Good, bad, ugly.

I broke up with my BF, and he didn't take it well. He spread rumors about me cheating on him. Then he told all the guys to never ask me out because I'd cheat on them, too. But I never cheated on him at all!

BILL Knock the kid down a notch with a big dose of kindness. Tell your former BF this behavior isn't like him at all. Let him know you're sorry if you did anything to hurt his feelings. Don't get me wrong. It takes courage to apologize to someone who's been such a louse. But it just might make him back down and do what he really should: apologize to you.

DAVE It should be easy for people to see what's going on. A girl broke up with her boyfriend, and now he's trashing her. The girl never appeared to be cheating on the guy. She's always been honest and up-front. The outsiders ought to quickly assess what's going on and dismiss the disgruntled ex for what he is.

What does a guy expect from you if he asks you to "go out" with him? I'm only in eighth grade so, technically, I can't actually "go" anywhere with a guy.

BILL Guys don't expect much. Just total worship, sports tickets, and validation of the egotistical belief that they're funny and good-looking. I'm kidding! When a guy asks you to "go out" with him, he basically wants to share good (and bad) times with you. With the right person, that can be kind of cool. The truth is, you really don't have to "go out" with someone to care a lot about him or her.

DAVE To some guys "going out" might mean an occasional phone call after school. To others, it means spending all your tree time with each other. Figuring out what "going out" means is just one more issue in the long, long laundry list of things involved in sorting out the BF/GF thing. Find a guy who's looking for the same thing as you ... and you've got yourself a keeper.

This guy I didn't really like asked me out, and I said I would. But I only said that because all my friends have boyfriends. I feel guilty because all his buddies tell me how much he likes me, but I have crushes on other guys! I don't want to break up with him--I want to like him more.

DAVE Hopefully, you've learned the lesson about not following the crowd if something doesn't feel quite right. But you've gotten yourself into this situation, and now you've got to figure a way out. Since you weren't quite honest at first, now is the time to shoot the guy straight. Tell your future ex that things were never quite right from the beginning and that you two should just part now so that no one gets really hurt. He should appreciate the (belated) honesty.

BILL The strange thing about liking someone is that you can't force it. Sounds like you've given this guy a try, but he's just not your snizzle-fizzle. That's OK. That's why we call it "dating" and not "marriage." You should feel perfectly OK about moving on.

I am giving my crush a nice, but not too mushy, Valentine's Day card. What's the best way to sign it? "Love," seems a little much, and just signing my name seems a so boring. Any ideas?

BILL This calls for the "strike-through." Sign the card: "Love," "Be mine," "Your friend," "Sincerely," but strike a line through each one, then just sign your name. That way, you get the message across without really committing. You might complete the joke by crossing out your name, too!

DAVE Such the romantic, that Bill. I sure hope the guy has a good sense of humor when he gets a Valentine his girlfriend refused to sign. I agree that "Love," is a bit strong, and just about anything else comes across so cheesy. You can always recall a special moment in your relationship by going with something like, "Thinking of that night watching Little Nicky ..." Or there's always the perfectly phrased, "XOXO."