HONEY, I SHRUNK MY WALLET.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Which doghouse would Antonio Davis rather stay in?

If he doesn't venture up a few aisles and pay a neighborly visit to his finger-waving wife who seems to be getting in the face of some Chicago Bulls fan for whatever reason, then the New York Knicks forward looks like he doesn't care, right? And you know he's gonna hear about that when he gets home, right again?

But doesn't he know better than to cross that line and maybe provoke some numbskull from coming out of nowhere and start another ugly beer-throwin', fist-swingin', chair-tossin' brouhaha that could set the NBA and its Rent-A-Cop protection agency back another 30 years?

Is the Davis family showing even less business skills by not issuing an apology to this lawsuit-threatening fan, or are they trying to turn this into another drag-'em-out soap opera? How will the NBA stand on that?

Now that the suspension and fine has been figured out, how does Big Tony tell Lil' Kendra that she'll have about $1 mil less to spend on her next shopping spree, just because she couldn't sit still and watch the freakin' game?

-- How about a straight-up, crowd-pleasing swap: Davis forRon Artest?

-- With or without Cuba, does the World Baseball Whatever-It's-Called have the juice to make anyone really, truly care, no matter what team A-Rod decides to play (or not to play) for?

-- If the new trend in the NFL is to throw caution to the wind and let anyone without previous experience become a head coach, does that mean they'll finally leave tired, old Pete Carroll alone?

-- Why did Matt Millen even bother hiring a new coach when all he'll be doing is taking up a spot at the Detroit unemployment line in about, oh, a couple of weeks?

-- Have you heard that Vic ``The Brick'' Jacobs is taking credit for the Shaq-n-Kobe Kiss-Cam moment before Monday's game?

-- Why didn't Theo Epstein just take his ball and go home when he had the chance?

-- What in the name of Paul LoDuca do the Dodgers need with Bengie Molina?

-- Has anyone decided they need Mike Piazza on the payroll yet?

-- What are the chances of Edwin Jackson becoming a 20-game winner in Tampa Bay? What are the chances of Tampa Bay winning 20 games?

-- Did you know Amazon.com still sells the Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express for $38.95, and it ranks only No. 14,728 among its kitchen and housewares items?

-- Have you seen not-so-shabby Gabby Reece and always-hard Angie Everhart in the Burt Reynolds beach volleyball flick ``Cloud 9''?If not, did you know it's out in DVD now? Does it matter to you that one of the critiques of the movie on RottonTomatoes.com says that this `` 'comedy' ... has just as many laughs as a gall-bladder operation.''?

-- What are we supposed to do without a daily heapin' helpin' of ``ESPN Hollywood''?