Grim reaper pays visit to soapland.
We've had Saskia's body in bin bags in the woods in EastEnders.
Now, in this week's Family Affairs we have Simon Thornton's body in a SHOPPING TROLLEY. Yep, Pam (Sandy Hendrickse) and Sadie (Barbara Young) go along to Simon's to see if he's alive, and well, he's not. So, Pam's killed him and they must dispose of the body. They get a shopping trolley, stuff him in it and head for the woods. It's a classic moment, do not miss it.
Pam's pretty uninterested the next day at her wedding, too. Funny that, eh?
What a laugh. Not how I'd describe EastEnders this week. No, I'm not joking, it's depressing for a change. Well, I guess it's nice for Natalie (Lucy Speed) and Barry (Shaun Williamson) that they are moving in together, but I'd rather not be involved.
Ian's (Adam Woodyatt) back - hoorah! Mel (Tamzin Outhwaite) is worried he wants to end their relationship. I'd be jumping for joy.
Grant (Ross Kemp) is in big trouble with the social work department after not reacting very well when a social worker comes round to see how Courtney's doing - and she's not been doing too well, shunted about from Phil (Steve McFadden) to Jamie (Jack Ryder) and back again.
In Hollyoaks it's the end of the road as Jas (Elly Fairman) moves out of Ruth's (Terri Dwyer) flat after their night of passion. Ruth, it seems, is not one for the ladies.
Up the road in Brookside, Rachel (Tiffany Chapman) thinks she might be pregnant. I mean, really. This is the girl who was sexually abused as a child, beaten up by a loony husband, and afraid of sex for ages. So, you would think she would have taken care of everything before she got down to it with Mike (Paul Byatt), would you not? Stupid, stupid girl.
Elsewhere on the close, Jacqui (Alex Fletcher) is wondering what will happen after her nights of passion with Nathan (Marcus Hutton), the saucy mare!
And poor Leo (Steven Cole). He follows the lead of cousin Jerome (Leon Lopez) but, of course, he's the one that gets the blame and Jerome gets off scot-free, as they say.
Now to Coronation Street. You wondered where the Battersby girls got their flirtatious ways from? Well, wonder no more. All is revealed this week, as mum Battersby Janice (Vicky Entwistle) gets it on with Owen at the campsite - the very bloke Toyah (Georgia Taylor) has been hankering after. What is she like?
Les (Bruce Jones) is DJing away as his equipment blows up - and Martin (Sean Wilson) saves him. The fool!
Back in the Street, Alma (Amanda Barrie) is having none of Mike's (Johnny Briggs) apologies, and is ready to leave him for good. She's staying with Audrey (Sue Nicholls) and is quite at home there, even hitting the town with the mad councillor.
And at the Rovers there is a wee celebration going on as it's Betty's (Betty Driver) 30th anniversary of pulling pints in the legendary pub.
All the talk in Emmerdale is of their pub, The Woolpack, and Bernice's (Samantha Giles) application to buy it. Tricia (Sheree Murphy) is trying to get a village co- operative to outbid her, but will she manage with the likes of Zak (Steve Halliwell) and Seth helping her out? The mind boggles.
And finally, Sunset Beach is brilliant this week. Annie (Sarah Buxton) is having one of those brilliant fantasy- sequences and it's a corker. She's a contestant on a bizarre game show called Murderer for a Day, hosted by Jerry Feller - played by none other than Jerry Springer! Brilliant, just brilliant.