HELP!Dear Carol, All my friends are concerned about their weight, and they are on diets and even lifting weights. The thing is, they are not fat. Should I lift weights and diet like my friends? I think I look OK. Confused Dear Confused, Three cheers for not obsessing over your changing body. While some girls are truly overweight and should be commended for trying to take care of themselves, too many others are fit and fine but become compulsive about inches and pounds. Yes, you want to look and feel good, but it is a brain drain brain drain n. The loss of skilled intellectual and technical labor through the movement of such labor to more favorable geographic, economic, or professional environments. to spend too much time checking the scale and counting calories. Some diets are downright dangerous. Avoid junk food junk food n. Any of various prepackaged snack foods high in calories but low in nutritional value. junk food and double desserts--but avoid fad diets, too. Exercise in moderation is cool--Rollerblading, ice skating ice skating, gliding along an ice surface on keellike runners known as ice skates. Skating as a Sport Skating, besides being an important form of winter recreation and the essential skill in the game of ice hockey (see hockey, ice) has developed , school sports. Still interested in learning more about weightlifting? Talk to your gym teacher or coach. Dear Carol, My mom says I'm abnormal and evil because I call my two stepsisters names (very destructive names)! I call the young one "fat" and the other one "ugly." Am I a weirdo, or is this normal? Please help. I despise my sisters! Hateful and Hopeful Dear Hopeful, You're not weird, and name-calling is not uncommon. But calling someone "fat" or "ugly" is indeed destructive, not to mention childish. In fact, I'm sorry your mom She goes to the gym. has been calling you awful names. Can you end this pattern? Since you're stuck with your stepsisters, it's time It's Time was a successful political campaign run by the Australian Labor Party (ALP) under Gough Whitlam at the 1972 election in Australia. Campaigning on the perceived need for change after 23 years of conservative (Liberal Party of Australia) government, Labor put forward a to alter your tone and tolerate them. What would happen if, instead of being mean, you said, "Let's watch a video," or, "That shirt looks cute"? I bet your sisters would act nicer. Even if you can't talk to your mom or stepsisters about the challenges of stepfamilies, nixing the name-calling would be a move in the right direction. Dear Carol, I like this boy who doesn't even know me. How can I get him to ask me out? In a Hurry Dear In a Hurry, Before worrying about getting him to ask you out, get to know him and get him to notice you. Smile at him. Let him catch you glancing his way. Say "hi." Introduce yourself. Start a conversation. Compliment him. Look into his eyes. Once he notices you, give him time to figure out how he feels and whether he wants to do anything about it. Many boys do not like to go public with private feelings. If things do spark, it's smart to take your time. Romance is not a race, and girls who are in too much of a hurry can get hurt. If, for example, you kiss a boy before you two care for and trust each other, he may tell everyone about it rather than taking the kiss as seriously as you do. Dear Carol, I am made fun of by boys because I am flat-chested. I think this is stupid because it doesn't matter how big of a chest you have. Does eating grapefruit really make your chest grow bigger? Too Flat Dear Flat, Putting grapefruit inside a bra might make some difference, but I for one do not recommend this technique. Be patient. You're still growing, and those moronic mo·ron n. 1. A stupid person; a dolt. 2. Psychology A person of mild mental retardation having a mental age of from 7 to 12 years and generally having communication and social skills enabling some degree of academic or boys will also grow up eventually. As for your question, grapefruit is good for you but has zero impact on the size of your chest. And you're right--chest size does not matter! Dear Carol, I'm a computer/videogame/TV junkie junkie Popular health A popular term for a person, usually an IV narcotic abusing addict, whose life is disorganized vis-á-vis family and societal structure, whose existence revolves around obtaining–often through theft, prostitution or other illicit . Every time I go on the computer, I become a zombie A computer that has been covertly taken over in order to perform some nefarious task. It is estimated that millions of PCs around the world have been compromised and, under the control of a third party, routinely transmit messages unbeknownst to the user. . I shut out my parents and friends, and they get really angry when they have to pull me off the computer screen to talk. I want to save up for a Playstation or Nintendo 64, but I know my parents will find me glued to the screen 24/7. I really want to get over this bad habit bad habit Unhealthy habit Clinical medicine A patterned behavior regarded as detrimental to physical or mental health, which is often linked to a lack of self-control. Cf Good habit. . Game Zombie Dear Zombie, Since you know you're too glued to the tube, forget your pursuit of Playstation or N64. It's easier to resist purchasing it than to resist turning it on each day. When friends are over, keep the computer and TV off--at least for the first hour or two. Do homework or bake pumpkin muffins or take a walk or play a board game. You can hardly blame a friend for being offended if you ask her over and then shut her out. Can you tell yourself you won't turn on the TV or computer until a particular hour? Can you reward yourself for trying to break what is indeed a bad habit? When your hand goes for the button, can you turn around and do something else instead--at least sometimes? Answer: Yes, you can! (P.S. You're not alone. Lots of girls--and adults--spend too much time staring at screens.) Dear Carol, I'm 13 and, ever since I can remember, my mom has been bulimic bu·li·mi·a n. 1. An eating disorder, common especially among young women of normal or nearly normal weight, that