HE SAID, SHE SAID, THEY SAID WHAT?; THE BEST AND WORST MEDIA BLABS AND JABS OF 1998.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH The Media

Fifty-two weeks worth of stray sports media notes, goats, quips and quotes and smokes and chokes:

Nice theory, but slightly flawed logic: After the Dodgers signed Kevin Brown to the $105 million contract, Sandy Alderson, the executive vice president of Major League Baseball, said it about Dodgers/Fox owner Rupert Murdoch:

``I think this says more about someone's fall prime-time schedule than anything else.''

True. But in the fall of '99, NBC - not Fox - has the rights to the National League Championship Series as well as the World Series.

Watch it once on TV and you'll understand: Major League Soccer commissioner Doug Logan was so peeved that ESPN didn't cover a game earlier this month when DC United beat a Brazilian team in the InterAmerican Cup that he blurted out:

``Perhaps they were too busy filming one of those nice, slick promos they do, or they were getting their tuxes fitted for the ESPYs.''

Famous last words from The Almighty Duck: ABC/ESPN chief Steve Bornstein said it after Disney signed a five-year, $600 million TV deal with the NHL:

``We'll make money. This is a marketing machine.''

Unless you count the next labor dispute: NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue stated to him what seemed to be the obvious last January after Fox, CBS and ABC pledged almost $18 billion in rights fees:

``There is no downside for us.''

Talk about job security: It was a late September game when the Dodgers, suffering through a miserable season, fell behind 8-0 to the Giants. Vin Scully had the perfect caption to not just the game, but to all that happened to the team in 1998:

``May I ask you a personal question?''

Pause.

``Are any of you keeping score of this one?''

Longer pause.

``Good.''

San Francisco's Jeff Kent followed with a grand slam.

More job security: Kings center Ray Ferraro, in a December Sports Illustrated story that chronicled a day in the life of the team, finds out he's a scratch for that night's game and won't participate in the morning skate.

``Now I've got nothing to do for the next 75 minutes,'' Ferraro says, gesturing to the TV in the locker room, ``except watch ESPN2 workout shows - soft porn in the morn.''

For the last two years during the playoffs, Ferraro has been honing his broadcasting skills as a studio analyst for ESPN2's ``NHL2Night.'' That's a hard-core show for puck fans.

What job security? CBS golf producer Lance Barrows, on why analyst Gary McCord was left out of the network's coverage of the 1998 Masters last April even though the Augusta National Golf Club had given a reluctant OK to bring him back the last two years:

``We had such a great coverage last year, I'm superstitious. I want to keep everything the same.''

Worst sit-com fears not coming true: Some baseball people worried that attendance would suffer on May 14 - the night of the final episode of ``Seinfeld'' airing on NBC.

Actually, attendance at ballparks that night was greater in some cities - including Dodger Stadium - than it was the night before. The Dodgers drew 30,867 for a game against Philadelphia after attracting 28,604 the previous game.

``I think a lot of intelligent people know how to run their VCR,'' theorized Cincinnati Reds general manager Jim Bowden.

Best sit-com sports line: In the final episode of ``Seinfeld,'' it's Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller) who stands up in the courtroom and yells at Yankees owner George Steinbrenner on the witness stand:

``How could you give $12 million to Hideki Irabu?''

Best piece of irony to everyone except NBC: Exactly one year after Jerry Seinfeld told the network he was doing his last season, the Peacock airs Jimmy Stewart in ``It's A Wonderful Life'' this afternoon because the NBA lockout knocked out its traditional doubleheader.

Best add to insult: Showtime replays ``The Game'' NBA exhibition today at 4:30 p.m. Only 450,000 out of 18 million homes that have the premium cable channel tuned into it live last Saturday.

So obvious even TV Guide caught it: ESPN ``SportsCenter'' anchor nerd Bob Stevens earned a ``jeer'' in the June 7 issue when he ``snidely wondered `whatever happened to' '' St. Louis Blues player Doug Wickenheiser during a story on NHL first-round picks that never panned out.

