HEY, WHERE'S THE REMOTE CONTROL?; PRACTICE YOUR CHANNEL SURFING TECHNIQUE - WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS, NEW SEASON A WIPEOUT.

Byline: Keith Marder Daily News Television Writer

Get ready for sensory overload, mass confusion and a lot of bad television.

By the end of the month, most of the 36 new series for the 1997-98 television series will have debuted, and chances are you won't be counting the days to episode No. 2. This is far from a record. The networks launched more than 40 new shows in each of the past two seasons. And every year, without fail, most are canceled before Americans break their first New Year's resolution.

Increased competition, changes in network television practices and mediocre shows have made it nearly impossible to launch an instant hit. Sure there are exceptions, but they are rare. The last show that started out as a breakout was ``ER'' in 1994.

Since then, shows such as ``The Drew Carey Show'' have had to be nurtured, pick up momentum and often wait until their second season to catch on. The only instant hits since ``ER'' have been midseason replacement shows, which do not have as much competition and often start in a great time slot, such as Fox's ``King of the Hill'' and ABC's ``Soul Man.''

There are many reasons that add up to misses outnumbering hits the way the Lilliputians outnumbered Gulliver: too many new shows launch at once; too many channels; not enough writers; too few distinctive new shows; and, lastly, it takes a hit to launch a hit.

The glut remains the same

This time of year, viewers are beseiged by promotional blitzes and a glut of shows that are often hard to tell apart. At the same time, so many of the shows they're familiar with have been abruptly thrown into new time slots that the schedule should come with a decoder ring.

``It's very difficult for a viewer to get through all the clutter,'' said William P. Croasdale, president of the national broadcasting division of Western International Media, a media buying agency.

This season, there will be 62 sitcoms on the six broadcast networks - few of them distinctive. Given the genre's rather rigid format, it's no wonder that television proved that cloning was possible long before the sheep was duplicated. The names even often sound alike: ``Fired Up'' and ``Just Shoot Me''; ``Nothing Sacred'' and ``Soul Man''; ``George & Leo'' and ``Malcolm & Eddie''; ``Over the Top'' and ``Head Over Heels''; ``Hiller & Diller'' and ``Dharma & Greg'' (not to be confused with ``The Gregory Hines Show'').

``I think when you look at the slew of sitcoms, television has devoured itself,'' Croasdale said. ``The first year after `The Cosby Show,' every network was looking for a black sitcom. After `ER' and `Friends' debuted, the word in the industry was, `Find me the next `ER' and `Friends.' Television feeds on itself in that respect.''

The more television changes, the more it seems to remain the same.

``It's hard to launch a hit because people are getting tired of the same old thing,'' said Robert Thompson, professor of television and director of the study of popular culture at Syracuse University's Newhouse School of Journalism. ``Television has been around most people for their entire lives and it's getting to be an old, stodgy medium.''

There's a financial reason all of the shows are interchangable. The advertising engines behind each network want every program to lure the same group: 18- to 49-year-olds, who are most likely to have discretionary income and are willing to spend accordingly.

``The sales departments are demanding more and more shows aimed at the same audience,'' said former ABC entertainment president Ted Harbert, who now is a development executive for DreamWorks. ``They end up looking and sounding similar to the others.''

Hits are a remote possibility

The explosion of choices available to television viewers - via new networks, cable and satellite systems - has effectively shortened attention spans and diluted product quality, neither of which helps TV moguls striving to craft a hit.

In 1996, 72.7 million homes (or 73 percent of households in the country) had either cable or a satellite system, according to Nielsen Media Research. That compares to only 59.7 million households (or 62 percent of the country) in 1994. Similarly, the average home had 45.1 channels to choose from in 1996, up from 40.4 channels only two years earlier.

Hollywood can barely keep pace with the massive expansion of outlets for their products. Behind-the-camera talent has been spread thin. Writers from popular shows are thrust into the position of executive producer and creator before they're ready, network executives say.

``The basic law of economics is that more and more product diminishes the product over time,'' Harbert said. ``There aren't as many top producers to keep the shows going.''

Then, it follows, that if a show falters a bit, the remote control (providing it's not hiding in the sofa cushions) is ready for action.

