GUYS Q & A.

Back talk

If he were really your bud, he'd watch your back--not talk behind it.

I really like this guy, and we are good friends. But when I'm not around, he says awful things about me to my friends. What's that about?

BILL: That ain't good. This guy is the meekest of mice, since he rags on a person he supposedly cares about. Tell him his behavior really hurts your feelings. Give him one chance to change his ways. If the dissing continues, it's time to reevaluate this so-called friendship.

DAVE: I have more respect for a person who says something negative to my face than one who pretends to be a friend while secretly bashing me. Trash this relationship.

What's the difference between being friendly, joking around and flirting? I can't seem to tell the difference.

BILL: Being friendly is showing politeness: "Hi, how are you?" Joking is trying to make someone laugh: "Hey, what's with the hair?" And flirting is trying to get someone to notice you: "Hey, do you like this dress on me? Really? You're just saying that...." Being friendly might result in a casual conversation. Flirting might result in a date. And joking might result in a conversation, date or breakup. Class dismissed.

DAVE: The difference is... There isn't one. That's what makes flirting so wonderful. You never quite know where you stand. Life would be boring without that tinge of doubt--was that a sly wink or just fluttering to get a lash out of the eye? Besides, if doubts about flirting didn't exist, neither would Guy Q&A columnists. As for Bill's hair comment, that's not friendly, joking or flirting. Take it from a guy with goofy hair--that'll get you nowhere.

What should I get my BF for Valentines Day?

BILL: There are two ways to do Valentine's Day-- give a gift just for your BF, or give a gift that gets attention from the whole gang. The first way can be simple and private. If he likes to read, get a book--maybe one with a romantic theme. Just get him something that shows you care about things he likes. The second way is more elaborate. You might catch a bus to a romantic spot, then have a picnic waiting when you get there. Or sneak in and decorate his locker (peek over his shoulder for the combination). You might make your BF a little embarrassed, but you'll be the talk of the school. It all depends on your BF's personality--and how much you like attention.

DAVE: Personally, I would lean toward something more private. Isn't intimacy the point of Valentine's Day? Rather than blowing money on flowers that will die in a few days or chocolates with mystery filling, go to dinner at a new restaurant or get tickets to see a play. A unique outing gives you and your BF something other couples didn't consider--a memorable occasion shared between two people who care about each other. You can't buy that at Spencer's.

I really want to kiss my BF, but lie is super shy. Should I ask him first or just kiss him?

BILL Sure seems easy in Humphrey Bogart movies, huh? Usually someone says, "Kiss me, you fool," then Bogey makes his move. Life is easier in black-and-white. This dilemma is like asking if you should give him a million bucks or make sure he wants it first. Either way, he's a lucky guy. Unless he has some rare form of lip-phobia, he should be flattered. Let the mood dictate the moment.

DAVE: Hmmm. Imagine yourself as him. Wait! Don't go running out of the theatre screaming, "She tried to kiss me! Yuck!" Seriously, if he were going to kiss you, would he ask you first or would he just do it? Whatever the answer, I would approach kissing him in the same manner. If the whole thing is a disaster, you can always pull the "I just did what I thought you would do" line. Usually works for me.

Bill: Looks like you've found yourself a "little man" who has to put other people down to bring himself up.

Dave: It's a big ol'world out there, girl, full of great people. And life is too precious to waste it on some dude who disses you behind your back.