Gnarly sport not as easy as surfers make it look.

Byline: Winston Ross The Register-Guard

Brace yourself, Brody.

Another epic surf movie (`Riding Giants," Sony Pictures Classics) has hit the theaters, which means Jack Johnson is gonna sell a whole lot more CDs, teenagers are gonna buy a whole lot more Roxy and Billabong clothes and people of all ages, shapes and levels of bravado will try catching their first wave.

Surfers make it look so easy, don't they? You paddle around awhile, spot a killer set and ease into it, snapping up on the board like so many Americans hop off the couch when the microwave beeps.

It ain't so easy. And if you're in Oregon, navigating rocks and the occasional shark among some backbreaking breakers, it can be downright hard.

"The people that do these movies are the best surfers in the world," says Mike Eigner, an instructor at Lincoln City Surf Shop. "People get false expectations of what they can accomplish."

But you still want to be a surfer, eh? They get all the hotties, right?

Yeah, yeah. OK. Just don't forget the (unofficial) rules.

You need help: And not the kind a shrink can give you. Surfing isn't the sport for just hopping in the water and trying. Well, you can try, but you're going to get pummeled again and again and again. You might even drown. Seriously. Take a surf lesson or find a buddy who already knows how.

Don't expose yourself: Before you even go near the water in Oregon, score a wetsuit - and not a wimpy, cheap one either. Ask for at least a `4-3' which means 4 millimeters thick in the chest and legs and 3 in the arms. Anything less would be uncivilized.

Hoods are a nice feature, though many surfers can't stand their restrictive movement. And if you plan on staying in the water for any length of time, you'll want booties and gloves, too. It's cold out there.

As for boards, "The bigger the board, the easier it is to learn," Eigner says.

Drop some knowledge: Pick up some knowledge, rather - wave knowledge. One of the most important surfing techniques is simply learning how to spot when and where and how hard a wave will break, so you can figure out where to position yourself to best catch it.

One way to accomplish this is to practice with a boogie board, sort of a short version of a surfboard that's easier to control.

"Typically, people will start off surfing the whitewater," says Bob Chandler, one of the owners of Tactics Boardshop in Eugene. "After a wave breaks, people can get used to feeling the momentum."

Watch your back: Every so often, as you're flexing your paddling muscles for your adoring fans on shore, give a glance toward the water behind you. They're called sneaker waves, but there's really nothing sneaky about them - as long as you pay a little attention.

Find a sweet spot: In Oregon, that usually means a beach break that's sheltered from the blustery north wind, which has a nasty tendency to flatten out good waves.

The best two spots for beginners are at Agate Beach and Otter Rock, both north of Newport.

Watch out for cranky locals: In places such as Southern California and Hawaii, "localism" is a much more pervasive menace - folks who've been surfing a beloved spot for years only to see it overtaken by newbies. It's a fair complaint, surfers say. Rookies are more likely to jump in on a wave someone else has already claimed (by being closer to its peak) or just get in the way.

If you're just starting out, be overly respectful or you might just get knocked in the head by a wayward board. Oops!

Avoid using outdated surf terminology to make yourself sound cool: "Hanging 10' and "Searching for the perfect wave" are two of the most over-used cliches in the surf world. Gnarly, radical, awesome and dude should be applied carefully.

Now go get wet!

Winston Ross can be reached at [phone] or [e-mail].

CATCH A WAVE

A few places to find wetsuits and boards, plus Web sites for weather information. Some of the shops will also connect you with instructors.

Tactics Boardshop: 234 W. Sixth Ave., Eugene. 349-0087

Lincoln City Surf Shop: 4972 S.E. Highway 101, Lincoln City. [phone]

Ossie's Surf Shop: 4860 N. Coast Highway, Newport. [phone]

Safari Town Surf Shop: 3026 N.E. Highway 101, Newport. [phone]

Oregon Surf Shop: 4933 S.W. Highway 101, Lincoln City. [phone]

Ocean Pulse Custom Surfboards: 429 S.W. Coast Highway, Newport. [phone]

Rocky Point Surf & Sport: 222 S. Broadway, Coos Bay. [phone]

On the Web: www.oregonsurfcheck.com or www.oregonsurf.com

CAPTION(S):

A surfer heads out into the waves at Otter Rock on the central Oregon Coast. "The people that do these movies are the best surfers in the world. People get false expectations of what they can accomplish." - MIKE EIGNER, SURFING INSTRUCTOR "The people that do these movies are the best surfers in the world," says Mike Eigner, an instructor at Lincoln City Surf Shop. "People get false expectations of what they can accomplish."