Games; This is bigger than Cartman's butt.
WARNING: if offended by (beep) crude language, do not play this (beep) game and close your (beep) ears to all (beep) broadcast media over the next three (beep) months.
South Park should come with a built-in beeper and, since it doesn't and is going to be bigger than Cartman's big fat butt, the only way to keep the kids away from it is to hide it while you guide Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and the rest of the brood through a series of adventures designed to save South Park.
A mysterious comet, that only approaches once every 666 years, is heading towards the town, the turkeys have turned killer, Cartman's mum is kidnapped by aliens and son of Skuzzlebutt is out of control.
The South Park heroes have to try and save the day, armed with a variety of weapons ranging from cow launchers to the Auto Egger that uses a live sniper chicken. This may be a PC game but it isn't a pc game ... these six one-player episodes are as nothing compared to the multi-play possibilities. Here you can get three pals and draw from even more characters and battle each other in a series of games, including Kick The Baby.
Developed by Iguana Entertainment, who made Turok and All-Star Baseball 99, this is not, of course, for kids at all.
Dads will buy this, ostensibly for their sons ... then hide it and play it in dead of night, because the wife will probably not even want it in the house.
Just a couple of minutes into the first of the episodes is enough to tell any parent that wee Shooey, if he doesn't get to watch South Park on telly, isn't going to be allowed to play this.
This is when you have to take on the killer turkeys ravaging South Park, armed only with snowballs.
It isn't easy ... the snowballs can stuff those turkeys if you hit them right, but they aren't the most powerful weapon around.
That's another snowball. Made from yellow snow. And, to get that you have to unzip and ....
Get the picture?
A great game, whose graphics capture the mood brilliantly.
If the first episode seems a little tame, it is probably for the best - kids will give up on it, but avid adults will persevere and reach those levels where you are laughing too hard to actually hit the controls.
ALL-STAR BASEBALL 2000
N64/PC CD Rom
NOW you can recreate the whole summer by the diamond thanks to All Star Baseball 2000.
All you have to supply is the skill, hot dogs and sodas.
Impressively, this comes with a huge list of stars from the American baseball organisation, the MLBPA - 700 of them.
Since Scots won't have heard of any of them, it's down to the playability to win them over.
A superb 3D sports graphics engine and over 600 motion captured playing moves means that it has probably not struck out.
Although still quite an obscure American sport for Scots, this is well worth working out the rules and going for a home run.
PC CD Rom
WHAT sick and twisted mind thought up the Smurfs? We need to know, because they need help.
So does the equally unbalanced individual from Infograms responsible for buying up the video gaming license for this.
I mean, the Smurfs were only popular for a long weekend some time in the mid-80s and we have had to suffer them ever since.
This latest is as simple as the title. The graphics are cute enough, but the gameplay is crippled by loads of little Smurfs running around all over the place.
Boring, predictable and with the kind of sub-platform action we know and loathe, this should be avoided like the plague.
It brings new meaning to the term Blue Meanie.
SIM CITY 3000
PC CD Rom
THERE are few games that have had quite the shattering effect Sim City had when it was first released.
There had been "God games" before - complex simulations that let you run the lives of the little computer people - but nothing matched the sheer pleasure of being able to build your own city, watch an eager population move in and its industries and commerce grow.
If you grew tired of demanding people, rising taxes and a dodgy water system, you could throw in a random fire, earthquake, or even alien attack.
Since then the game has gone from strength to strength.
Town planners and architects have claimed it to be the world's first edu- game - try running a subway system round your underground power and water conduits.
The release of Sim City 2000 brought a whole range of new features and graphics to the game and a whole host of new fans.
There have been the inevitable spin-off programmes - Sim Tower took town- planning vertical and, Sim Ant let you plan out a bug's life - but nothing has ever matched the original Sim City.
Where could it go from SC 2000? I mean, the millennium hasn't even arrived, so what would you even call the next generation?
You can't say Maxis aren't confident. Enter Sim City 3000, 1000 years ahead of schedule.
At first it all appears to be just a number of cosmetic changes, the graphics are greatly improved.
You can zoom into the power of five, rather than just three - right down to pavement level, to see how the proles are coping with your design genius.
But the real improvements lie at the very heart of the game. The logic is greatly improved and the nature of the construction process is also easier.
This all results in a game that is easier to play and more fluid.
There are still all the hidden extras that any Sim player has come to expect, from special buildings to characters who pop up and offer you vast sums of cash.
And a few new ones that, as yet, remain for cheats columns everywhere
Sim City 3000 is more than a simple sequel, it's a game that takes a concept and develops it to new levels. A superb piece of game writing that everyone should own.
THE Dreamcast continues to go from strength to strength in Japan, despite the news of the new Playstation's impressive spec. Thanks to his latest outing on the Dreamcast there has even been a resurgence in the popularity of everyone's favourite hedgehog - Sonic. The crazy sights of the early 90s are beginning to reappear as hardcore fans are found dressing up as Sonic and attending Sonic parties, where the whole range of games are played in marathon sittings. Deeply strange. Clearly, these people they don't get out half enough.
COMMAND AND CONQUER
GOT a problem with Command and Conquer? Don't panic, don't worry - we are here to help you.
If you want more cash than a Lottery winner, for instance, all you have to do is pause the game and hit Right, Down, Down, Left, L1, Left, Right, Down, Left and START. Get that right and youll hit a big dollars 5000 bonus.
DIE HARD TRILOGY
ENTER any one of these passwords and you'll start the game with 15 lives and 999 rounds of ammo, plus 25 grenades - very useful and should help even the most pathetic Bruce Willis wannabe take on those pesky terrorists.
Remember to enter these codes exactly, including the spaces, or they won't work.
THIS is a rather nifty cheat that will allow even the most limp fingered gamer to increase their score by loads and loads. So, if you want to get all the cars in the game all you have to do is press TRIANGLE and then, really quickly, press and hold R1+L2+R2.
Then release those buttons while keeping hold of the TRIANGLE and press R2+L2+R1. Get this all right then you will hear a noise and all the cars in the game will be yours.
LOST WORLD: JURASSIC WORLD
IF those pesky dinosaur's are putting the bite on your game playing technique then all you have to do is enter this very simple cheat and you can select any level that you want to play.
At the password screen press, SQUARE, CROSS, CIRCLE, TRIANGLE, TRIANGLE, CROSS, SQUARE, CIRCLE, TRIANGLE, CIRCLE, CROSS, SQUARE.
Get that fistful of moves right and it will be you who will be getting your teeth into the dinosaurs.
AGE OF EMPIRES
PC CD ROM
TYPE while playing the game to get instant results.
DIEDIEDIE - Kill all of your opponents.
REVEAL MAP - Unsurprisingly reveals the entire map.
COINAGE - Gives you a hundred gold
FLYING DUTCHMAN - Catapult ships can travel over land.
BIGDADDY - Quick rocket launcher cars.
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|Publication:||Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)|
|Date:||Mar 12, 1999|
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