Gest star is jungle jape's best signing.

Byline: John McKie

MONDAY night was like any other Monday night for Jan Leeming.

Trapped down a black hole with nothing but herself for company.

The slight difference this time was a few hidden cameras, a load of insects and some stars she had to grab for meals for her I'm A Celebrity ...Get Me Out Of Here team-mates.

Leeming was soon screaming: "These stars aren't nearly big enough." Think we all know how she felt.

Phina Oruche, Scott Henshall and Matt Willis (which is short for Willisrecordcompanydrophim), with the promise of Malandra Burrows to come. ITV, like the Ferrero Rocher ambassador, you are spoiling us.

Channel 4 splashed out for George Galloway, Michael Barrymore and Dennis Rodman in the Celeb BB house, so ITV needed this to be unmissable.

Luckily, the cavalry arrived in a kayak: David Gest, Liza Minnelli's ex, cost I'm a Celeb producers a reported pounds 100,000. He has been worth every penny.

Exhibit A: He provided the sound judgment that has kept him in the music industry for the past 25 years. "I think Jason Donovan is the greatest." So long, Muhammad Ali - you've been replaced by Scott from Neighbours. Exhibit B: He stormed the Bushtucker Trial with six stars in a tank rapidly filling with water, baby crocodiles, lizards and snakes. When another snake slid in, he asked: "Weren't you at my wedding?"

Exhibit C: His rap with Toby Anstis as The Dirty White Boys was perhaps the worst thing to happen to hip hop since Biggie and Tupac fell out over that last buttered scone. But it was also side-splitting.

Gest may have the gender training instincts to make him a candidate for next manager of Luton Town FC but, like Galloway and Barrymore, he proves writing a big cheque for a big name can make for unmissable telly.

In terms of the ads they're shifting and the money-spinning text and phone votes, Gest has already made ITV back their money . . . and more.

The big money shows that do well are those who splash the cash on big stars, and the ones that don't, like Celebrity Scissorhands and Trust Me I'm A Beauty Therapist, tank faster than one of Jan Leeming's chat-up lines to Toby Anstis.

In fairness, Dean Gaffney, not so much a big money signing as a free transfer from House-decorating Actors FC, arrived on Thursday and was thrown straight into his Trial.

Yellow slime, crocodiles and rats biting at his feet . . . this was easily the most degrading - and hilarious - thing ITV has ever screened.

When you remember ITV also screened a programme, presented by Donna Air, where Dean Gaffney took on Richard Blackwood and Samantha Fox to see who the best nightclub owner was, then that's saying something.