HANDLE WITH CARE PARENTS HAVE DELICATE TASK AS YOUTHS COPE WITH BRYANT CASE.

Byline: Ross Siler GoodSports

At a towering 6 feet, 9 1/2 inches tall, Mike Rashmir could shield his 12-year-old son, Nicholas, from pretty much anything if he wanted. When it comes to the Kobe Bryant saga, however, the Northridge father doesn't even bother to try.

``In my mind, you can't,'' said Rashmir, whose son plays travel basketball, watches every Lakers game and reads the sports section each morning.

``It's everywhere. I'm just trying to keep him from watching (racy dating show) `The Fifth Wheel,' let alone all the Kobe stuff.''

For parents across the area such as Rashmir, a contract administrator for an aerospace company, the felony sexual-assault charge brought against Bryant in July has presented one giant problem:

How much should they tell their children about the case involving the Lakers star, who helped lead the team to three consecutive NBA titles and is one of the most popular athletes in America among youths.

``I think a lot of parents are scared,'' said Dr. Mark A. Schuster, director of the UCLA/RAND Center for Adolescent Health Promotion, who wrote an opinion column in September on talking to kids about the Bryant case. ``It's hard for parents because it's so unexpected.

``Their kids idolize Kobe. They're not expecting discussions about sex and rape and adultery to come from that.''

For moms and dads, this is no ordinary talk about the birds and the bees.

``He asked me, `What did (Bryant) do?' '' Rashmir said, ``and we kind of went over it. But I don't think he could comprehend half of what I was saying.''

Another parent, Gary Mathis, said: ``I think my son understands what's going on. Yeah, I think he understands what rape is.''

On Thursday, the spotlight again will be on Bryant as he returns to Eagle, Colo., for a preliminary hearing. Though the hearing will not be televised, it is expected to attract as much national media attention as Bryant's seven-minute advisement Aug. 6.

Bryant has said he will plead not guilty. At this week's hearing, the prosecution plans to detail some of the evidence against the five-time All-Star. Bryant's defense team, meanwhile, has countered with a request that his 19-year-old accuser be forced to testify.

Legal experts have speculated that much of what will be said in the courtroom will be R-rated. And that has left parents in an unwelcome position, Schuster said, one not seen since the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal smoldered four years ago.

``(Parents) don't want to deal with this right now and it's thrust upon them,'' Schuster said. ``But I think parents will rise to the occasion.''

Make no mistake, either, that the Bryant case is one of the hottest topics among kids.

Rashmir's son, Nicholas, a center on the Valley Xtreme youth travel basketball team from Reseda, said he and his middle-school friends send each other instant messages about it on their computers at night.

``They say that if he did it, he was wrong,'' Nicholas said. ``If he didn't, then the girl was being stupid and did it just for attention.''

Teammate Maurice Sample, who lives in North Hills, said: ``There's a lot of people talking about it still. I know almost all of it.''

In a telling scene at the Xtreme's practice last month, 11-year-old Trevor Wiseman was talking about the Bryant case when one of his teammates ran past him. The boy laughed and yelled out the words ``abuser, rapist'' in true junior high fashion when Wiseman mentioned the name ``Kobe.''

``It's kind of hard because he's a great player,'' Wiseman said, ``and then he does that and it could end his career.''

Meanwhile, Wiseman's mother, Trish Brown, uttered perhaps the most accurate statement about the relationship between youths and the Bryant case. Her son has a television in his room and she's not always certain what it's tuned to.

``They know more about things,'' Brown said, ``than we think they do.''

Reality TV gone wild

Nearly lost in the daily digest of Bryant stories was one Aug. 25 that merited only a brief mention in most newspapers. Jack Thompson, an attorney from Coral Gables, Fla., filed a request with the judge in the case that Bryant's preliminary hearing not be televised.

Why?

Thompson, a medical malpractice attorney and activist who has fought against violence in video games and brought complaints against radio shock jocks, was afraid his 11-year-old son, John, would be exposed to sexually explicit material.

``He's at an age where's he's aware of what certain things are,'' Thompson said. ``This is pretty heavy stuff for an 11-year-old. I'd rather have him thinking about what a thrilling pennant race the Marlins are in.''

In his motion, Thompson wrote that televising courtroom proceedings could violate federal decency laws. He also charged the state of Colorado with invading ``parental privacy zones'' by putting parents in position to have unwanted conversations with their children.

