Girls get skills for protection.

Byline: Diane Dietz The Register-Guard

Parents who raise a daughter to be the sweetest girl in the world might think their job is done, but self-defense instructors say not so fast.

The process that makes girls compliant, attentive to the whims of adults, soft spoken - nice - can also make them easy marks for rapists.

"Too many of us learned to be sweet and not have any other skills besides that," said Nadia Telsey, a UO instructor who has taught self-defense to scores of local women. "Sometimes we need to be not-so-pleasant and to say what other people don't want to hear."

Girls must know how to spot danger and speak their minds with authoritative force. They should know how to use their feet and elbows for protection when words are no longer enough, say two women who launched two self-defense courses for girls in Eugene this week.

Sexual violence starts early in life, according to a summary of research by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Fifty-four percent of rapes against females happen before a girl is 18 years old; further, 22 percent of those rapes happened to girls younger than 12, CDC figures show.

The danger increases as girls grow: About 9 percent of high school students nationwide reported they'd been forced to have sexual intercourse; the number increases to at least 20 percent of college students, the CDC reports.

Girls need to protect themselves. "College is way too late," said Telsey, adding that many of her University of Oregon students recount experiences of assault from when they were 13 or 14.

Telsey is the recipient of a $20,000 per year, five-year grant to teach self-defense to girls ages 11 to 14. The program launched a pilot project at the Village School last week.

Tonia Valadez, another self-defense teacher, will begin teaching girls ages 3 to 12 on Saturdays at a Womenspace meeting room this May. She's devised a curriculum for groups of girls ages 3 to 5, 6 to 9 and 10 to 12.

Valadez' class centers on prevention by teaching girls thinking and communication skills: How to read warning signs of an attack, how to find safe places or people to help them, and how to assert their right to reject unwanted touch.

Tamara Benedict was way ahead of the class when she attended the Flower Power introductory session Saturday. The willowy 9-year-old demonstrated her self-defense words:

"Stop," she said.

"Respect my `NO,' ' she said.

"Back off."

Sheyne Benedict said she and Tamara had practiced those powerful words for a couple of years now, but the family would add to the skills with Valadez' course.

Sheyne did say the assertiveness comes with a downside. Tamara has used her "Respect my no" words on her mother a couple of times.

It's tricky, but the self-defense instructors said that girls have to know their feelings and be allowed to express themselves if they're to be safe.

"Don't praise them only for doing what adults want and for being compliant," Telsey said.

In practice, girls should be given say over what their own bodies are subjected to, Telsey said.

"If a child doesn't want to kiss Aunt Mary or Uncle John, they shouldn't be forced to," she said. "Conveying to kids that they have some rights over what happens to their body is important."

Parents may be uneasy teaching girls self-defense just because it's so difficult to imagine them in a frightful situation - where knees and elbows are necessary - or parents might be afraid of robbing their daughters of their innocence.

The alternative may be grim.

"Nothing takes away innocence worse than sexual abuse," Telsey said.

The self-defense instructors teach girls to target six specific places on assailant's bodies. A well-placed blow on three of them inflict pain, a hard hit on three others can incapacitate the the assailant and allow the girl to escape.

The girls seem to enjoy throwing a punch or swinging their knee again and again in rapid fire kicks against a pad.

"It's fun learning how," a sweet Tamara Benedict said while coloring a page from a Strawberry Shortcake coloring book. "But I wouldn't want to do that somebody."

Her mother quietly added: "But you'd know how if you ever had to."

CAPTION(S):

Xiao Carpenter, 9, throws a punch for instructor Tonia Valadez during a self-defense demonstration held on Saturday.