``If you look over the schedule, there are 120 programs on six networks. That doesn't even count all the syndicated programs and cable,'' said Steve Sternberg, senior partner at BJK&E, a New York ad buying firm. ``It takes viewers longer to even find a show, let alone start watching it. I think overall there are just as many good shows and bad shows as there have ever been. The thing is, now people don't have to watch a bad show.''

Technological improvements to that entertaining little piece of furniture have nearly eliminated the word ``loyalty'' from the vocabulary of television viewers.

``The patterns of viewing have changed,'' said ABC entertainment president Jamie Tarses. ``People will really turn the channel after two or three minutes. Only the loyal audience sees a show seven or eight times a year.''

Those are the lucky ones. Most shows apparently don't enjoy even a core of people who tune into one-third of its episodes.

Where have all the lead-ins gone?

For all the talk about good writing and good acting, even a well-done show in those respects doesn't make for a guaranteed hit. Many shows endorsed by critics and a group called Viewers for Quality Television, including ``EZ Streets,'' ``Murder One'' and ``My So-Called Life,'' were short-lived.

``On the one hand, there's the show, and on the other hand, there's the time period,'' said Preston Beckman, NBC's senior vice president of program planning and scheduling. ``Nirvana is a great show in a great time period.''

He pointed out examples such as ``Home Improvement,'' ``Roseanne,'' ``Frasier'' and ``L.A. Law'' that had the combination of being viewer-friendly and easy to find based on their lead-in.

``Frasier'' was so successful building an audience when nestled between ``Seinfeld'' and ``L.A. Law'' that NBC was able to move the show to Tuesday nights, where it valiantly fought off the dominant ``Home Improvement.''

Since then, NBC has, as Beckman puts it, ``a one-year lease policy Thursdays at 9:30.''

Shows are put in that sweet spot for one season, then sent off to see if they will fly on their own. The last four graduates - ``Caroline in the City,'' ``Suddenly Susan,'' ``The Naked Truth'' and ``Fired Up'' - are now the first two hours of NBC's Monday lineup.

This year's tenant will be ``Veronica's Closet,'' starring Kirstie Alley. It is, by all accounts, this year's best shot at a bona fide hit. It is a good show and millions and millions of televisions will be tuned to it at the start.

But, good time periods are dwindling. That, compounded by the fact that television has become so crowded, has made it nearly impossible for any new show to stand out.

NBC and CBS have cut into ABC's Tuesday and Wednesday night dominance during the past three seasons. CBS is taking a run at ABC's Friday night dynasty this year, and NBC is gunning for CBS on Monday nights.

``Hits beget hits,'' Beckman said. ``That's why a `Seinfeld' is so precious and a `Frasier' is so precious.''

Each network does have its time period that is most likely to launch a hit. CBS is moving ``Chicago Hope'' to Wednesdays to accommodate one of its greatest shots at a winner, ``Brooklyn South.''

ABC is giving one of its best slots - between ``Home Improvement'' and ``NYPD Blue'' - to new sitcom ``Hiller & Diller.''

``You can produce the best show in the world, but if no one sees it, it's not going to matter,'' said Kelly Kahl, CBS' vice president of programming planning and scheduling. ``I think the key is a quality show with a lot of support in the right time slot.''

Then, again, if it were as simple as that, television would be full of nothing but hits. Ultimately, viewers - with their fickle fingers on the remote control - will decide if the industry has produced anything worth watching this year.

``Everyone will be scratching their heads until someone does,'' Kahl said. ``Then everyone will emulate it for the next two or three years.''

CAPTION(S):

4 Photos

Photo: (1--color) Calista Flockhart, right, is the title character in ``Ally McBeal,'' Fox's lawyer-based comedy-drama.

(2--color) Judd Hirsch, left, and Bob Newhart star in ``George & Leo,'' a sitcom about a bookstore owner and an ex-mobster. It airs Monday nights on CBS.

(3) ``Nothing Sacred'' is ABC's hourlong drama about an unconventional young priest, played by Kevin Anderson, third from right.

(4--color) ``ER'' will kick off the new season with an unprecedented live show.