is characterized by episodic binge eating and followed by feelings of guilt, depression, and self-condemnation. . She eats a lot and then takes a laxative laxative, drug or other substance used to stimulate the action of the intestines in eliminating waste from the body. The term laxative usually refers to a mild-acting substance; substances of increasingly drastic action are known as cathartics, purgatives, or vomits. She thinks I don't know Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. . I've heard people can get sick and die from this. I don't know who to talk to about this, and I'm really worried. Please help me! Scared for Mom Dear Scared, First, the good news: People don't die from bulimia bulimia: see eating disorders. . Anorexia, another eating disorder eat·ing disorder n. Any of several patterns of severely disturbed eating behavior, especially anorexia nervosa and bulimia, seen mainly in female teenagers and young women. , can be fatal because anorexics sometimes literally starve themselves to death. Bulimia--eating and then purging the food--can certainly damage the body, (even teeth), but it does not kill. Now, the bad news: Bulimia is unhealthy and a very hard habit to break. Talk to your dad or grandparents grandparents npl → abuelos mpl grandparents grand npl → grands-parents mpl grandparents grand npl or aunts or uncles about how to help your mom recover. Check out www.aabainc.org. Tell your mom you love her and want to be there for her. Show her this page. Encourage her to try to see a specialist or join a support group. You can't fix your mom on your own, but you can talk to adults who love her and can help her. Finally, keep taking care of yourself. Good luck. Dear Carol, I'm really bossy bossy 1. in dog conformation, used to describe overdevelopment of the shoulder muscles. 2. vernacular pet name for a cow. . I'm so bossy my friends' parents talk about me. I don't mean to be. I'm afraid if I keep it up, I'll lose all my friends. Unexplainably Bossy Dear Bossy, Oh, dear. You can get away with being bossy if you're the boss and you pay people so well and offer such cool work that they willingly put up with your attitude. Otherwise, bossiness wears thin. And you're right--if you're bossy, you run the risk of alienating people. Fortunately, you are wise enough to recognize your not-so-great tendency. Next time you're in the mood for plain pizza and everyone else votes pepperoni, don't protest. Just pick off the little round jobbies, and give yourself invisible gold stars for going with the flow. Your BFF BFF Best Friends Forever (chat) BFF Best Foot Forward BFF Ben Folds Five (band) BFF Born Free Foundation BFF Binary File Format BFF Boston Film Festival BFF Biotech Finance Forum wants to play Britney, and you want to hear Christina? Spin Britney, and listen to Christina later on your own--then pat yourself on the back for being easygoing eas·y·go·ing also eas·y-go·ing adj. 1. a. Living without undue worry or concern; calm. b. Lax or negligent; careless. c. . I'm not saying you should go from bulldozer to doormat. But you will be doing yourself (and your friends) a favor if you tune in to their feelings too. Being open to other people's ideas is a great thing! Dear Carol, My best friend and I used to have so much fun together. We played outside, made up stories, acted them out, etc. Last summer, she went to camp and made friends with some girls who go to our school. They totally changed her. She wears skirts, tights and sweaters, and wants to look at fashion magazines instead of doing the stuff we used to do. Our moms are friends, so they want us to stay friends. She's still really nice, but it's like being with a different person. I've tried talking to Noun 1. talking to - a lengthy rebuke; "a good lecture was my father's idea of discipline"; "the teacher gave him a talking to" lecture, speech rebuke, reprehension, reprimand, reproof, reproval - an act or expression of criticism and censure; "he had to her, but she just smiles and says I'm still her friend. Where Did She Go? Dear Where?, It's hard when friends grow in different directions or at different rates. I'm glad this girl is still nice and friendly toward you (as opposed to distant and snobby snob n. 1. One who tends to patronize, rebuff, or ignore people regarded as social inferiors and imitate, admire, or seek association with people regarded as social superiors. 2. ), but I'm sorry you two are out of sync. Give her some space but still hang out a little, and look around to see if an acquaintance could become a closer friend. Someone on your bus? The new girl at school? While casting around for new buds, don't give up on your BFF. Who knows? In a few years, the two of you may be going off to camp together--or even double dating! Dear Carol, I live in a home where we do foster care. I used to get along fine with the kids, but now I can't. Our new foster kid is too hard to deal with. We started off on the wrong foot, and now she has a lot of attitude and is rude and mean. She lives in my home and calls my mom "Mom." Whenever she makes me upset, I go to my room, turn off all my lights, turn my radio up really loud, and go in my closet and cry. I try to talk to my mom, but she doesn't understand and doesn't always let me tell my side of the story. Alone Dear Alone, You come from a caring family, and you are a good person. Of course it's hard for you to share your mom, especially when you're at an age when you may need to talk to her more. Why not show your mom this letter? You can confess that you wrote it, or say that you sometimes feel this way. Some reassuring one-on-one time can make a real difference. You deserve it, so ask for it. I hope you can also try to befriend be·friend tr.v. be·friend·ed, be·friend·ing, be·friends To behave as a friend to. befriend Verb to become a friend to Verb 1. the troubled girl. Can you talk to your school counselor about your very understandable feelings? Carol Weston is the author of three advice books: PRIVATE AND PERSONAL, FOR GIRLS ONLY, and GIRLTALK (Harper-Collins). Her new novel is THE DIARY OF MELANIE MARTIN (Knopf). |
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