``Any Blues fan would tell Stevens that Wickenheiser has been battling cancer and the team even had a charity game for him earlier this season,'' the jeer pointed out.

Worst moonlighting job: Fox allows each one of its NFL studio guys to do other stuff for the network, but James Brown's work hosting Fox's ``World's Funniest!'' video show has to be the most degrading.

Particularly on an episode in November, when the dapper Harvard graduate hosted a night that was a tribute to home-video shots to the groin. Brown told viewers if they counted the number of groin hits during the show and mailed in their guesses, they could win a $5,000 prize. Brown even went so far as to define a groin hit as ``those shots to the privates.''

Stop calling it a sport: By our count, there was a figure skating competition - something called a World Extreme Team Championship Fire-on-Ice Rock-n-Challenge Short, Medium and Long Program Exhibition Presented by Coors (Please Don't Drink and Skate) from Kitchener, Ontario - on a major network at least once each weekend this year.

Worst network decision: ABC ``Monday Night Football'' starts 40 minutes earlier.

Most interesting ratings fluke: ABC's ``Monday Night Football'' ratings have been 15-plus in Los Angeles over the 13.8 nationally.

Worst technical gaffe: NBC resistance to using the score graphic during any of its sports event coverage.

Best technical gadget: The first-down stripe on NFL Sunday Night Football that ESPN broke out at midseason. Soon, CBS picked up its own version. Fox plans to have one for the NFL playoffs. And ABC will use it on the Jan. 4 Fiesta Bowl.

ABC ``Monday Night Football'' may use it next, but with the technical workers' strike, just producing a respectable broadcast this season has been challenging enough.

Worst career move: Magic Johnson, talk show host.

Smartest career move: Chris Myers leaving ``Up Close'' for Fox Sports News.

Second smartest career move: Gary Miller, to L.A., to accept role of ``Up Close'' host starting Jan. 11 after nearly watering down his career last year.

Loudest career move: Keith Olbermann, back to L.A., to resurrect Fox Sports News. And he hasn't even started yet.

Year's best media maven: Ashley Judd, already the star of a University of Kentucky club hockey poster featuring her with just a jersey and blue toe-nail polish, put on a Wildcats basketball jersey for the cover of November's issue of Kentucky Monthly.

``That's the one that's good and meaningful,'' the actress and Wildcats alum told the Lexington Herald-Leader. ``I could care a rat's hooey about hockey.''

WHAT SMOKED ON LOCAL TV

The top 10 Nielsen-rated sports events (with their share numbers) on L.A. television from Dec. 17-23:

Event Date Station Rt/Sh.x

NFL: Denver at Miami 12/21 KABC 17.5/30

NFL: S.F. at New England 12/20 Fox 13.8/35

NFL: Philadelphia at Dallas 12/20 Fox 11.1/26

NFL: Tampa Bay at Washington 12/19 Fox 8.4/20

NFL: N.Y. Jets at Buffalo 12/19 KCBS 7.6/18

NFL: Jacksonville at Minnesota 12/20 ESPN 6.9/12

NFL: Oakland at San Diego 12/20 KCBS 5.2/12

Figure skating 12/19 Fox 4.9/10

Lexus Golf Challenge 12/19 KNBC 2.2/5

Wendy's 3-Tour Challenge 12/19 KABC 2.0/5

Note: Saturday's NBA exhibition game on Showtime did a 0.2 rating and the season's first college bowl game, the Las Vegas Bowl on 12/19, did a 0.4/1 mark for ESPN2.

xA One rating point equals 50,092 TV homes in Los Angeles; a share is the percentage of all the TV sets in use at that time.

CAPTION(S):

Photo, Box

Photo: The Dodgers' signing of pitcher Kevin Brown made nearly everyone speak up this holiday season.

John McCoy/Daily News

Box: WHAT SMOKED ON LOCAL TV (See text)