kids waiting to see you guys skate. I wonder how that happened?" But everyone skated really well for being jet-lagged so it all worked out. You've gotta pay for these flights and hotels somehow. Bondi Beach was amazing; why doesn't every beach have a mini-ramp? After our last Sydney stop it was a 10-hour drive to Melbourne for a demo the next day. Sounds easy right? Well, it could be if you remember ot check your oil. Our distributor dound this lesson out the hard way and blew his unlubed engine in the middle of the desert on one of the hottest days on record. If you're planning this journey, unless you've got the time and means to his some parks on the way, do yourself a favor and cough up the extra hundred bucks for the one-hour flight.

After the desert breakdown we arrived in the city of Melbourne. It ranks with San Francisco as one of the best cities in the world. The sport are great and not to much of a bust, there are great parks in and around town, the people are cool, etc. etc. Just go there Now I know why American pros disappear in Australia. Actually, I'll just go ahead and tell you it sucks so we can go back again instead of you, Don't go there.

New Zealand was a whirlwind, I'm not even sure what to write about ths leg, other than it was all on the go. Two demos in four days, and another cross-country drive to endure. While in the Auckland area, we managed to skate the Lynnfield bowl with Andrew Morrison. Remember him from New Deal? Well, even if you don't he still rips. Soon after, our crew was packed into the small confines fo two mini-vans for a day trip south to Wellington. With Louis and All on the trip we were officially travelling with two of the funniest people in skateboarding, and this made the drive go by much quicker Never underestimate the power of comic relief my friends! On the road we made a park stop at Taupo, which broke up the drive perfectly. We arrived in Wellington late in the night and woke the next morning to show up a little late to a demo inside a hockey arena. When we walked in you could hear a pin drop--the kiddles were completely silent. No one wanted to start skating while getting madedogged but Brockman and Louie jimped on the grenade, and pretty soon it turned into a damn good demo, phew... It was also Boulala's first real demo fothe trip, and kids were really amped to see their hero in person. Good times, good times had by all. Two countries down, one to go.

By now the talks of war had begun to head up and some of us were getting nervous. South Africa isn't exactly the most politicallys table place to be when a war breaks out. Besides, no one was sure what to expect. You hear the stories. "Be carful," "You better get shots," "You might get shot!," and even "Don't go there!" All was spooked to the point of saying he wasn't going to go to South Africa under any circumstances. But after a little coaxing and his relization that it may be the experience of a lifetime, we were all on a plane.

We were greeted in Johnnesburg by the guys from Boogaloos and the local magazines, who carried our luggage out in a routine fashion. Next thing you know we were all rushed by locals trying to carry our luggage, tell us stories, be our guide, even get in out van, each hustling for "Just a coin, a dollar, anything!" It was a little intense and everyone was already getting freaked out.

We checked in to the hotel, which wasin a sort of gated community connected to the mall where our demo was, and then drove through town to the huge snake run bowl. While in route we got to see the shantly villages many of the poor South Africans live in set against the gated communities of the wealthy, In one of the downtown areas a bunch of locals rushed our car and started screaming and chanting--meanwhile, we were holding up thousands fo dollars in camera equipment, filming like lame tourists and looking like complete idiots. Let's just say it's the closet we've all ever come to being car-jacked, and leave it at that. By this time soem off us are shaking in our boots and wondering if we had made the right choice.

From the hotel we went immediately to the Germiston Bowl, which is like a 20-year old sick snake run into a nine-foot bowl. The session brightened up our mood and calmed everyone's nerves. It's great how skating can do that--you almost get car jacked and completely forget about it 15 minutes later.

I don't like writing abut demos so I'll keep the demo talk short--the South Africa tour had the biggest turnout I've ever seen in my 23 yars of skateboarding. One day we were flown in an hour before the demo and had to be escorted by "bodyguards?" into a sea of 5,000 screaming kids. Before the demo we had a "press conference?!" with the local news and television reporters as if we were Bon Jovi or something; very strange. Can you picture All Boulala, Jerry Hsu, and Louie Barletta at a table with name tage answering questions like, "So, what exactly do you do to get the crowd hyped?" Didn't think so.

In the end the boys put on a good show and the kids were really psyched. Tour burnout had really setin by this point, but everyone wanted to give it their best. They don't get to see pros much in South Africa (it's like a 24-hour flight away) and when they do, they lose it. Plus the guys at Boogaloos treated us like kings and everyone was really happy we had come to South Africa by this time.

Cape Town is a really beautiful ebach town and the US dollar goes a long way; I highly recommend a trip there. After our Cape town demo we flew back to Johannesburg and drove out ot the bush, where we stayed on a ranch in Magaliesberg which had belonged to the first president of the region. This ara is one of the oldest mountain ranges in the world and it's where the oldest human skull was discoverd.

After our last demo of the trip, we had our only real day off of the entire tour and everyone was excited for the African safari tour in the bush--especially Ali, who thought he was going to be able to chill and smoke out with lions and ride giraffes. Needless to say, Ali was very disappointed when he was told we culd not exit the open-air safari jeep. By this time he had downed a bottle of Kahlua and wanted to jump out of the bus at any cost. His argumentwas that since the signed a release form for the tour, he should be allowed to get eaten at his own risk. The tour guide was screaming "Why do you want to die Ali?" and Ali was screaming back "I want ot be chased by a rhino and chill with the lions!" The whole experience was hilarious and insane. We saw some cool animals, and Ali jumped out and pissed next to some monkey, and then passed out on the west and muddy floor of the jeep in a symbol of finality.

That was it, the Southern Hemi Tour was officially over! In the end, I was glad that I had overcome my tour stress-induced nervous breakdown and had hte opportunity to experience and see all these crazy places on the other side of the dang globe. Definitely the tirp of a life-time. It seems we always start off doubting, but the majority of the time you manage to surprise yourself and pull off your dreams, look back at your fears, and crack a smile.