Get Out of the Closet and Out of the Town

Dear Margo: I'm a 27-year-old gay Afro American male, and I'm not out to my family or friends because I will lose all of them. They are church folks and think all gays are gonna burn in hell.

I love them from the bottom of my heart, but I'm in so much pain and turmoil. I don't want to hurt them, but I have to be me. I knew I was gay early —since first grade — but my whole circle of family and friends always bashed gays so I grew up hating myself.

Now I'm kinda cool with being gay, but my loved ones still feel the same. I want to move out of the city I live in to finally be with a guy I have feelings for. Should I move to a different city so they won't be shamed by my lifestyle? Plus, I really want to be out and, most of all, happy. — Afro American and Gay

Dear Af: I would encourage you to move, not to spare your family and friends the reality of your sexuality, but to be with someone you care about. You will, in effect, be killing two birds with one stone: You can lead an honest, openly gay life in the new town and not have to lose those you love.

Ordinarily I am for candor, but in your case, where the home folks are bigoted, limited Bible-thumpers and you know an admission of homosexuality would mean expulsion from the group, see how you feel about the situation when you return to visit.

In this case, what they don't know won't hurt you. And there's a chance that, after living in the open, you may say "to hell with it" (no pun intended) and tell them who you really are. — Margo, encouragingly

Trouble in the Frog Pond

Dear Margo: I know I'm not alone in being attractive, single, young, successful, fun and dateless. I know you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince, but it's a little depressing when not even the frogs are asking you out.

And how come when you're not even flirting with a guy and you're just having an everyday conversation, he suddenly turns all smug and acts like you're completely into him and are thinking of marriage? I cannot tell you how many times that has happened to me. It's discouraging.

What happened to guys being into girls, and possibly pursuing them? So, not only am I not getting asked out, I can barely talk to guys without it being a humiliating experience.

OK, I'm done. I just thought you and the world would like to know what it's like to be an attractive 24-year-old who's not putting out (so shoot me, I have standards) in 2007. — Stuck in a Weird World

Dear Stuck: I think you need to meet some new frogs, I mean, guys. However you do it, change the scenery and change your circle. I'm not sure why it is that you're seemingly finding all the egomaniacs in the world, but your experience is not reflective of all that's going on out there.

Try some new affinity groups or volunteer for something that interests you. (Or . . . go to a hardware store on a Friday night.) And I salute your having standards. Putting out is not the way to connect with a great guy. — Margo, assuredly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [e-mail]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2007 MARGO HOWARD

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