HUNT FOR PERFECT COMMUTER CAR TURNS CREATIVE.

Byline: DANA BARTHOLOMEW Staff Writer

In the quagmire of L.A. freeways, the perfect commuter car might be a rolling pillbox equipped with a howitzer, battering ram, quadruple-truck horns and an overstuffed couch for comfort.

But while blowing sluggish drivers off the road might make for the ultimate commute, it would probably require all the oil from the North Slope and end in a daily trek from the day room to the prison yard.

A Daily News hunt through the Los Angeles Auto Show found the world far behind in designing autos capable of handling phlegmatic commutes along the 405 Freeway.

For where were cars that could transform into motorcycles able to split lanes at the start of rush hour?

Or cars that could morph into emergency vehicles as soon as traffic lurched to a stop, enabling drivers to scoot past on the shoulder?

Or cars that could turn invisible well into an infamous televised L.A. car chase?

For L.A.'s ``Falling Down'' road rage, there were no cars that wire into the temporal lobes for instant anger-management alerts on the navigational information screen.

If anything comes close to matching the need for practicality while camped during one of L.A.'s infamous jams, it would be the Suzuki Basecamp concept sport utility vehicle. This SUV not only has a picnic table and tent, it is fully wired for the Internet for instant No.1 lane office work.

The deal maker, if such a car were built: the Gerber hatchet and jackknife inlaid into the left rear quarter panel.

``It would be nice actually,'' said Michelle, a Suzuki product specialist who lives in Los Angeles and knows the dangers that lurk within. ``I just broke down and had all sorts of weird people coming up to me in L.A.''

Another winner might be the Hummer VFF ``First Respond-

er,'' a red-and-black SUV with a fire department logo and flashing red lights sold only as ``a hot deal for firefighters'' (who each get a $1,000 credit card from General Motors.)

For a free ticket onto the shoulder, this vehicle is king.

``Do you have someone in the family who is a firefighter?'' asked Victoria, a GM rep. ``You could license it and finance it (in his name), and get driving.''

Nowhere in the nation do people love their cars more than in Los Angeles. And for the commuter hoping to win points in Hollywood, what could be better for landing that movie deal than a jet-black Bentley Continental GTC?

Or what would show off your bling better than a glowing bronze Chrysler Imperial concept commuter, with suicide doors and a top speed of 160 mph?

But for most L.A. commuters, such speeds are attainable only while racing toward that graveyard shift. The rest of us can only hope for enough instant grunt to steal 10feet of concrete while cutting off the driver in the next lane.

As for cutting drivers off, do it in style. Who needs to use blinkers in a Maserati Quattroporte Sport GT, whose diagonal slash tail lenses are arguably the best-looking tail lights in the business? At $118,000, the babe factor is priceless.

For those who just cashed in on the real estate boom, the Corvette Z06 might make the best cut-and-lunge vehicle. And with 505 horses on tap, it still gets 26 miles per gallon if it could ever hit highway speeds.

``Actually, it's the fastest car in the parking lot, or 198mph on the track,'' one GM rep said.

For most commuters, however, such cars are out of the question. All one can hope for is a low-cost car with decent economy and enough storage to plant that bassoon for after-work jam sessions.

Countless hatchbacks from most automakers get nearly 40 mpg. The $15,000 Hyundai Accent gets 28 city and 37 highway mpg and comes with a 10-year powertrain warranty. The Ford Focus gets 27/37 mpg.

The Toyota Yaris, at a measly $11,000, gets 34/39 mpg. Trouble is, would any self-respecting car enthusiast be seen in one?

``As a guy, I think it's too feminine,'' said Peter Lee, 25, sitting inside a narrow Yaris. ``If I drive this car around, I'll likely be pushed around by cars and trucks.''

Russell Lynch, who drives 30miles each way from Redondo Beach to his job in Hollywood, compiled a list of dozens of such commuters. Finally, he settled on a Toyota Prius hybrid listing for $29,000, whose advertised 60/51 city-highway economy belied a real-traffic 46mpg. Only he balked at its cockroach styling.

``It's got the best miles, storage and a fair price -- but the style is not any good,'' he said.

Those hoping for the ideal commuter, unfortunately, may have to wait for the next L.A. Auto Show, which is expected to debut a range of low-cost, clean-burning diesels not sold in the United States until 2008.

Such cars, such as the Volkswagen TDI, not only deliver stump-pulling torque, they also get about 50 mpg and nearly 800 miles to the tank.

Until then, they may have to settle for the Hummer ``First Responder.'' For if time is money, what better to arrive at work driving on the shoulder -- the fastest lane of all.

dana.bartholomew(at)dailynews.com

[phone]

L.A. Auto Show

When: Today through Sunday

Where: Convention Center, 1201 S. Figueroa St.

Hours: Monday through Thursday, 11 a.m. - 10 p.m.; Friday, 11 a.m. - 10:30 p.m.; Saturday, 9 a.m. - 10 p.m.; Sunday, 9 a.m. - 8 p.m.

CAPTION(S):

3 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- color) One of Daily News reporter Dana Bartholomew's favorite commuter cars at the L.A. Auto Show is the Hummer VFF ``First Responder,'' sold only as ``a hot deal for firefighters.''

(2) Lizbeth Pilar of L.A. and Manuel Velasquez of Arleta sit in a Volkswagon 2007 NBC Triple White at the L.A. Auto Show on Friday. The NBC is for New Beetle Convertible. The show offered creative designs for drivers in search of autos capable of handling commutes along the 405.

(3) The Suzuki Basecamp concept SUV, on display at the Convention Center's L.A. Auto Show, has a picnic table and tent, is fully wired for the Internet, and is inlayed with a hatchet and jack-knife on the side of the car for those tight situations.

Michael Owen Baker/Staff Photographer

Box:

L.A. Auto Show (see text)