HUSBAND'S MEMORY FADING, NOT LOVE.

Byline: DENNIS McCARTHY 

Al may not remember her name or recognize her voice any more, but she knows he still loves her, Margaret says. Alzheimer's has stolen a lot from them over the past 13 years, but it hasn't stolen that.

The doctors and nurses at the Alzheimer's Disease Center at the University of California, Los Angeles, say they've seen many love stories over the years, but none more touching than the love story of Margaret and Al Hampton, who live in the San Fernando Valley.

``It stands out because of the incredible devotion of this woman and her extraordinary ability to recognize the delicate balance involved when someone you love with Alzheimer's is withdrawing from you,'' said Dr. Andrew Gustavson, a neurologist at the center.

You have to let the loved one go, the doctor says - but not too quickly and not too soon. You fight to keep your beloved with you - active and vital in your life - wherever you go, for as long as you can.

And no one, the staff here says, has fought any harder than Margaret Hampton.

``She's been invaluable to me, keeping meticulous records and logs, and knowing exactly what's going on with Al at all times,'' Gustavson said. ``She makes sure he is part of everything and is committed to fighting the stigma many people attach to Alzheimer's.''

Sure, she has her dark days, but Margaret always comes back stronger and more determined than ever, says nurse Michele Carter, who has worked with the couple for more than five years.

``She has this wonderful ability to communicate with Al, even though he can't verbalize his feelings,'' she said.

``Sometimes all the nurses would start giggling when we saw them coming down the hallway because Margaret was running Al ragged, making sure she kept him busy and active doing things with her.

``It was a 'poor Al' giggle, but not really poor Al, if you know what I mean,'' she said. ``There was no pity there, only love.''

Alzheimer's still hasn't been able to steal that.

They met in the Young Republicans Club in Los Angeles in 1959, ringing doorbells for Richard Nixon and other GOP candidates.

``I was just starting out as a fashion designer, and Al was a young lawyer,'' Margaret said. ``We dated on and off, broke up for a while as we pursued our careers, then got back together and married in 1965.''

They moved to the Valley, and Margaret gave up her career to stay home and raise two sons while Al started a successful law practice.

Then, about 13 years ago, Al began having memory problems.

``We decided not to hide it from our friends,'' Margaret said. ``We felt not hiding it was going to take a lot of stress off of us, and it did.''

But not necessarily off the friends. As Al's Alzheimer's got worse, many of them stopped calling.

``There was a social abandonment,'' Margaret said. ``A lot of them felt uncomfortable because they didn't know how to treat him. Some just drifted away. Others passed away or moved on.

``By talking about it openly with Al, it made it easier to face what was going on. The day he told me he was giving up his driver's license, I cried. But I knew it was good that he made that decision.

``I'd say to him: Al, don't ever leave me; I want you always to be my knight in shining armor. I wanted him to know that I needed his support, but I also knew the day would come when I wouldn't get it.''

At night, after she put Al to bed, Margaret stayed up until 2 a.m., searching the Internet for everything she could find about Alzheimer's. She kept logs of the couple's activities together for the doctors. She went to medical conferences.

``I basically took Alzheimer's 101,'' she said this week, returning home from volunteering at the Assistance League of the San Fernando Valley.

She has full-time nursing care for Al now because his Alzheimer's has worsened, and she knows the statistics on caretaker burnout.

Knows how the spouse - the rock an Alzheimer's patient leans on for support - can crumble if it isn't given a chance to go on with its own life, too.

``They wind up spending so much time caring for a loved one that their own lives fall apart, and they can develop clinical depression,'' Gustavson said.

``It's very important for people to become knowledgeable about the illness, like Margaret has with Al.''

It's part of that delicate balance, the doctor says. Part of the best love story to walk down the hallways of the UCLA Alzheimer's Disease Center.

For more information on care-giving, call the Los Angeles Alzheimer's Association at [phone], or go online to www.alzla.org. The UCLA Alzheimer's Disease Center can be reached at [phone] or online at www.adc.ucla.edu.

Dennis McCarthy, [phone]

dennis.mccarthy(at)dailynews.com

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Al Hampton, who announced to friends 13 years that he has Alzheimer's disease, is still a knight in shining armor to his wife, Margaret.