Guys and balls.

* Directed by Sherry Horman * Starring Maximilian Bruckner * Here Films

Remember way back four weeks ago when Summer Storm opened? That was a reasonably charming German coming-out movie about a rowing team. Now it's time for Guys and Balls, a less-than-charming German coming-out movie about soccer. Is it too early to call for an embargo?

Balls--the English title, alas, is one of the movie's most clever jokes--revolves around Ecki (Bruckner), the goalie for his small-town soccer team. In one night he blows the big game that would have put the team in a better league and makes a drunken pass at a teammate, both of which get him bounced from the squad.

Naturally, he runs off to the big city to put together an all-gay soccer team so he can come home and show the locals that fags can be jocks too. Do you suppose this ragtag bunch of outsiders--incorporating every stereotype from the queeny David Beckham worshipper to the leather-bedecked daddy--can learn to work together as a team and win the big game? And will Ecki manage to win back his fathers respect and also land a hunky boyfriend? Gosh, what are the odds?

If this movie had more on the ball (sorry), one might be able to forgive its many, many shortcomings. But Guys and Balls is so insanely predictable-and its gay sensibility is such a throwback to at least 20 years ago--that it's mostly a cringe-worthy experience. I call foul.