Like other parents, Thompson has talked to his fifth-grade son, who plays on an after-school club basketball team and avidly watches ``SportsCenter,'' to hear about the Bryant case. But Thompson wasn't quite sure what to say.

``I said, `He's alleged to have hurt this woman and kept her in the room against her will and gotten very physical with her,' '' Thompson said. ``He said, `I really like Kobe and I don't think he did anything wrong.'

``I said, `Johnny, I hope you're right.' ''

Thompson said he has received support from other parents at his son's school. He also appeared on Fox Sports Radio to talk about his filing. And Thompson said he will submit a motion to block cameras in the courtroom should there be a trial.

Meanwhile, the 52-year-old offered his advice for what parents should say to their children.

``This is a trial that you might do well to avoid the details of,'' Thompson said, ``and to focus on your schoolwork and your sports and the other things that are out there for you to enjoy.''

At home in the Valley, however, Brown said Thompson's fight is all but futile.

``The kids are going to hear about it at school or wherever they are,'' she said.

What to discuss

At a minimum, the Bryant case has offered two important topics for parents to address. The first is the nature of sex and sexual assault. The second is the place of athletes as heroes and role models in society.

Schuster offered his advice on the former. He recommends parents first ask their children what they believe Bryant did. Many youths, Schuster said, have misconceptions about what happened.

``They have a vague sense that everyone's mad at Kobe,'' Schuster said. ``Or they think that he tried to marry some woman other than his wife or was trying to have a baby with her.''

Schuster, co-author of the book ``Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask),'' said most middle-schoolers are old enough to understand the circumstances of the case.

For those who are younger, he recommended, parents can answer their questions by saying, ``Kobe broke a promise to his wife'' or ``A woman says Kobe hurt her.'' Those two approaches also can avoid having a deeper discussion about sex, Schuster said.

The second question, about athletes as heroes, is a bit trickier.

Even Michael Jordan, widely hailed as the greatest basketball player who ever lived, has been reported during his playing career to have committed adultery and lost tens of thousands of dollars gambling on the golf course.

When it comes to Bryant, Maurice Sample has seen the uncertainty of the case filter into his son's life. His son, also named Maurice, bought a Bryant poster the week before the assault allegations came to light.

That poster remains rolled up in the family's garage. It was supposed to be framed. Meanwhile, Maurice continues to wear his No. 8 Bryant jersey but has stopped wearing his Kobe hat, his father added.

``He knows Kobe's not as well known and respected as before the incident happened,'' Sample said.

It has been 10 years since Charles Barkley made his famous ``I am not a role model'' declaration in a Nike commercial. But the undeniable truth is that athletes do occupy such a position in society, even if they often don't appear to appreciate that fact.

``I think a lot of athletes think, `I'm making my millions of dollars, let parents raise their kids,''' said Pierce College men's basketball coach Brad Wright, a former UCLA player who briefly played in the NBA for the New York Knicks and Denver Nuggets.

Wright noted that only a small percentage of professional athletes are lawbreakers, and many have their good deeds obscured. But he advocates a hard-line approach, cutting any players who are found to have used illegal drugs. He makes his own players sign a code of conduct before the season.

``Maybe only 2 percent of pro athletes are doing the wrong thing,'' Wright said. ``But when you have a million positives and 1 negative, that's going to come out as a negative.''

Schuster said it almost is impossible for parents to steer children away from idolizing celebrities, whether they are entertainers or athletes. What they need to provide, however, is perspective.

``I think parents need to help kids have a basic understanding that heroes often have a great talent,'' Schuster said. ``Tiger Woods is a great golfer. J.K. Rowling is a great writer. But that doesn't mean they aren't real people who make mistakes.''

For the foreseeable future, until the charges against Bryant are resolved, his place in this conversation will continue to be an uncomfortable one. At practice, the Xtreme's coach, Jose Rodriguez, praised Wiseman's play to a reporter. ``This is the next Michael Jordan!'' Rodriguez gushed. ``The next Kobe Bryant!''

Everyone in the gym cringed.

Ross Siler, [phone]

ross.siler(at)dailynews.com

CAPTION(S):

3 photos

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) no caption (boy with a Kobe Bryant jersey sitting on a basketball)

Photo illustration by Charlotte Schmid-Maybach

(2 -- 3 -- color) On and off the court, Kobe Bryant, with wife Vanessa above, has become the center of attention.

Photo by Edna T. Simpson

Photo by John Lazar